Update... Oct 9, 2006

Here is my latest update… sorry these are coming so far apart, but I will make an effort to do better. So, let’s see what has been going on in the life of Martha, shall we?

Editorial comment: Mondays… does anyone like Mondays? I would have to say, resoundingly “No!”. But this isn’t just any Monday, no folks this is Columbus Day. A day dedicated to a gentleman who bucked the tide (literally!), sailed across the ocean blue, bumped into a continent, thought he was somewhere else, dubbed the poor natives who lived there a completely different sect, then left, but went home to tell everyone about it, so that they could come over and really face the music of disease and Indian slaughter. Let’s dedicate a day to him! Let’s see… all of those kids in school? They don’t need to go. The federal government? Sure, let’s shut that down for a day… what’s the harm? Banks? Who needs cash… they don’t need to be open. Everyone else… get your butts to work! Does that makes sense, we shut down the educational system, the federal government, and freeze all money related transactions, but the rest of need to “keep on keepin’ on”. I think if the banks are shut down, why am I earning money I cant really spend? I think what is good for the goose is good for the gander, let’s all have a day off! Who’s with me?

Anyway, let me tell you about my weekend! Well, this past weekend was the “bachelorette party” weekend. I think this is a great little tradition. I don’t need an excuse to get together with girl friends, but it is nice to have one. I had the honor of co-hosting a bachelorette party for my friend Karen. She is getting married! Strapping on the ball and chain and say “I do”. Now, getting married these days is much like signing up for a warranty on your car. Most car warranties say good for X number thousands of miles or X number of years… whichever comes first. Marriage is the same way, you are basically signing up for the commitment of “I will be married to your for any number of years until death or divorce… which ever comes first”. So, see you have your loop hole built into the contract, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure that out. The party started on Saturday. We all met down at Hotel ZaZa downtown. I had picked up three bottles of champagne to have in the room, as well as a “bride” t-shirt for Karen to wear, and finally those cool little jeweled rings that light up! I was set. I headed downtown, with my new ultra-fabulous shoes on that I had picked up that morning, and all the goodies for the party. I walked into the lobby of the hotel to check us in and get the room set up for entertaining. Debbie, my cohort in crime, was picking up the snacks for us to munch on with our champagne and was meeting me there. I walk up to the counter and tell the girl I would like to check in, she asks the name, I proudly say “Newton”, and she asks how many keys I would like. I tell her we are having a small bachelorette party and that I am not sure, she immediately offers to upgrade us to one of their “Magnificent Seven Suites”. Holy free-upgrades Batman!!! Are you kidding? I was pumped. I walk into this Suite and it is amazing. I felt like Robin Leech was going to pop out of closet and any minute. The room was exquisite, it had a full size kitchen with granite counter tops, an island, a chandelier (how cool is that?), and stainless steel refrigerator. This was so much nicer than my kitchen at home. It also had a formal dining area and a formal living area. It was great. I was completely blown away. I get helped to the room with my bags, and I asked the gentleman if he could get me 6 champagne flutes and an ice bucket for my libations. He was kind and agreed with a smile. I tipped him well, and started setting up house. Debbie comes just a few minutes after I have started chilling the wine and setting things out. She is just as excited about the room as I am. She and I end up sitting on the balcony waiting for the rest of the ladies to arrive. The day was so beautiful, dusk was coming on, there was a light, almost undetectable cool breeze and a warmth to the air, like a light weight blanket you’ve had for years, and I was sitting on the balcony of the most amazing room I have ever seen… watching the world go by. Wish you all were there.

