Good morning campers! Hope everyone is having a great May the 2nd!
Well, let’s all dive right into the “update”, go ahead the water is… well, it’s in there! Glass is half-full… half-full… can someone get me a fuller glass?
I just got back from Phoenix. Yes, Phoenix. As many of you know my twin brother on his climb up the corporate ladder, climbed another rung not to long ago and that rung had him climb right into Phoenix. It has been a good move for his family, they are enjoying a brand new house with an in-ground pool in the backyard. Will get back to that later.
I went out to Phoenix for my nephews birthday, he just turned 8. Now, your probably thinking, turning eight he would have had a BIG party with his friends and then the traditional family party with his… well, family! Poor Mitchell didn’t get the party with his friends. I asked my sister-in-law, “So did he have a party with his friends from school?” I am waiting for the “Yes”… so that I can follow up with “What kind of party? Mitchell what did you get?!?!?!” But the answer will shock and amaze you… she shrugged and said “Nah”.
We were at a Mexican restaurant, it wasn’t tex-mex, it wasn’t Mexican, it was Native American-Mex, straight off the reservation. It was colorful, really colorful with random palm trees everywhere, a tucan here or there thrown in for good measure, the meat in the meat dishes was sort of smashed… not sliced, not chopped, sort of a cross between chopped, sliced, and pureed. It had the consistency of over-cooked sloppy joe filler, and that is weird for chicken. But it isn’t the food that has me waiting by the hostess stand. Nope, it is the free bean dip! This bean dip is free… like salsa, but they still give you salsa! You have nothing to lose, you get the salsa and chips that like Pavlov’s dog you start salivating for upon entering ANY Mexican food establishment (regardless of the décor or meat texture, I am still hoping that was chicken, please God let that have been chicken… hard to say since so many things are purported to taste like chicken). This bean dip is creamy, spicy, and beany. I really need to transplant this stuff into Texas… I could be a millionaire!!!
But I digress, let’s get back to Mitchell, I got distracted by the bean dip, and now I am a little hungry but that is my own issue to deal with. Anyway, she told me he didn’t have a party with his friends. I looked over at this little boy, his blond hair is in this chili bowl hair cut, his little round face is so sweet, he has the cutest freckles marking his cheeks and nose, and eyes as blue as this comforter I had when I was a kid… it was really blue! Mitchell is the poster child for the “All American Kid”. I looked at this kid and I started to hear this song in my head “All by myse-e-elf, don’t wanna BEEE all by myself”, it was really sad. This was a bare bones birthday, my hope was that he doesn’t really remember it and it doesn’t scar him for life. But my mom and I flew out there for the family party, Glass Half Full! So he did have some company and some presents to open, his other grandmother had also sent a gift. So, he got a new video game from me, another from his other grandmother, some always handy cash from my mom, and a video game from his parents! Not a bad little haul for a kid that is only eight. We left the restaurant and went home to open the gifts and literally go to bed. I was exhausted, it was 10pm Phoenix time which is midnight Dallas time.
It is sort of strange, if I travel West I am tired. I have been to Europe, and it was return flight that wiped me out, and I mean wiped me out, I was a narcoleptic for two days. I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and I had NO energy. I was completely sapped. But the flight to Europe I was fine, got off the plane and could keep on going! I flew out to Hawaii… the flight to Hawaii was Westbound and there I am for the first day or so, “Zombie Martha”, hardly able to construct a coherent or order my meal at the local diner, which serves fish…they all serve fish. I flew home from Hawaii, same long flight, but I was fine when I got home. Now, here I am in Phoenix and that 2 hour time change has me beat down. I have a solution for myself and my body’s Eastbound travel preference. I just need to get on a plane and keep traveling East. If I go to Europe I need keep on going. The up shot, I will never be exhausted and I will get to see the world, maybe only from 30,000 feet, but still see it! Glass Half Full.
My Mom and I were sharing the guest bedroom and the Tempurpedic Swedish Sleep System bed that was in it! That Glass is lookin’ a little fuller. I have one word for all the insomniacs out there, INVEST! If I were going to war with Iraq, I would send a million of these over there as an anonymous gift, the entire country would be sleeping while we take over, soundly sleeping, and they would wake up to a new regime. We woke up Saturday morning to my brother starting to prepare a feast, every meal at my brother’s house is a feast… and my brother has the Viking gut to prove it. He made omlets, hash browns, and English muffins. It was delicious. The women get up to do the cleaning and my brother decides he is going to get a basketball goal for the pool for Mitchell for his birthday, sounds harmless enough, right? He ends up taking my mother and going “into town”. I didn’t think much of it, until they left and Mendy said, “They wont be back for over an hour and a half”. What? I felt like I was in a old western, and John Wayne was “going into town”… was it really that far? I looked around and saw the desert, the tumble weeds… and this was just in our subdivision! John Wayne where are you?!?!? I hope they took some water, a map, a satellite cell phone, extra gasoline, and some bean dip in case something bad happened. I mean seriously they could attacked by Indians… they have to drive through THE RESERVATION to get to town. While they are in town we are in the pool with the kids and having a great time. Does that glass look half full? You’re damn right it does! They get back and we start making lunch, I wasn’t hungry at all, but I wasn’t going to turn down another feast-like spread. I pitch right in and put my spin on the sandwiches… I get out the roast beef, the muenster cheese, the olives, the mushrooms, the onions, and the toaster oven! Toasted those bad boys up and topped them with lettuce and tomato, envelope together, cut and serve! Mendy made this mozzarella tomato sald, so good! And we had horse radish dip (there seems to be a lot of dips in this weekend) and fruit. It was great. We were full and happy and ready to assemble the goal. Precariously half full.
Now, this basketball goal, has a fiberglass (I think) back board, metal hoop with net, and a 50 to 75 pound POLE that attaches to the backboard via an extremely sturdy and well-made metal plate. So, my brother being the handy man that he is, or likes to think that he is… decides that he can do this on his own. After realizing he needs a few other hands to hold things he calls for help. I am hold thing the backboard steady, and leaning over it to hold the hoop in place, Mendy is behind the backboard hold this heavy metal pole. My brother slips the screws through the hoop, through the backboard, through the plate that is attached to the heavy metal pole. All four of these go in, but as he is coming around to put the nuts on the back of it, my sister-in-law let’s go of this weapon of destruction. The pole comes crashing down to the patio deck, but between the patio deck and the metal plate was my toe, my big toe! My big toe save the patio deck from being permanently marked by this plate! My big toe was hero!!! There was no fan fare though, there was no parade, because like some heroes my big toe was a fallen hero! I was literally screaming in pain. It couldn’t have been more blinding or more persistent. I mean it was letting up at all! My big toe kept getting bigger and bigger. We should have renamed it “huge toe”. It actually swelled up enough that I could no longer discern my toe print on the bottom of the toe… it was gone! I lost my toe print. So, if I were to die, I better not have dentures and have my hands burned they may not be able to identify me. Unless of course I am at home, with all of my belongings and identification on the nightstand, but notwithstanding that I need my toe print! We ended up going to an emergency care facility, which is NOT an emergency room, connected to a hospital with actual doctors. Nope, this is in a strip mall… medicine-in-a-hurry. There are no doctors, just ONE PA (physician’s assistant)… and a couple of nurses that looked a little suspicious. The drill a couple of holes in my toe… to release the pressure. That is as graphic as I am going to get… you want more, go see a horror movie, like Saw or Saw II, it looked just like that! The rest of the weekend, I spent with my foot in some sort of body of water. A bucket of water, the bathtub, the pool… I never had to resort to the toilet or the sink, but my toe was rarely dry which means it was always pruney.
We didn’t end up doing much else for the weekend, but I think Mitchell was pleased to have some kind of recognition that his birthday indeed arrived. He also had a cool story to tell all of his friends at school, about how his Aunt came in a whole person and left a gimp. I did go see a real doctor when I got back into town, I have broken my big toe, and it got an infection from the holes that bored into the top of it, but the good news is it could have been worse, that thing could have taken my toe off! Half full! It could have done a lot more damage than it did, I will never dance like Baryshnikov (yeah, I had to look that up to spell it) but my toe never aspired to that, I will never get the starring role in “My Left Foot”, my toe was never that artistic, and I may never be able to pick up a sock again without bending over… not gonna lie, I am gonna miss that. But I am gonna walk, play the piano, run for congress, and eat Cheez-its with gusto! So, you see, there is nothing but good news here… my glass… it’s half full!!!
Until we meet again!
Peace, love, and toe prints,
Martha
Update... Apr 23, 2007
Good Monday Afternoon to one and all…
It has been a while since I have sent out an update, but here I am once again trying to tell my tales and keep you all up to speed with what is going on in my life. So here goes!
My brother Steve came in from Washington D.C. this past weekend. Many of you may now be wondering, “Who is Steve?” I don’t mention Steve a lot simply because he lives in Washington D. C. and is a bit of a loner. He really does keep to himself and for many years I wondered relentlessly if he was in fact truly my brother. I wondered if maybe he was switched at birth, or maybe my Mom went into a public restroom to change my beloved brother Steve… turned her backs for a fateful five minutes and walked out with “Steve”. Maybe someone had stolen my real brother and left this imposter in his place! And for the past couple of decades we have been sharing our home, our food, our resources, and even our affections with this faux-Newton. Let me elaborate my point… so there is no misunderstanding. Let’s talk about how Steve is a different from the other seven of us.
My parents have eight children and all of them are bright, but Steve goes beyond bright. My brother Steve is very smart… like creepy smart. He actually was invited to attend a school for the “gifted”. Usually these students are the book worm types, and they all get along and are relieved to be out of “main stream” where they were laughed at and picked on for their nerdy-ness. So, off went my brother to this school, not b/c he studied, this kid didn’t know the meaning of the word study. Not because he did well on his homework, because he didn’t do homework. Steve was the type of kid that didn’t take a note, that cut up in class, but kept literally one ear tuned to what the teacher was saying and aced every test. He never made good grades mind you. You cant make good grades when you don’t turn any homework assignments or do any of the out of class projects. Steve did prove though, that if you make a perfect score on every test that you could pass, and that is what he did… pass. So they had a test that they administered to all the kids in DISD, and there was Steve score sitting at the tippy-top of the heap… perfect or damn close! Anyway, they invited Steve to this school and all the nerds were too. Unfortunately for the nerds there serene environment had changed with the introduction of Steve. Steve loves to pick on people, and he is masterful at it. These poor kids didn’t know what hit them. He was finally invited to leave the school, and he did so gladly… and returned to the main stream where he literally coasted until he was 18 and graduated. He didn’t graduate with honors, or with a 4.0, but he didn’t graduate without ever cracking a book!
