Update... Feb 28, 2006

Good morning everyone!

Well, I am happy to report that I made it through the final episode of “The Bachelor”. It was touch and go there for a little while, but nope I made it. I still have all my hair (didn’t pull it out) and my faith in humanity is FULLY in tact. So let’s dish a little shall we?

Ok, get out of work and it is like someone just let me out of prison. I am racing to get home. Bella and Nicole are both on their way to my house, and lucky for them they are already in their comfy clothes, Aunt Martha is still in her oh so stifling work gear. So, the race is on to beat them to my house. I run by the grocery stores for some essentials, a bottle of white wine (I couldn’t do red, the even was going to be intense enough needed something to lighten the load, something fresh, something fruity, something that simply said “you don’t need to think about me, I’ll taste just fine and uncomplicated”) and a box of assorted chocolates… I am ready to watch. I cross paths with Bella on the road and we are like to jet airplane pilots trying to get to home base, she is flanking me and we are narrowing in. We get home, I immediately get the suit off that I was wearing, get on my most comfy flannel pants (I have owned these since college) and a sweat shirt that is older than Dick Cheney (had to throw him… shameless I know). We grab all the stuff to order pizza and start pouring the wine, Nicole shows up with a bottle of red and the evening is starting.

Fasten your safety belts it is going to be a bumpy ride. Sarah from Tennessee is the horse that I have bet since the beginning ladies and gentlemen and we are in the home stretch. So Sarah gets to meet the dear doctor’s parents, sister, brother-in-law and two nieces in Paris. The whole gang flew over for this, thank you ABC! So we see his mother, and god love this woman has the worst case of helmet hair I have ever seen. Meteors could not penetrate the blonde protective layer that is cover her head and that her eyes are peeping out from behind. You could hardly recognize that there was a small person in there. I have to wonder if they didn’t give her a consultant, you know someone on the set who said… “Psst, psst… the hair is too stiff and big, I have a weed wacker over here if you need it. Just offering” No, she went on national tv folks looking like this. Sarah was as sweet, charming, and honest as she has ever been she is talking and laughing and trying hard to make a good impression, trying to let these people know that she really likes Travis. There were so many points I wanted her to just say, “I love Travis” but she never did. I think she was trying to just stay true to herself trying not to let the moment and the fantasy of it all sweep her away. She told her parents that the minute she saw Travis she wanted him, and that she has goals and that she knew she would be here. Now this is a misstep… you have goals? This was a goal? The awkwardness was palpable, I could feel it in my own living room. But overall they liked her, saw her to be honest, to be trustworthy, someone they could really grow to love! Yay Sarah.

Now, evil, awful Moana comes on the scene. I am so sick of seeing this girl cry I could die. She meets his sister, brother-in-law and nieces at a park. The women walk off for some girl talk and Moana talks of the connection she has with her brother and here come the water works. And now the sister is crying. Geez. Hand me my wine! Then she talks to the brother-in-law… curiously no tears. Then we go to have dinner with the parents, and Mom’s hair is even BIGGER! Whoa, it is like she stuck her finger into the light socket then walked into a wind tunnel, came out and said “What’s for dinner?”. They start grilling Moana on what she likes about Travis… her answer “It is not in my nature to answer such questions” What? Excuse me, are you telling me you don’t want to articulate what you like about this man that you have been telling people that you are falling in love with? The parents look mad, and the sister looks disappointed, almost betrayed. Moana starts the tears and says “that she just cant explain it, there just aren’t words”… more tears. Hand me my chocolates, and more wine!!! Where is the damn wine? I am now fuming and I hate Moana. What a lunatic? She and Travis have “alone” time to kiss and so that ABC has something good to show. Just get rid of her, pass me the pizza!

So, the girls have to go shopping for rings and dresses in Paris for the final rose ceremony. Who would not want to do this? You get to go to a jewelry store and they show you beautiful diamond rings, and then you get to go to a boutique that ABC has paid for them to shut down for the day so that you can shop alone and pick out any dress you want! For Free!!! I wouldn’t care if Travis picked me or not at this point, I got a Free French Dress out this little investment… not too shabby. But it gets even better, ABC flies their mothers over there to go run these little errands with them! How great is that? That is a dream come true, you get to do all of this and have your mother with you, this is great tv! Both the girls pick out the same, 2,2 carat round flawless diamond ring! So, that means they are both smart people. Nope no dummy in this group. Then they go pick out dresses. Moana picks out a black strapless dress… b/c she is the devil. Sarah picks out this green sequence dress that is so amazing on her, so sexy, so stunning… it screams “Could I be anymore beautiful?” It is amazing. She looks amazing in it. And her mother, Vernita (yes Vernita) says, “He has seen you looking fun and sassy, now this is the side he needs to see!” Way to go Mom!!!!

The final rose ceremony comes, now the three of us have devoured a pizza, the chocolates box is nearly empty (thanks to me and Bella, but mostly me), the wine is gone, and we are all sitting on one couch huddled up, hugging my green bay blanket, and holding hands it is the moment of truth. A prayer goes out. I have invested 6 weeks and countless hours in this. I am emotionally on edge, the suspense is killing me… and the first limo pulls up… and the devil gets out. He sees her smiles, and she hugs him and he starts telling her how amazing she is and how mysterious she is and blah blah blah… then the word comes out… “BUT” yes sports fans you heard me “BUT none of this was real”. You could hear the cheering from four blocks away!!! I was so happy, I was high fiving people, I was chair dancing, I was doing little cheerleading routines from my seat! This man, didn’t pick the devil. Didn’t pick the mysterious one, didn’t go for the I am so sexy and vulnerable bit… didn’t fall for the tears… he chose the “good girl”.

Sarah walked away with the 2.2 carat diamond on a necklace, because they aren’t ready to get married just yet. But the lessons that we can all learn from this are these:
1) There is hope in the world
2) If you are gonna be on a TV show, try not to cry so much it makes you look like a lunatic
3) If you are gonna shop in Paris, do it BIG and bring your Mom
4) TV cameras can add ten pounds to you and your hair
5) If you are gonna eat pizza, wine, beer, and chocolates do it with your girlfriends b/c a man wont understand


That does it for me today…

Peace, love, and here’s to the good girls out there!!!
Martha