The other ladies show up, including the guest of honor, and we break open the champagne. Pop! The champagne was a peach champagne my friend Nicole and her mother had introduced me to. Thanks Nicole! It is wonderful, and was a big success. We went through three bottles in just over 2 hours. Drinking, eating, laughing, opening gifts, and all the while feeling like the Rockefellers. It was great, but we had to go, I had made 7:30 reservations at Mattitos close by. Mattitos has fabulous Mexican food, but do NOT go there on a weekend without a reservation. We walk in and this guy is at the counter ripping into the hostess that they were told it would be a 30 minute wait and it has been 35 minutes. He went further to point out tables to the host that his oh-so-starving-yet-curiously-overweight party could occupy. It was crazy, but guess what he was wearing… yep, OU garb. Go back to Oklahoma and eat there… you may get a table faster! We walk in, and I give the hostess my name, and we are immediately seated… I am now not feeling like a Rockefeller, I am now a rock-star. I love immediate seating. So, the six of us sit down and order. We eat and have a great time. We had ordered queso to start out with. Queso is a must for me. I love it, I don’t know why anyone would go to a Mexican restaurant and not order it. That would be like going to McDonalds getting a hamburger and no fries. People look at you funny when you do that, don’t do that. The bill comes at the end of the meal and we are dividing it up. Deb is sitting next to me and is our resident financier of the group. She works in the finance depart for FloServ, and is a former HP finance big-wig. She goes ahead and let’s me know that we have been overcharged. What? They overcharged the rock stars? Are you kidding? Deb then tells me, “I don’t normally audit the bill, but I did and I noticed we were charged for three quesos”. Ok, I don’t normally “audit” anything. Not my taxes, not my bills, not even email calendar at work… but if I did, I wouldn’t use that terminology. You gotta love finance people. They live their job! Way to go Debbie… she saved us all some cash!

We head out from Mattitos to go to Ad-Libs. Improv comedy. This place is really funny and a lot of fun to go to, and of course for a bachelorette party they will try to get the bride-to-be to embarrass herself shamelessly on stage. Did this happen to our heroin? Was she plucked out of the crowd and put on display? Oh yeah she was!! And we got pictures to prove it. We are sitting at the table when one of the girls gets a phone call from her boyfriend who is out of town on a hunting trip. Let me say that again, out of town on a hunting trip. She had called him NINE times (that she admitted to, could be more), that day and he hadn’t called her back. And get this, she was mad! NINE times! Her phone rings while we are at Ad-Libs waiting for the show to start, and she excuses herself to take the call in private. Whoa! The only thing going through my mind right then is, “that poor bastard is gonna get it”.

But let’s think about it folks.
A) she had called him 9 times whilst he is out hunting with the guys, no body should do that. I am going to write a relationship guide book, and rule number 2 (gonna let you guess on number 1) is going to be, if your significant other is out having a good time with the boys, leave him alone... don’t embarrass him with constant phone calls and text msgs, why? b/c he is trying to be manly in front of his friends, let him have a good time and be one of the boys. When he gets home… he can make it up to you then... and you can pick your poison.
B) He knew what our plans were, and that guy picked his moment. You know he was on the other end of that phone, betting HUGE dollars that she would be out and about and NOT pick up the phone. He was counting on it. This man did NOT want her to pick up that phone.
C) During the course of this “loving” conversation, they kept getting static. Weird, huh? Every time she would start to lay into him, there was that pesky static. “Where have you been?!?! What have you been doing?!?!? Why haven’t you called?!?!?” “Honey, are you there? Cant hear you… there is too much static…” Ah, yes. If there is random static… not a good sign.

Needless to say, we didn’t start planning her bachelorette party.

The evening seemed to be a complete success. Nobody threw up. Nobody got thrown in jail… and we all laughed our way through the bubbly.

That is it from my end for now. Obviously, I need to send out an “Hawaii” update, but that will hold until we meet again. Until then, if you find yourself calling the man of your current dreams (whether those be good dreams or nightmares) keep in mind that the commercial says, “pick up the phone to reach out and touch someone” not “pick up the phone to reach out and smack the crap out of the poor man who may just need a weekend away from you”.

Peace, love, and the lifestyles of the rich and not-so-famous,
Martha