All of the children in my family have big personalities, this is what I have been told. We are all extremely comfortable talking to strangers and adapting to new people and different environments. But Steve was a little different when it came to that. Steve did NOT like talking to strangers, and it was something that he would go to great lengths to avoid. We would get school supply lists during the first week of classes, and my mother wanting to optimize her time would ask us to call Landtrips (a little store around the corner that has been driven out of business thanks to Wal-Mart) and see if they have all the things on our list. Steve did not want to call, because he didn’t know those people. His solution was simple and profitable! He would pay me and my brother Mark a dollar a phone call to track down all of his school supplies. It was a great little business while it lasted, but all good things must come to an end.
Steve was also the most stubborn person my mother and father have ever come in to contact with. He would literally stand his ground come hell or high water. Steve wouldn’t take medicine if he didn’t like the taste of it. He could be dying of Antrax and if he didn’t like the taste of the medicine he would opt for death. Steve wasn’t going to attend his own high school graduation, an event in which several family members had flown into town attend. It wasn’t until my brother John took him out to the proverbial wood shed that he decided to go. One evening my mother made liver and onions (a favorite meal of my dad’s) and we were all told that if we didn’t want to eat it we could go to bed. All of us tried to grit our teeth and get through the meal, we had our fingers clasped around our noses hoping to taste as little as possible, but not Steve. Steve took one look at his plate, and he addressed to the table “Good night!” Went to his room, got on his PJ’s and went to bed… it was 6:30pm. This is one of hundreds of examples…
All the while growing up there were other little things that Steve did that nobody else did, and I don’t mean nobody in my family, I mean nobody in our neighborhood, school, surrounding area. Steve loved to watch painting shows. You know the ones I am talking about… they are on PBS. The guy with the big hair and then there is the Cajun guy with the “almighty brush”. Steve loved these shows, couldn’t get enough of them, and would make us watch these shows. He would sit there with the remote control in his hand and try to sell my twin brother and me on how great these shows were. “Look at this, this guy is going to paint a whole picture in thirty minutes! You cant get entertainment like this just anywhere!”
Finally when I was sixteen, I was watching 20/20 with my parents… and they had a segment about a man who was divorced and paying child support. He had blue eyes and his wife had blue eyes, but the child had BROWN! He was married for the second time to a registered nurse who pointed out that it is impossible for two blue eyed parents to have a brown eyed child, so they did a paternity test… and he wasn’t the child’s father! That is when I started wondering… Steve has BROWN eyes! No one else has brown eyes… could it be? Could my true brother be out there somewhere? Someone who doesn’t pick on me, someone who protects me, someone that I could tell all my hopes and fears to? I harbored this suspicion for many years and then one day asked my mom about it… and then it happened, my mother told me, and even showed me that she had hazel eyes! Steve is my brother, can you believe that?
Anyway, he came in town for the weekend and brought his girlfriend. We had a great time, and she was great to meet and get to know. We went to Fort Worth for Main Street Days, and that was a blast. The kids put different colored sand into bottles, who knew that could be so much fun… and expensive! Caroline got her face painted, and Claire got a henna tattoo. We went to Claire’s soccer game where she scored two goals!!!! We went to Roy’s for dinner and it was great. I hosted a brunch at my house on Sunday for everyone.
Claire is definitely the niece most like me. Claire tans very easily. I tan very easily. Claire has brown hair. I have brown hair. Claire has blue eyes. I have blue eyes. But the greatest similarity that the two of us possess, is that we are both klutzy. Claire has yet to come into my house and NOT spill something. She has toppled over people’s margaritas, she has had a plate hit the floor, and yesterday she dropped pink yogurt on the floor. I love that kid! When I was a kid I dropped more stuff than anyone, and it is nice to the see the family trait passed on.
So, as you can see… there are people in my family who are really similar and some that are not so similar, but luckily in my family it all seems to work!
Until next time…
Peace, love and paternity test!
Martha
It has been a while since I have sent out an update, but here I am once again trying to tell my tales and keep you all up to speed with what is going on in my life. So here goes!
My brother Steve came in from Washington D.C. this past weekend. Many of you may now be wondering, “Who is Steve?” I don’t mention Steve a lot simply because he lives in Washington D. C. and is a bit of a loner. He really does keep to himself and for many years I wondered relentlessly if he was in fact truly my brother. I wondered if maybe he was switched at birth, or maybe my Mom went into a public restroom to change my beloved brother Steve… turned her backs for a fateful five minutes and walked out with “Steve”. Maybe someone had stolen my real brother and left this imposter in his place! And for the past couple of decades we have been sharing our home, our food, our resources, and even our affections with this faux-Newton. Let me elaborate my point… so there is no misunderstanding. Let’s talk about how Steve is a different from the other seven of us.
My parents have eight children and all of them are bright, but Steve goes beyond bright. My brother Steve is very smart… like creepy smart. He actually was invited to attend a school for the “gifted”. Usually these students are the book worm types, and they all get along and are relieved to be out of “main stream” where they were laughed at and picked on for their nerdy-ness. So, off went my brother to this school, not b/c he studied, this kid didn’t know the meaning of the word study. Not because he did well on his homework, because he didn’t do homework. Steve was the type of kid that didn’t take a note, that cut up in class, but kept literally one ear tuned to what the teacher was saying and aced every test. He never made good grades mind you. You cant make good grades when you don’t turn any homework assignments or do any of the out of class projects. Steve did prove though, that if you make a perfect score on every test that you could pass, and that is what he did… pass. So they had a test that they administered to all the kids in DISD, and there was Steve score sitting at the tippy-top of the heap… perfect or damn close! Anyway, they invited Steve to this school and all the nerds were too. Unfortunately for the nerds there serene environment had changed with the introduction of Steve. Steve loves to pick on people, and he is masterful at it. These poor kids didn’t know what hit them. He was finally invited to leave the school, and he did so gladly… and returned to the main stream where he literally coasted until he was 18 and graduated. He didn’t graduate with honors, or with a 4.0, but he didn’t graduate without ever cracking a book!
All of the children in my family have big personalities, this is what I have been told. We are all extremely comfortable talking to strangers and adapting to new people and different environments. But Steve was a little different when it came to that. Steve did NOT like talking to strangers, and it was something that he would go to great lengths to avoid. We would get school supply lists during the first week of classes, and my mother wanting to optimize her time would ask us to call Landtrips (a little store around the corner that has been driven out of business thanks to Wal-Mart) and see if they have all the things on our list. Steve did not want to call, because he didn’t know those people. His solution was simple and profitable! He would pay me and my brother Mark a dollar a phone call to track down all of his school supplies. It was a great little business while it lasted, but all good things must come to an end.
Steve was also the most stubborn person my mother and father have ever come in to contact with. He would literally stand his ground come hell or high water. Steve wouldn’t take medicine if he didn’t like the taste of it. He could be dying of Antrax and if he didn’t like the taste of the medicine he would opt for death. Steve wasn’t going to attend his own high school graduation, an event in which several family members had flown into town attend. It wasn’t until my brother John took him out to the proverbial wood shed that he decided to go. One evening my mother made liver and onions (a favorite meal of my dad’s) and we were all told that if we didn’t want to eat it we could go to bed. All of us tried to grit our teeth and get through the meal, we had our fingers clasped around our noses hoping to taste as little as possible, but not Steve. Steve took one look at his plate, and he addressed to the table “Good night!” Went to his room, got on his PJ’s and went to bed… it was 6:30pm. This is one of hundreds of examples…
All the while growing up there were other little things that Steve did that nobody else did, and I don’t mean nobody in my family, I mean nobody in our neighborhood, school, surrounding area. Steve loved to watch painting shows. You know the ones I am talking about… they are on PBS. The guy with the big hair and then there is the Cajun guy with the “almighty brush”. Steve loved these shows, couldn’t get enough of them, and would make us watch these shows. He would sit there with the remote control in his hand and try to sell my twin brother and me on how great these shows were. “Look at this, this guy is going to paint a whole picture in thirty minutes! You cant get entertainment like this just anywhere!”
Finally when I was sixteen, I was watching 20/20 with my parents… and they had a segment about a man who was divorced and paying child support. He had blue eyes and his wife had blue eyes, but the child had BROWN! He was married for the second time to a registered nurse who pointed out that it is impossible for two blue eyed parents to have a brown eyed child, so they did a paternity test… and he wasn’t the child’s father! That is when I started wondering… Steve has BROWN eyes! No one else has brown eyes… could it be? Could my true brother be out there somewhere? Someone who doesn’t pick on me, someone who protects me, someone that I could tell all my hopes and fears to? I harbored this suspicion for many years and then one day asked my mom about it… and then it happened, my mother told me, and even showed me that she had hazel eyes! Steve is my brother, can you believe that?
Anyway, he came in town for the weekend and brought his girlfriend. We had a great time, and she was great to meet and get to know. We went to Fort Worth for Main Street Days, and that was a blast. The kids put different colored sand into bottles, who knew that could be so much fun… and expensive! Caroline got her face painted, and Claire got a henna tattoo. We went to Claire’s soccer game where she scored two goals!!!! We went to Roy’s for dinner and it was great. I hosted a brunch at my house on Sunday for everyone.
Claire is definitely the niece most like me. Claire tans very easily. I tan very easily. Claire has brown hair. I have brown hair. Claire has blue eyes. I have blue eyes. But the greatest similarity that the two of us possess, is that we are both klutzy. Claire has yet to come into my house and NOT spill something. She has toppled over people’s margaritas, she has had a plate hit the floor, and yesterday she dropped pink yogurt on the floor. I love that kid! When I was a kid I dropped more stuff than anyone, and it is nice to the see the family trait passed on.
So, as you can see… there are people in my family who are really similar and some that are not so similar, but luckily in my family it all seems to work!
Until next time…
Peace, love and paternity test!
Martha
Update... Mar 15, 2007
Good afternoon friends and family,
Well, we are zooming into the weekend, and for those of you lucky enough to get paid semi-monthly… it is pay day. The Ides of March may have been a bad thing for Julius Caesar, but for Aunt Martha it means cold hard cash!!! I love payday. For the obvious reason that for at least 24 hours you feel flush with cash, of course there are bills to be paid, but for at least 24 hours before any other checks clear I feel like I could go out and buy anything… or just about anything that less than or equal to may actual take home pay.
Which brings me to our first topic of conversation, I like to think of these exchanges as a conversations although I am doing all of the talking. Many of you may know that my niece is planning on moving to Dallas in June and that she is planning on moving in with Aunt Martha. I think this is going to be a really great fresh start for Marguerite, the niece, and I am hoping that it is going to be a smooth transition for both of us… but keep your fingers and you ears to the ground… you never know what may happen. She interviewed with a company that does management consulting services… my skin just crawled… and has been somewhat offered a position there, but the position seems to 1099. Yikes, now my skin is really crawling. The unfortunate part so far is that she doesn’t really understand the implications of being 1099 versus W-2. When I told her that she would have to pay all of her own taxes, she told me that she already pays taxes… when I tried to explain that she was only paying a portion of her taxes and that the company was paying the rest, I don’t think she believed me, moreover I don’t know if she was completely listening. But she is an adult and this is her life, so I can only give her information, not advice, and see where that takes her. So, you may want to say a few prayers and start checking the looney bins around the June timeframe… I may be in one, please visit.
For those of you wondering, I am still looking for a car. Currently I am driving my old car, yes the silver Acura… that has a small blemish on the rear bumper, a strangely placed dent on the roof and top of the passenger door, a scratch on the passenger window, and enormous crack in the front windshield that looks like a mapping of the Amazon River. This car has been through a lot folks, and when I say a lot, I mean a lot. This car has been in around 7 accidents. Some of which I was driving the car, and a couple in which it was simply parked in the wrong place at the wrong time… poor thing. This car has been rear-ended at least twice, it has had big things dropped on it from high above, it is on its third (yes you read the right, third) transmission, it has been hit by bus, a BIG YELLOW SCHOOL BUS, full of second graders, and God love this car… it is still going strong. My car had recently started sputtering on startup. You can ask my niece who was in the car with me on one of the worst occasions of my car doing this, I was a complete wreck. I was terrified, terrified of the car stalling out in the middle of the road not only leaving me stranded, but leaving me dead in the path of an eighteen wheeler hauling dangerous chemicals!! I could see the headlines now, “Programmer dies in car accident, it was t he collision that killed her (she’s been through plenty of that), it wasn’t even being thrown precariously from the vehicle, it was the being bathed in Nitric Acid that finally did her in. Her remains have been packed into a Crown Royal bag, and her Mother is burying her in the backyard. Please call for directions”. Then they will simply go on and on about the dangers of Nitric Acid and how you should really keep your car maintained. It is amazing how the newspapers do that sort of thing. Gee, here is some really awful news but let’s explain how this could happen to you and you can avoid it, all the while you have simply been de-sensitized to the fact that someone has perished in all of this. Anyway… I am way subject. The point of the matter is I know that my car is old. I know that my car isn’t, shall we say, 100% anymore. I know that my car isn’t pristine. And on top of all of that, I know that my car is paid for! It is my favorite attribute of the car. So, I have been out on the internet surfing… letting my eyes and fingers do the browsing. I have really fallen in love with the Lexus GS300, model year 2006 or newer. I like the newer body style…it is sleek, it is sporty, it is muscly, it is what Aunt Martha would definitely buy if she wasn’t so afraid of having a car payment. I have to admit I am a little afraid of having a car payment. I am a little afraid of not being able to go out and have a nice dinner when I want, which is pretty much what I do now. I wont be able to buy a new outfit when I want, which is pretty much what I do now. I wouldn’t be able to just jet off to Europe when I want… which is what I aspire to do. But the time for put, slap my credit score down, and finance a car is drawing neigh. I am going to be doing this sooner rather than later, and I will be elated. I will love my new car. I will be happy. I will be broke! So, stay tuned… I could be driving by you in my new car…
The play is going really well, if you’d like to come and see it please do!!! The website is www.roverdramawerks.com. I cant believe it is already our second weekend. I have really enjoyed getting to know all of the people and just being part of a play for the second time has been just as much fun as the first.
Well, I am gonna close out this addition… need to dive back into work, and see if I cant make a difference!
Peace, love, and nitric acid,
Martha
Well, we are zooming into the weekend, and for those of you lucky enough to get paid semi-monthly… it is pay day. The Ides of March may have been a bad thing for Julius Caesar, but for Aunt Martha it means cold hard cash!!! I love payday. For the obvious reason that for at least 24 hours you feel flush with cash, of course there are bills to be paid, but for at least 24 hours before any other checks clear I feel like I could go out and buy anything… or just about anything that less than or equal to may actual take home pay.
Which brings me to our first topic of conversation, I like to think of these exchanges as a conversations although I am doing all of the talking. Many of you may know that my niece is planning on moving to Dallas in June and that she is planning on moving in with Aunt Martha. I think this is going to be a really great fresh start for Marguerite, the niece, and I am hoping that it is going to be a smooth transition for both of us… but keep your fingers and you ears to the ground… you never know what may happen. She interviewed with a company that does management consulting services… my skin just crawled… and has been somewhat offered a position there, but the position seems to 1099. Yikes, now my skin is really crawling. The unfortunate part so far is that she doesn’t really understand the implications of being 1099 versus W-2. When I told her that she would have to pay all of her own taxes, she told me that she already pays taxes… when I tried to explain that she was only paying a portion of her taxes and that the company was paying the rest, I don’t think she believed me, moreover I don’t know if she was completely listening. But she is an adult and this is her life, so I can only give her information, not advice, and see where that takes her. So, you may want to say a few prayers and start checking the looney bins around the June timeframe… I may be in one, please visit.
For those of you wondering, I am still looking for a car. Currently I am driving my old car, yes the silver Acura… that has a small blemish on the rear bumper, a strangely placed dent on the roof and top of the passenger door, a scratch on the passenger window, and enormous crack in the front windshield that looks like a mapping of the Amazon River. This car has been through a lot folks, and when I say a lot, I mean a lot. This car has been in around 7 accidents. Some of which I was driving the car, and a couple in which it was simply parked in the wrong place at the wrong time… poor thing. This car has been rear-ended at least twice, it has had big things dropped on it from high above, it is on its third (yes you read the right, third) transmission, it has been hit by bus, a BIG YELLOW SCHOOL BUS, full of second graders, and God love this car… it is still going strong. My car had recently started sputtering on startup. You can ask my niece who was in the car with me on one of the worst occasions of my car doing this, I was a complete wreck. I was terrified, terrified of the car stalling out in the middle of the road not only leaving me stranded, but leaving me dead in the path of an eighteen wheeler hauling dangerous chemicals!! I could see the headlines now, “Programmer dies in car accident, it was t he collision that killed her (she’s been through plenty of that), it wasn’t even being thrown precariously from the vehicle, it was the being bathed in Nitric Acid that finally did her in. Her remains have been packed into a Crown Royal bag, and her Mother is burying her in the backyard. Please call for directions”. Then they will simply go on and on about the dangers of Nitric Acid and how you should really keep your car maintained. It is amazing how the newspapers do that sort of thing. Gee, here is some really awful news but let’s explain how this could happen to you and you can avoid it, all the while you have simply been de-sensitized to the fact that someone has perished in all of this. Anyway… I am way subject. The point of the matter is I know that my car is old. I know that my car isn’t, shall we say, 100% anymore. I know that my car isn’t pristine. And on top of all of that, I know that my car is paid for! It is my favorite attribute of the car. So, I have been out on the internet surfing… letting my eyes and fingers do the browsing. I have really fallen in love with the Lexus GS300, model year 2006 or newer. I like the newer body style…it is sleek, it is sporty, it is muscly, it is what Aunt Martha would definitely buy if she wasn’t so afraid of having a car payment. I have to admit I am a little afraid of having a car payment. I am a little afraid of not being able to go out and have a nice dinner when I want, which is pretty much what I do now. I wont be able to buy a new outfit when I want, which is pretty much what I do now. I wouldn’t be able to just jet off to Europe when I want… which is what I aspire to do. But the time for put, slap my credit score down, and finance a car is drawing neigh. I am going to be doing this sooner rather than later, and I will be elated. I will love my new car. I will be happy. I will be broke! So, stay tuned… I could be driving by you in my new car…
The play is going really well, if you’d like to come and see it please do!!! The website is www.roverdramawerks.com. I cant believe it is already our second weekend. I have really enjoyed getting to know all of the people and just being part of a play for the second time has been just as much fun as the first.
Well, I am gonna close out this addition… need to dive back into work, and see if I cant make a difference!
Peace, love, and nitric acid,
Martha
Update... Mar 6, 2007
Hear ye… Hear ye… ‘tis word from the cube… my cube!
Just thought I would throw in a little Renaissance for ya… gotta keep you on your toes! Some of you I feel like I just gotta keep you awake. So let’s roll on with an update.
Ok guys there has been a BOAT load going on, and I don’t mean a small boat, we’re talkin’ super-tanker size, we’re gonna have to hit the highlights. So consider this your reader’s digest version of an “update”. March is National Optimism Month… so let’s really look at the positive side of things.
I have nephews, that is a declarative and non-negotiable statement. So far, I have come to learn that boys at around the age of 12 turn into “butt-heads”. It is the only phrase I can use to describe this metamorphism. I can only surmise that around their 12th birthday a voice enters their subconscious. This voice is low at first, but it builds, and over the next five years will simply corrode their minds if it is not killed immediately and monitored for re-growth. It is a cancer. It is the voice of “Butthead” from “Beavis and Butthead”. Hu-hu..hu… hu-hu-hu. I have declared war against laundry, war against mail, and just like terrorism and licorice flavored jelly beans I think this voice needs to be abolished! I have been fighting this voice in the heads of two of my nephews… and I am starting to win I think! Their grades are up. Their hair is short! And the race is on!!! I am think that like the medusa’s snakes, I have cut off one head, only to see the next pop up! But right now, my nephew Trent made an A on a science test… the first A on a test to my knowledge!!!! How great is that? Let’s hear it for the kid!!!
I am in another play, and that is screaming into home plate now. It is “tech week” and opening night is on Friday! Yikes. I have never felt so unprepared for anything in my entire life. I think I was probably even more mentally prepared for my own birth, and I cried right after that happened. So, you may see me in tears come this weekend. We are going to be doing dress rehearsals in the next couple of days… and my “costume” really isn’t even finalized yet. I have been so busy at work, and helping my nephew’s study… that I don’t think I prepared myself as diligently as I could have for this little play. The positive side of all of this is, a) everyone is messing up their lines, it isn’t just me. Poor Rachel last night was saying “I don’t know the lines and I am simply worthless.” The funny part was is that we were supposed to just keep going like it was a real show, I wonder how the audience would have taken that, I can tell you how the director took it… NOT WELL! b) most of the time in plays such as this, the audience doesn’t know if you messed up! They are clueless! They think you were supposed to trip and fall down, and forget half your monologue! As long as you look like you meant to do it… you did!!! So screw up as you like, but look like you mean it. c) I am not going to lose a Tony nomination no matter how badly I do! Nope, no Oscars for me…
Yes, work has been nuts, nuts I tell you! I was working long, late, horrific hours, but finally got the project done. The WM 9.0 Release is officially done and a “gold CD” is being shipped to some ultra swanky software convention in Germany. All of the sales guys are going to this conference… all of them! Apparently they don’t enough boondoggles, so let’s give them one more. Now, I haven’t actually seen the finished CD, but I have been told it is actually the color of gold. I find that a little strange, and really think if it was reflecting the amount of crap put into it…maybe they should have colored it brown. Just a thought, but I guess that is why I didn’t follow my dream of becoming a marketing executive… I’m too honest. You see, in order to be a marketing executive you have to be able to put a positive spin on just about anything! And in honor of March, which is “National Optimism Month”, I would like to explain to you the marketing executive’s role. You need to be able to, with a smile and enthusiasm, tell the CEO, “You know, fourth quarter sales were half of what we expected. The reason is that more than 80% of our sales force quit and we had to recruit girl scouts away from their cookie sales in order to fill the gap. They just didn’t have the experience or the know how to convincingly sell nuclear power generators. But the upshot is that the half-life on those generators is like 80,000 years… they got time to learn!” Yes, those crazy sales folks, they will really spread it on thick. They were kind enough to, before they are scheduled to leave, stop over at a nearby Albertsons and buy and enormous cake covered in that oh-so-sugary frosting, and emblazing “Congratulations WM 9.0 Team”. They even told us that they have already sold like $9M dollars worth of our software! Great news!!! Woohoo!!! I think one of them even thanked our project manager for his commission check. Now, that is real optimism folks… one that comes with some zeros behind it! My optimism for this month lies in the fact that I am nearly 100% confident that you will NOT see me at my desk at 1am on a Friday evening, or at noon on a Saturday, or missing my yoga class on a Sunday, or at 4am on a Monday talking to some Dutch guy about benchmarks… no I am going to be asleep, out and about, in yoga, or (dare I say it) relaxing at home?!?!?! You never know…
Well, I need to rush off… I have been in an all out sprint for over a month I hope you all have a wonderfully relaxing day… swing by Germany if you get a chance, and take a gander at the new software!!!
Peace, love, and optimism,
Martha
Just thought I would throw in a little Renaissance for ya… gotta keep you on your toes! Some of you I feel like I just gotta keep you awake. So let’s roll on with an update.
Ok guys there has been a BOAT load going on, and I don’t mean a small boat, we’re talkin’ super-tanker size, we’re gonna have to hit the highlights. So consider this your reader’s digest version of an “update”. March is National Optimism Month… so let’s really look at the positive side of things.
I have nephews, that is a declarative and non-negotiable statement. So far, I have come to learn that boys at around the age of 12 turn into “butt-heads”. It is the only phrase I can use to describe this metamorphism. I can only surmise that around their 12th birthday a voice enters their subconscious. This voice is low at first, but it builds, and over the next five years will simply corrode their minds if it is not killed immediately and monitored for re-growth. It is a cancer. It is the voice of “Butthead” from “Beavis and Butthead”. Hu-hu..hu… hu-hu-hu. I have declared war against laundry, war against mail, and just like terrorism and licorice flavored jelly beans I think this voice needs to be abolished! I have been fighting this voice in the heads of two of my nephews… and I am starting to win I think! Their grades are up. Their hair is short! And the race is on!!! I am think that like the medusa’s snakes, I have cut off one head, only to see the next pop up! But right now, my nephew Trent made an A on a science test… the first A on a test to my knowledge!!!! How great is that? Let’s hear it for the kid!!!
I am in another play, and that is screaming into home plate now. It is “tech week” and opening night is on Friday! Yikes. I have never felt so unprepared for anything in my entire life. I think I was probably even more mentally prepared for my own birth, and I cried right after that happened. So, you may see me in tears come this weekend. We are going to be doing dress rehearsals in the next couple of days… and my “costume” really isn’t even finalized yet. I have been so busy at work, and helping my nephew’s study… that I don’t think I prepared myself as diligently as I could have for this little play. The positive side of all of this is, a) everyone is messing up their lines, it isn’t just me. Poor Rachel last night was saying “I don’t know the lines and I am simply worthless.” The funny part was is that we were supposed to just keep going like it was a real show, I wonder how the audience would have taken that, I can tell you how the director took it… NOT WELL! b) most of the time in plays such as this, the audience doesn’t know if you messed up! They are clueless! They think you were supposed to trip and fall down, and forget half your monologue! As long as you look like you meant to do it… you did!!! So screw up as you like, but look like you mean it. c) I am not going to lose a Tony nomination no matter how badly I do! Nope, no Oscars for me…
Yes, work has been nuts, nuts I tell you! I was working long, late, horrific hours, but finally got the project done. The WM 9.0 Release is officially done and a “gold CD” is being shipped to some ultra swanky software convention in Germany. All of the sales guys are going to this conference… all of them! Apparently they don’t enough boondoggles, so let’s give them one more. Now, I haven’t actually seen the finished CD, but I have been told it is actually the color of gold. I find that a little strange, and really think if it was reflecting the amount of crap put into it…maybe they should have colored it brown. Just a thought, but I guess that is why I didn’t follow my dream of becoming a marketing executive… I’m too honest. You see, in order to be a marketing executive you have to be able to put a positive spin on just about anything! And in honor of March, which is “National Optimism Month”, I would like to explain to you the marketing executive’s role. You need to be able to, with a smile and enthusiasm, tell the CEO, “You know, fourth quarter sales were half of what we expected. The reason is that more than 80% of our sales force quit and we had to recruit girl scouts away from their cookie sales in order to fill the gap. They just didn’t have the experience or the know how to convincingly sell nuclear power generators. But the upshot is that the half-life on those generators is like 80,000 years… they got time to learn!” Yes, those crazy sales folks, they will really spread it on thick. They were kind enough to, before they are scheduled to leave, stop over at a nearby Albertsons and buy and enormous cake covered in that oh-so-sugary frosting, and emblazing “Congratulations WM 9.0 Team”. They even told us that they have already sold like $9M dollars worth of our software! Great news!!! Woohoo!!! I think one of them even thanked our project manager for his commission check. Now, that is real optimism folks… one that comes with some zeros behind it! My optimism for this month lies in the fact that I am nearly 100% confident that you will NOT see me at my desk at 1am on a Friday evening, or at noon on a Saturday, or missing my yoga class on a Sunday, or at 4am on a Monday talking to some Dutch guy about benchmarks… no I am going to be asleep, out and about, in yoga, or (dare I say it) relaxing at home?!?!?! You never know…
Well, I need to rush off… I have been in an all out sprint for over a month I hope you all have a wonderfully relaxing day… swing by Germany if you get a chance, and take a gander at the new software!!!
Peace, love, and optimism,
Martha
Update... Feb 14, 2007
Yes… It is Valentine’s Day again. Ugh-gain!!! This thing keeps making its way into my calendar year after year. How is that? So I submit…
Well, Happy Wednesday everyone! I am sorry, I should say, Happy “the ides of February” Eve. Both of those designations seem to be as inconsequential as Valentine’s Day so let’s celebrate those.
Many of you know how I feel about Valentine’s Day. I think it is truly amazing that this day is actually something that is celebrated by everyone who has been fortunate enough to not live in a third world country. You see, in a third world country you are trying not to get eaten by a lion, hyena, or your next tent-opening neighbor (was gonna say “next door”, but who are we kidding). But here we are in the United States, and we celebrate St. Valentine’s Day. Saint… Valentine. Now, does anyone know what religion designated this martyr as a “saint”… anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Yep, it was the Catholics folks, but everyone is participating… Catholics, Protestants, even Democrats! They are all in full swing trying to get through Valentine’s Day with their relationships in tact.
Now, let’s look at this folks. This guy dies. He was a martyr so I am assuming that his death was NOT a pleasant experience and he didn’t go quietly in his sleep. He performs… well at least three miracles… is beatified and BOOM finally canonized as a saint. Poor guy exited this world in a painful manner and has been spending his after life trying to get to the end of that little rainbow to be a saint, and working hard to do so. It’s finally over, he is there… a saint, WOOHOO, he made it!!! He’s in the club! Now, he can hang out with all the other saints in heaven… I am assuming there is some sort of space designated just for them to sit around and talk. Like an Elks Lodge, Officers Club, or something to that effect… “Saints Only” sign hanging on the door. So imagine, he is there key to the Saints Washroom in his hand, and several of the other saint are talking about people praying to them and what they are saying. “Hey Jude, guess it has been another day of lost causes, eh?” and you might hear “Hey Christopher, you still hearing about the snow and people’s travel plans?” but I would imagine good old Saint Valentine is pretty much kicked back most of the year. His prayer list is probably pretty short… Which brings me to, if you want to pray to someone… he may have some extra time on his hands, this could be the short line at the grocery store you never see… just a tip. But then Valentine’s Day rolls around… and what happens, he has all kinds of men probably praying that they survive the day with their wallets in tact, on the other hand he has women praying to him that they survive the day with their dignity and sanity in tact (this is regardless of whether or not they are seeing anyone). Yeah, this guy is only getting complaints. All of the other saints have feast days… ALL OF THEM, but only this guy got saddled with the Scarlet Letter… or should we say, the Scarlet Day! You don’t see people celebrating St. Rita’s Day or St. Michael’s Day. No, those days are buried in the Catholic calendar… and no one knows about them. But St. V… he jumped into the mainstream and has been hearing about it ever since. Poor guy.
I think we should do something about this! I think we should right the wrong! I think we should take a vote! Who wants to vote “Valentine’s Day” off the island? Let’s get this thing back to being exclusively on Catholic calendar, let’s put this where it belongs… securely and concretely in obscurity. There are some BIG TIME benefits to this. So, let’s consider a few benefits of getting rid of it. And then we shall see if there is any downside to getting rid of it.
I would like to start our “Pro” List with the obvious. Money. Yep, money. Valentine’s Day used to be going to the grocery store and getting those “valentines” that were little index cards that were white, pink and red that you put each one of the kids names in your class on, and stuffed it into the extremely cheap envelope that came with it, and handed them out. That was it. Now, there might have been the kid in the class whose parents wanted to show everyone that they had more money and would give a sucker with the cards, but that was an extreme case. Nowadays, V-Day is Donald Trump expensive. You have “weekend getaways”… what are you getting away from, Christmas and New Year’s just passed, you should be getting back to work, not getting away. These little getaways range from going to San Antonio all the way to going to Paris… “the city of love” and most likely one of the biggest voting blocks in favor of keeping V-Day… because they get the money!!! Money is being spent on flowers, dinners, presents, diamonds, spa services, single engine aircraft… you name it this is a capitalist’s dream day! Another “pro” for booting this holiday off the calendar is the lack of relationship issues that ensue. There are massive fights about v-day, there are disappointments galore, and even if you are the happiest couple in the world you find yourself anxious and nervous about this day… did I get her what she wanted? Did I meet her expectations? Does he like the dinner I made? Did he like the Leatherman that I got him? The list is infinitely long. So let’s re-cap… if there is no v-day people get to retire 10 years earlier, your relationship has no more added pressure, and you do not have a hundred questions rambling around in your own brain. V-day brings out your insecurities… and they shouldn’t be brought out, that is why they are “insecurities” and not “out-securities”.
Now, the con-list for getting rid of this holiday… Let see you don’t get a day off work, so there is no con there. You don’t find yourself at on a random Wednesday night, not being able to get a table at every restaurant in Dallas. Hmmm… and if your sweetie sends you a bouquet of flowers… you have a chance (a pretty good chance) of being the only one with flowers that day! I cant really think of a “con” to have it off the calendar. I try and I try… but nope, nothing.
So, write your congressman, contact the Vatican, or send out an “Update…” do what you feel you need to but get the word out.
Peace, love, and Leathermans,
Martha
PS – there have been several people request last years “v-day” update it is attached if you would like to read it.
Well, Happy Wednesday everyone! I am sorry, I should say, Happy “the ides of February” Eve. Both of those designations seem to be as inconsequential as Valentine’s Day so let’s celebrate those.
Many of you know how I feel about Valentine’s Day. I think it is truly amazing that this day is actually something that is celebrated by everyone who has been fortunate enough to not live in a third world country. You see, in a third world country you are trying not to get eaten by a lion, hyena, or your next tent-opening neighbor (was gonna say “next door”, but who are we kidding). But here we are in the United States, and we celebrate St. Valentine’s Day. Saint… Valentine. Now, does anyone know what religion designated this martyr as a “saint”… anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Yep, it was the Catholics folks, but everyone is participating… Catholics, Protestants, even Democrats! They are all in full swing trying to get through Valentine’s Day with their relationships in tact.
Now, let’s look at this folks. This guy dies. He was a martyr so I am assuming that his death was NOT a pleasant experience and he didn’t go quietly in his sleep. He performs… well at least three miracles… is beatified and BOOM finally canonized as a saint. Poor guy exited this world in a painful manner and has been spending his after life trying to get to the end of that little rainbow to be a saint, and working hard to do so. It’s finally over, he is there… a saint, WOOHOO, he made it!!! He’s in the club! Now, he can hang out with all the other saints in heaven… I am assuming there is some sort of space designated just for them to sit around and talk. Like an Elks Lodge, Officers Club, or something to that effect… “Saints Only” sign hanging on the door. So imagine, he is there key to the Saints Washroom in his hand, and several of the other saint are talking about people praying to them and what they are saying. “Hey Jude, guess it has been another day of lost causes, eh?” and you might hear “Hey Christopher, you still hearing about the snow and people’s travel plans?” but I would imagine good old Saint Valentine is pretty much kicked back most of the year. His prayer list is probably pretty short… Which brings me to, if you want to pray to someone… he may have some extra time on his hands, this could be the short line at the grocery store you never see… just a tip. But then Valentine’s Day rolls around… and what happens, he has all kinds of men probably praying that they survive the day with their wallets in tact, on the other hand he has women praying to him that they survive the day with their dignity and sanity in tact (this is regardless of whether or not they are seeing anyone). Yeah, this guy is only getting complaints. All of the other saints have feast days… ALL OF THEM, but only this guy got saddled with the Scarlet Letter… or should we say, the Scarlet Day! You don’t see people celebrating St. Rita’s Day or St. Michael’s Day. No, those days are buried in the Catholic calendar… and no one knows about them. But St. V… he jumped into the mainstream and has been hearing about it ever since. Poor guy.
I think we should do something about this! I think we should right the wrong! I think we should take a vote! Who wants to vote “Valentine’s Day” off the island? Let’s get this thing back to being exclusively on Catholic calendar, let’s put this where it belongs… securely and concretely in obscurity. There are some BIG TIME benefits to this. So, let’s consider a few benefits of getting rid of it. And then we shall see if there is any downside to getting rid of it.
I would like to start our “Pro” List with the obvious. Money. Yep, money. Valentine’s Day used to be going to the grocery store and getting those “valentines” that were little index cards that were white, pink and red that you put each one of the kids names in your class on, and stuffed it into the extremely cheap envelope that came with it, and handed them out. That was it. Now, there might have been the kid in the class whose parents wanted to show everyone that they had more money and would give a sucker with the cards, but that was an extreme case. Nowadays, V-Day is Donald Trump expensive. You have “weekend getaways”… what are you getting away from, Christmas and New Year’s just passed, you should be getting back to work, not getting away. These little getaways range from going to San Antonio all the way to going to Paris… “the city of love” and most likely one of the biggest voting blocks in favor of keeping V-Day… because they get the money!!! Money is being spent on flowers, dinners, presents, diamonds, spa services, single engine aircraft… you name it this is a capitalist’s dream day! Another “pro” for booting this holiday off the calendar is the lack of relationship issues that ensue. There are massive fights about v-day, there are disappointments galore, and even if you are the happiest couple in the world you find yourself anxious and nervous about this day… did I get her what she wanted? Did I meet her expectations? Does he like the dinner I made? Did he like the Leatherman that I got him? The list is infinitely long. So let’s re-cap… if there is no v-day people get to retire 10 years earlier, your relationship has no more added pressure, and you do not have a hundred questions rambling around in your own brain. V-day brings out your insecurities… and they shouldn’t be brought out, that is why they are “insecurities” and not “out-securities”.
Now, the con-list for getting rid of this holiday… Let see you don’t get a day off work, so there is no con there. You don’t find yourself at on a random Wednesday night, not being able to get a table at every restaurant in Dallas. Hmmm… and if your sweetie sends you a bouquet of flowers… you have a chance (a pretty good chance) of being the only one with flowers that day! I cant really think of a “con” to have it off the calendar. I try and I try… but nope, nothing.
So, write your congressman, contact the Vatican, or send out an “Update…” do what you feel you need to but get the word out.
Peace, love, and Leathermans,
Martha
PS – there have been several people request last years “v-day” update it is attached if you would like to read it.
Update... Jan 22, 2007
Good afternoon to one and all.
Well, I have actually thawed out enough to write an “update”. It has been cold here in Dallas, really cold, and Aunt Martha (unless I am skiing) is not a big fan of the cold. It has been icy and rainy and literally below 40 degrees for a couple of weeks here, and that is parka weather for me. I am VERY cold natured, so when this sort of weather rolls in, I throw on everything in my closet before I head out into the great outdoors. I look like a five year old in a snow suit, you cant even tell its me in there. But let’s get on with the update shall we?
Well, over the last couple of weeks I have been working my butt off, my job has become the albatross around my neck… fun, fun, everywhere but not a minute for me. I have been working nights, weekends, I even had a dream the other night about allocation routines… that is bad folks! When you are coding in your sleep, you need to ask yourself… am I working too much? The software that I am working on is still in the final release stage but we have one customer who wanted to do the “early adopter” release. Which means they get the software for tons cheaper, but they have to go through the growing pains of seeing what bugs pop up, these people are bargain hunters but they can complain with the best of them. They have been running the software and a week ago Friday the application wasn’t doing very well… actually it was locked up, and they started the complaining. Well, I asked to get the log files sent over and the contact that I had out in LA, her name is Marlys, said that she wasn’t in the office but was close and it would take her 20 minutes to get them to me. I have learned that in LA 20 minutes is close. Well, more than an hour later I begin to worry about poor Marlys. Has she been attacked by some angry Chargers fans? Was she outwitted by a group of first graders and they took all her money? Or is she simply too stupid to find her own office that she goes to everday? No. It was none of those. After nearly an hour and a half, she calls and says she’s almost to the office, and she is sorry but she couldn’t find a Starbucks near the office and had to drive 30 minutes out of the way, and 30 minutes back. OH. MY. GOD. What??? Ok folks, I am not a native of LA, but I have lived in America since birth, and since the inception and proliferation of Starbucks ensued. She couldn’t find a Starbucks within 30 minutes of her office? There have to be 80 Starbucks within 30 minutes of my office, maybe more than that. Where is her office, Death Valley? But more importantly… couldn’t she just go in and email the files to me, and then go find a Starbucks? Was her venti, non-fat, sugar free, white chocolate, double shot, extra foamy, extra hot latte really that important? I guess it was. It took about 2 hours for me to figure out the issue, but it took the rest of the day of explaining it to people for my ideas to get buy in, and people still didn’t understand it. It wasn’t until 2 days later, when the new code set was implemented and they were no longer locking up that people just accepted that they didn’t understand but that functionally it was more important to just let it be. I keep remembering that patience is a virtue, but I keep wondering, why do I need to be virtuous? What did that ever get anyone? You don’t see the virtuous people at the top of the heap do you? Do you hear people say “Ah, that Bill Clinton, now he’s got some virtue” or even “Donald Trump, he got to where he is with nothing more than virtue and a comb”.
I have been able to make it to the gym, and this is where life has been getting better. We all make our New Year’s resolutions, and yes I realize we aren’t even a month into this, but mine is really starting to do well by me. I am actually starting (just starting) to see a real difference. I have been going to this weight training class at my gym. The girl that teaches the class is EXTREMELY muscular. She looks like she could be an American Gladiator. Actually every time I look her I hear Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice in my head, and he is saying “Gluh-dee-ay-tuhr”, her name is Heather, and she is married, and just like all wives I am sure her husband has a pet name for her. I would imagine he calls her “Thor” or something ultra muscly. You can’t call a woman like that, babydoll or sweet pea, no she could crush a “babydoll” or “sweet pea” with one bicep tied behind her back. She is a “Gluh-dee-ay-tuhr”. One of the most remarkable things about her is the smiling. She has a very bright and energetic smile, and she is constantly flashing it. It is happy and inviting and incredible ill-timed. Near the beginning of every class we have to do 3 sets of 16 push ups. Remember, there are only females in this class. She gets into her plank position and for her first set, has both hands down on the ground, one foot on the ground, and the other lifted, as she smiles and counts out her reps to 16. The rest of us are mostly on our knees, both of them, and turning purple. Then the second set comes along, she is smiling, and the legs have switched, the one that was planted on the ground is in the air the other has taken its place on the ground, and she is smiling… all the way to 16. Most of the class is still with her, but several have given up, and curled into “child’s-pose” which is a workout term for the fetal position. Yes, they have named the fetal position “child’s pose”, this is so that you don’t feel like such a complete moron when you have to give up, curl yourself into a ball, and weep softly yourself as your muscles cry out in utter agony. I am still with her folks, gutting it out, gritting my teeth, trying to look like it isn’t that bad, but the third set is just so bad. For the first eight she is doing one armed push-ups, and then switches for the last eight, and invites anyone who wants to follow her lead to do so. Yeah, let me tell you, that line is NOT long… no one does it! Ever! I have been to several of these classes with her now, and I have to tell you it is sheer greatness to see a new person come in and witness this for the first time. There they sit, in “child’s pose”, jaw dropped, and turning pale at the sight of this woman doing her push ups like a Marine station in Gitmo! She is GI Jane!!! Heck, she could kick the crap out of GI Joe… she is “Gee-aye Ahr-nuhld”. The first time I went to this class, the next day I thought I was not going to be able to make it into work, actually I was wondering if I was going to be able to make it from my bedroom to my bathroom. The pain, the soreness, was crippling. I could hardly blink without wincing, but I kept going and it is getting better. I still get sore after the class, but I am no longer shaking like a leaf trying to get to my car, and the next day I am at least mobile… don’t get me wrong, I am not doing one armed push ups, or bench pressing my car, but I am at least hanging in there!!! All I have to say is “Hea-thuh cahn pahmp… you up!”
For those of you who don’t know, I did audition again for another play… and I am excited to say, I got a part!!! Yay! I can hardly believe it, but I am super excited. The play is going to be in Plano, in March. I have to tell you, I am a bit surprised that I got a role, I thought I had totally bombed the audition. I could actually hear the booing when I left, but I was lucky and they had a spot for little old me. So I will keep you posted with more details!!!
Peace, love, and “poosh ahps”
Martha
Well, I have actually thawed out enough to write an “update”. It has been cold here in Dallas, really cold, and Aunt Martha (unless I am skiing) is not a big fan of the cold. It has been icy and rainy and literally below 40 degrees for a couple of weeks here, and that is parka weather for me. I am VERY cold natured, so when this sort of weather rolls in, I throw on everything in my closet before I head out into the great outdoors. I look like a five year old in a snow suit, you cant even tell its me in there. But let’s get on with the update shall we?
Well, over the last couple of weeks I have been working my butt off, my job has become the albatross around my neck… fun, fun, everywhere but not a minute for me. I have been working nights, weekends, I even had a dream the other night about allocation routines… that is bad folks! When you are coding in your sleep, you need to ask yourself… am I working too much? The software that I am working on is still in the final release stage but we have one customer who wanted to do the “early adopter” release. Which means they get the software for tons cheaper, but they have to go through the growing pains of seeing what bugs pop up, these people are bargain hunters but they can complain with the best of them. They have been running the software and a week ago Friday the application wasn’t doing very well… actually it was locked up, and they started the complaining. Well, I asked to get the log files sent over and the contact that I had out in LA, her name is Marlys, said that she wasn’t in the office but was close and it would take her 20 minutes to get them to me. I have learned that in LA 20 minutes is close. Well, more than an hour later I begin to worry about poor Marlys. Has she been attacked by some angry Chargers fans? Was she outwitted by a group of first graders and they took all her money? Or is she simply too stupid to find her own office that she goes to everday? No. It was none of those. After nearly an hour and a half, she calls and says she’s almost to the office, and she is sorry but she couldn’t find a Starbucks near the office and had to drive 30 minutes out of the way, and 30 minutes back. OH. MY. GOD. What??? Ok folks, I am not a native of LA, but I have lived in America since birth, and since the inception and proliferation of Starbucks ensued. She couldn’t find a Starbucks within 30 minutes of her office? There have to be 80 Starbucks within 30 minutes of my office, maybe more than that. Where is her office, Death Valley? But more importantly… couldn’t she just go in and email the files to me, and then go find a Starbucks? Was her venti, non-fat, sugar free, white chocolate, double shot, extra foamy, extra hot latte really that important? I guess it was. It took about 2 hours for me to figure out the issue, but it took the rest of the day of explaining it to people for my ideas to get buy in, and people still didn’t understand it. It wasn’t until 2 days later, when the new code set was implemented and they were no longer locking up that people just accepted that they didn’t understand but that functionally it was more important to just let it be. I keep remembering that patience is a virtue, but I keep wondering, why do I need to be virtuous? What did that ever get anyone? You don’t see the virtuous people at the top of the heap do you? Do you hear people say “Ah, that Bill Clinton, now he’s got some virtue” or even “Donald Trump, he got to where he is with nothing more than virtue and a comb”.
I have been able to make it to the gym, and this is where life has been getting better. We all make our New Year’s resolutions, and yes I realize we aren’t even a month into this, but mine is really starting to do well by me. I am actually starting (just starting) to see a real difference. I have been going to this weight training class at my gym. The girl that teaches the class is EXTREMELY muscular. She looks like she could be an American Gladiator. Actually every time I look her I hear Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice in my head, and he is saying “Gluh-dee-ay-tuhr”, her name is Heather, and she is married, and just like all wives I am sure her husband has a pet name for her. I would imagine he calls her “Thor” or something ultra muscly. You can’t call a woman like that, babydoll or sweet pea, no she could crush a “babydoll” or “sweet pea” with one bicep tied behind her back. She is a “Gluh-dee-ay-tuhr”. One of the most remarkable things about her is the smiling. She has a very bright and energetic smile, and she is constantly flashing it. It is happy and inviting and incredible ill-timed. Near the beginning of every class we have to do 3 sets of 16 push ups. Remember, there are only females in this class. She gets into her plank position and for her first set, has both hands down on the ground, one foot on the ground, and the other lifted, as she smiles and counts out her reps to 16. The rest of us are mostly on our knees, both of them, and turning purple. Then the second set comes along, she is smiling, and the legs have switched, the one that was planted on the ground is in the air the other has taken its place on the ground, and she is smiling… all the way to 16. Most of the class is still with her, but several have given up, and curled into “child’s-pose” which is a workout term for the fetal position. Yes, they have named the fetal position “child’s pose”, this is so that you don’t feel like such a complete moron when you have to give up, curl yourself into a ball, and weep softly yourself as your muscles cry out in utter agony. I am still with her folks, gutting it out, gritting my teeth, trying to look like it isn’t that bad, but the third set is just so bad. For the first eight she is doing one armed push-ups, and then switches for the last eight, and invites anyone who wants to follow her lead to do so. Yeah, let me tell you, that line is NOT long… no one does it! Ever! I have been to several of these classes with her now, and I have to tell you it is sheer greatness to see a new person come in and witness this for the first time. There they sit, in “child’s pose”, jaw dropped, and turning pale at the sight of this woman doing her push ups like a Marine station in Gitmo! She is GI Jane!!! Heck, she could kick the crap out of GI Joe… she is “Gee-aye Ahr-nuhld”. The first time I went to this class, the next day I thought I was not going to be able to make it into work, actually I was wondering if I was going to be able to make it from my bedroom to my bathroom. The pain, the soreness, was crippling. I could hardly blink without wincing, but I kept going and it is getting better. I still get sore after the class, but I am no longer shaking like a leaf trying to get to my car, and the next day I am at least mobile… don’t get me wrong, I am not doing one armed push ups, or bench pressing my car, but I am at least hanging in there!!! All I have to say is “Hea-thuh cahn pahmp… you up!”
For those of you who don’t know, I did audition again for another play… and I am excited to say, I got a part!!! Yay! I can hardly believe it, but I am super excited. The play is going to be in Plano, in March. I have to tell you, I am a bit surprised that I got a role, I thought I had totally bombed the audition. I could actually hear the booing when I left, but I was lucky and they had a spot for little old me. So I will keep you posted with more details!!!
Peace, love, and “poosh ahps”
Martha
Update... Jan 22, 2007
Good afternoon to one and all.
Well, I have actually thawed out enough to write an “update”. It has been cold here in Dallas, really cold, and Aunt Martha (unless I am skiing) is not a big fan of the cold. It has been icy and rainy and literally below 40 degrees for a couple of weeks here, and that is parka weather for me. I am VERY cold natured, so when this sort of weather rolls in, I throw on everything in my closet before I head out into the great outdoors. I look like a five year old in a snow suit, you cant even tell its me in there. But let’s get on with the update shall we?
Well, over the last couple of weeks I have been working my butt off, my job has become the albatross around my neck… fun, fun, everywhere but not a minute for me. I have been working nights, weekends, I even had a dream the other night about allocation routines… that is bad folks! When you are coding in your sleep, you need to ask yourself… am I working too much? The software that I am working on is still in the final release stage but we have one customer who wanted to do the “early adopter” release. Which means they get the software for tons cheaper, but they have to go through the growing pains of seeing what bugs pop up, these people are bargain hunters but they can complain with the best of them. They have been running the software and a week ago Friday the application wasn’t doing very well… actually it was locked up, and they started the complaining. Well, I asked to get the log files sent over and the contact that I had out in LA, her name is Marlys, said that she wasn’t in the office but was close and it would take her 20 minutes to get them to me. I have learned that in LA 20 minutes is close. Well, more than an hour later I begin to worry about poor Marlys. Has she been attacked by some angry Chargers fans? Was she outwitted by a group of first graders and they took all her money? Or is she simply too stupid to find her own office that she goes to everday? No. It was none of those. After nearly an hour and a half, she calls and says she’s almost to the office, and she is sorry but she couldn’t find a Starbucks near the office and had to drive 30 minutes out of the way, and 30 minutes back. OH. MY. GOD. What??? Ok folks, I am not a native of LA, but I have lived in America since birth, and since the inception and proliferation of Starbucks ensued. She couldn’t find a Starbucks within 30 minutes of her office? There have to be 80 Starbucks within 30 minutes of my office, maybe more than that. Where is her office, Death Valley? But more importantly… couldn’t she just go in and email the files to me, and then go find a Starbucks? Was her venti, non-fat, sugar free, white chocolate, double shot, extra foamy, extra hot latte really that important? I guess it was. It took about 2 hours for me to figure out the issue, but it took the rest of the day of explaining it to people for my ideas to get buy in, and people still didn’t understand it. It wasn’t until 2 days later, when the new code set was implemented and they were no longer locking up that people just accepted that they didn’t understand but that functionally it was more important to just let it be. I keep remembering that patience is a virtue, but I keep wondering, why do I need to be virtuous? What did that ever get anyone? You don’t see the virtuous people at the top of the heap do you? Do you hear people say “Ah, that Bill Clinton, now he’s got some virtue” or even “Donald Trump, he got to where he is with nothing more than virtue and a comb”.
I have been able to make it to the gym, and this is where life has been getting better. We all make our New Year’s resolutions, and yes I realize we aren’t even a month into this, but mine is really starting to do well by me. I am actually starting (just starting) to see a real difference. I have been going to this weight training class at my gym. The girl that teaches the class is EXTREMELY muscular. She looks like she could be an American Gladiator. Actually every time I look her I hear Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice in my head, and he is saying “Gluh-dee-ay-tuhr”, her name is Heather, and she is married, and just like all wives I am sure her husband has a pet name for her. I would imagine he calls her “Thor” or something ultra muscly. You can’t call a woman like that, babydoll or sweet pea, no she could crush a “babydoll” or “sweet pea” with one bicep tied behind her back. She is a “Gluh-dee-ay-tuhr”. One of the most remarkable things about her is the smiling. She has a very bright and energetic smile, and she is constantly flashing it. It is happy and inviting and incredible ill-timed. Near the beginning of every class we have to do 3 sets of 16 push ups. Remember, there are only females in this class. She gets into her plank position and for her first set, has both hands down on the ground, one foot on the ground, and the other lifted, as she smiles and counts out her reps to 16. The rest of us are mostly on our knees, both of them, and turning purple. Then the second set comes along, she is smiling, and the legs have switched, the one that was planted on the ground is in the air the other has taken its place on the ground, and she is smiling… all the way to 16. Most of the class is still with her, but several have given up, and curled into “child’s-pose” which is a workout term for the fetal position. Yes, they have named the fetal position “child’s pose”, this is so that you don’t feel like such a complete moron when you have to give up, curl yourself into a ball, and weep softly yourself as your muscles cry out in utter agony. I am still with her folks, gutting it out, gritting my teeth, trying to look like it isn’t that bad, but the third set is just so bad. For the first eight she is doing one armed push-ups, and then switches for the last eight, and invites anyone who wants to follow her lead to do so. Yeah, let me tell you, that line is NOT long… no one does it! Ever! I have been to several of these classes with her now, and I have to tell you it is sheer greatness to see a new person come in and witness this for the first time. There they sit, in “child’s pose”, jaw dropped, and turning pale at the sight of this woman doing her push ups like a Marine station in Gitmo! She is GI Jane!!! Heck, she could kick the crap out of GI Joe… she is “Gee-aye Ahr-nuhld”. The first time I went to this class, the next day I thought I was not going to be able to make it into work, actually I was wondering if I was going to be able to make it from my bedroom to my bathroom. The pain, the soreness, was crippling. I could hardly blink without wincing, but I kept going and it is getting better. I still get sore after the class, but I am no longer shaking like a leaf trying to get to my car, and the next day I am at least mobile… don’t get me wrong, I am not doing one armed push ups, or bench pressing my car, but I am at least hanging in there!!! All I have to say is “Hea-thuh cahn pahmp… you up!”
For those of you who don’t know, I did audition again for another play… and I am excited to say, I got a part!!! Yay! I can hardly believe it, but I am super excited. The play is going to be in Plano, in March. I have to tell you, I am a bit surprised that I got a role, I thought I had totally bombed the audition. I could actually hear the booing when I left, but I was lucky and they had a spot for little old me. So I will keep you posted with more details!!!
Peace, love, and “poosh ahps”
Martha
Well, I have actually thawed out enough to write an “update”. It has been cold here in Dallas, really cold, and Aunt Martha (unless I am skiing) is not a big fan of the cold. It has been icy and rainy and literally below 40 degrees for a couple of weeks here, and that is parka weather for me. I am VERY cold natured, so when this sort of weather rolls in, I throw on everything in my closet before I head out into the great outdoors. I look like a five year old in a snow suit, you cant even tell its me in there. But let’s get on with the update shall we?
Well, over the last couple of weeks I have been working my butt off, my job has become the albatross around my neck… fun, fun, everywhere but not a minute for me. I have been working nights, weekends, I even had a dream the other night about allocation routines… that is bad folks! When you are coding in your sleep, you need to ask yourself… am I working too much? The software that I am working on is still in the final release stage but we have one customer who wanted to do the “early adopter” release. Which means they get the software for tons cheaper, but they have to go through the growing pains of seeing what bugs pop up, these people are bargain hunters but they can complain with the best of them. They have been running the software and a week ago Friday the application wasn’t doing very well… actually it was locked up, and they started the complaining. Well, I asked to get the log files sent over and the contact that I had out in LA, her name is Marlys, said that she wasn’t in the office but was close and it would take her 20 minutes to get them to me. I have learned that in LA 20 minutes is close. Well, more than an hour later I begin to worry about poor Marlys. Has she been attacked by some angry Chargers fans? Was she outwitted by a group of first graders and they took all her money? Or is she simply too stupid to find her own office that she goes to everday? No. It was none of those. After nearly an hour and a half, she calls and says she’s almost to the office, and she is sorry but she couldn’t find a Starbucks near the office and had to drive 30 minutes out of the way, and 30 minutes back. OH. MY. GOD. What??? Ok folks, I am not a native of LA, but I have lived in America since birth, and since the inception and proliferation of Starbucks ensued. She couldn’t find a Starbucks within 30 minutes of her office? There have to be 80 Starbucks within 30 minutes of my office, maybe more than that. Where is her office, Death Valley? But more importantly… couldn’t she just go in and email the files to me, and then go find a Starbucks? Was her venti, non-fat, sugar free, white chocolate, double shot, extra foamy, extra hot latte really that important? I guess it was. It took about 2 hours for me to figure out the issue, but it took the rest of the day of explaining it to people for my ideas to get buy in, and people still didn’t understand it. It wasn’t until 2 days later, when the new code set was implemented and they were no longer locking up that people just accepted that they didn’t understand but that functionally it was more important to just let it be. I keep remembering that patience is a virtue, but I keep wondering, why do I need to be virtuous? What did that ever get anyone? You don’t see the virtuous people at the top of the heap do you? Do you hear people say “Ah, that Bill Clinton, now he’s got some virtue” or even “Donald Trump, he got to where he is with nothing more than virtue and a comb”.
I have been able to make it to the gym, and this is where life has been getting better. We all make our New Year’s resolutions, and yes I realize we aren’t even a month into this, but mine is really starting to do well by me. I am actually starting (just starting) to see a real difference. I have been going to this weight training class at my gym. The girl that teaches the class is EXTREMELY muscular. She looks like she could be an American Gladiator. Actually every time I look her I hear Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice in my head, and he is saying “Gluh-dee-ay-tuhr”, her name is Heather, and she is married, and just like all wives I am sure her husband has a pet name for her. I would imagine he calls her “Thor” or something ultra muscly. You can’t call a woman like that, babydoll or sweet pea, no she could crush a “babydoll” or “sweet pea” with one bicep tied behind her back. She is a “Gluh-dee-ay-tuhr”. One of the most remarkable things about her is the smiling. She has a very bright and energetic smile, and she is constantly flashing it. It is happy and inviting and incredible ill-timed. Near the beginning of every class we have to do 3 sets of 16 push ups. Remember, there are only females in this class. She gets into her plank position and for her first set, has both hands down on the ground, one foot on the ground, and the other lifted, as she smiles and counts out her reps to 16. The rest of us are mostly on our knees, both of them, and turning purple. Then the second set comes along, she is smiling, and the legs have switched, the one that was planted on the ground is in the air the other has taken its place on the ground, and she is smiling… all the way to 16. Most of the class is still with her, but several have given up, and curled into “child’s-pose” which is a workout term for the fetal position. Yes, they have named the fetal position “child’s pose”, this is so that you don’t feel like such a complete moron when you have to give up, curl yourself into a ball, and weep softly yourself as your muscles cry out in utter agony. I am still with her folks, gutting it out, gritting my teeth, trying to look like it isn’t that bad, but the third set is just so bad. For the first eight she is doing one armed push-ups, and then switches for the last eight, and invites anyone who wants to follow her lead to do so. Yeah, let me tell you, that line is NOT long… no one does it! Ever! I have been to several of these classes with her now, and I have to tell you it is sheer greatness to see a new person come in and witness this for the first time. There they sit, in “child’s pose”, jaw dropped, and turning pale at the sight of this woman doing her push ups like a Marine station in Gitmo! She is GI Jane!!! Heck, she could kick the crap out of GI Joe… she is “Gee-aye Ahr-nuhld”. The first time I went to this class, the next day I thought I was not going to be able to make it into work, actually I was wondering if I was going to be able to make it from my bedroom to my bathroom. The pain, the soreness, was crippling. I could hardly blink without wincing, but I kept going and it is getting better. I still get sore after the class, but I am no longer shaking like a leaf trying to get to my car, and the next day I am at least mobile… don’t get me wrong, I am not doing one armed push ups, or bench pressing my car, but I am at least hanging in there!!! All I have to say is “Hea-thuh cahn pahmp… you up!”
For those of you who don’t know, I did audition again for another play… and I am excited to say, I got a part!!! Yay! I can hardly believe it, but I am super excited. The play is going to be in Plano, in March. I have to tell you, I am a bit surprised that I got a role, I thought I had totally bombed the audition. I could actually hear the booing when I left, but I was lucky and they had a spot for little old me. So I will keep you posted with more details!!!
Peace, love, and “poosh ahps”
Martha
Update... Jan 5, 2007
Happy 2007 Everyone!
Yes a new year is dawning, and most people spend the first few days weeks of a new year reflecting on the past year, and making plans for the year to come. These are your “resolutions”. We all make them , we all break them. It really is a strange little tradition don’t you think? They even have labeled this custom as “Making your New Year’s Resolution”. And people ask you about it, “what are your new year’s resolutions?”… just like they would ask you what you got for Christmas, it is an acceptable and expected question at this point. I have never heard anyone say, “you know it’s St. Patrick’s Day, need to start making some resolutions”, no it takes a “new year” or open heart surgery for people to make resolutions, other than that we are foot loose and resolution free. At the new year your find yourself at the commencement of a new calendar period, and set out with the best of intentions to right the wrongs of your past, or too become a better, more healthy, more productive you! You don’t do monthly resolutions or weekly, why? The answer is simple, you are going to fail at these so why have failure occur so frequently? We need to spread this out, if it was up to me I would have decade resolutions and lift a lot of burden off of the masses. I often wonder if the Pope has any such resolutions? If he sits in the Vatican and makes a resolution to try to help moooooore lepers, or pray for moooooore peace, or to say mooooore rosaries… or if he just resolves to himself… “You know, I am pretty damn perfect… other than cussing.” I don’t what the Pope does, but I do know that me and billions of others will make these resolutions (about 5.9 billion others)
I have a feeling about this year… a good feeling. It is 2007. That is the seventh year in this century. I am lucky number 7 out of eight siblings, the seventh child of two incredibly brave parents. I think I have the calendar on my side this year. According to Chinese Astrology it is the “Year of the Pig”, well according to me, it is the “Year of the Martha”. But I have to borrow something from the pig, I like pork, and I love bacon… there is nothing quite like the smell of bacon frying in the kitchen. That being the case, this will be the year I step up to the proverbial plate and chow down. I am expecting a good year, neigh a banner year. So, here are my hardly contemplated, but hopeful, new year’s resolutions.
a) To work out consistently regardless of work pressures. – so far this is going well, and has been since late November.
b) To keep my little home in order – again, this is going well and has been since late November
c) To audition for at least one more play before I die – I hope I don’t die tomorrow.
d) To work on the novel that I have begun and hopefully finish it – again… hoping I don’t die tomorrow.
e) To keep my new year’s resolutions – this is a double whammy, b/c it falls into a recursive pattern this is one of the most dangerous resolutions to make.
Those are mine, please feel free to send me yours… I may pass them along to the rest of the world in my next update, you never know.
I would like to touch on one other subject before I close this New Years Update, and that subject is young love Yes, young love is something I haven’t actually experienced for quite some time. No, I am old, and jaded, and you know what that means… it means I don’t get starry eyed and think the minute I meet someone that BAM we need to “go together”. I take a more adult, cautious, and time consuming approach. Many of you know that my nieces and nephews are growing up and growing older. My niece Rebecca has explained to my how you get married. In her words, “you find some you really like, and then that goes up and up and up…” all the while her hand is elevating in the air at the same pace as her eyebrows… “and then you get married and have babies”. That’s it folks, why didn’t I think of that? But Rebecca, she’s only 9 (nearly 10 on the 27, double digits!) so she hasn’t met that special guy that she “really likes” for that to happen, no she tells me she is keeping her options open, but that she has a few possibilities. Smart kid.
Two of my nephews however, are in middle school, and they have begun to “date”. Which means that text message girls on their cell phone, email them over “myspace” and occasionally pass them in the hall at school. One of my nephews just recently had a girlfriend, she was an older woman, yep… she was a freshman in high school! Hubba hubba. So, he and his girlfriend date for a couple of months. I think they actually saw each other a total of four times, because they obviously didn’t go to school together. But about a month ago, the incredibly foreseeable happened, she ended up breaking up with him, and this was the devastating blow. He cried, it is tough to see a man cry, but tougher to see a near man cry… he is trying so hard to be a man and not cry but failing miserably and blubbering all over the place. He moaned and groaned. He said that he had “waited his whole life for her” and that “before I met her there was a whole in my heart and it was filled with her” and even moreso… “I am going to wait for her!” Wait for her? She didn’t get deployed to Iraq, she broke up with him. Wait? I really think this kid is watching way too much Oprah or something. He was actually going to go to her house and watch “Sense and Sensibility”… I almost took his man-card away from him for that. He is setting some bad precedence there. Next thing you know he will be watching “Steel Magnolias” and renting all four seasons of “Allie McBeal” on DVD!!!
Fortunately he calmed down and has come to grips with the fact that this “relationship” is over. But we were all out to dinner after Christmas, and he received a text message to his phone. I asked him who text messaged him and he said “Crystal”. My mother, trying her best to quickly catch up, asked “Who is that?” and he replied “My ex.” The words hung in the air like the stench from a rotting carcass. I couldn’t laugh. I couldn’t throw up. I had to sit there steal-faced and let the comment go unnoticed. But it was there… he had said it. And nothing was going to make it go away.
My mother and I get in the car later by ourselves and really had a good laugh or two over that. The kid felt like he had been divorced, and he had barely been involved in any kind of “relationship” with this girl. It was a riot. I really hope his next relationship goes as quickly so that he can see that at his age a “girlfriend” is something that is “easy come easy go”, “here today gone tomorrow”, they are like Kleenex… there is always more in the box.
Well, that is all from me for this fine Friday afternoon. I hope you have a wonderful New Year. I hope you keep all of your resolutions, or die trying!
Peace, love, and the year of the pig… oink oink!!
Martha
Yes a new year is dawning, and most people spend the first few days weeks of a new year reflecting on the past year, and making plans for the year to come. These are your “resolutions”. We all make them , we all break them. It really is a strange little tradition don’t you think? They even have labeled this custom as “Making your New Year’s Resolution”. And people ask you about it, “what are your new year’s resolutions?”… just like they would ask you what you got for Christmas, it is an acceptable and expected question at this point. I have never heard anyone say, “you know it’s St. Patrick’s Day, need to start making some resolutions”, no it takes a “new year” or open heart surgery for people to make resolutions, other than that we are foot loose and resolution free. At the new year your find yourself at the commencement of a new calendar period, and set out with the best of intentions to right the wrongs of your past, or too become a better, more healthy, more productive you! You don’t do monthly resolutions or weekly, why? The answer is simple, you are going to fail at these so why have failure occur so frequently? We need to spread this out, if it was up to me I would have decade resolutions and lift a lot of burden off of the masses. I often wonder if the Pope has any such resolutions? If he sits in the Vatican and makes a resolution to try to help moooooore lepers, or pray for moooooore peace, or to say mooooore rosaries… or if he just resolves to himself… “You know, I am pretty damn perfect… other than cussing.” I don’t what the Pope does, but I do know that me and billions of others will make these resolutions (about 5.9 billion others)
I have a feeling about this year… a good feeling. It is 2007. That is the seventh year in this century. I am lucky number 7 out of eight siblings, the seventh child of two incredibly brave parents. I think I have the calendar on my side this year. According to Chinese Astrology it is the “Year of the Pig”, well according to me, it is the “Year of the Martha”. But I have to borrow something from the pig, I like pork, and I love bacon… there is nothing quite like the smell of bacon frying in the kitchen. That being the case, this will be the year I step up to the proverbial plate and chow down. I am expecting a good year, neigh a banner year. So, here are my hardly contemplated, but hopeful, new year’s resolutions.
a) To work out consistently regardless of work pressures. – so far this is going well, and has been since late November.
b) To keep my little home in order – again, this is going well and has been since late November
c) To audition for at least one more play before I die – I hope I don’t die tomorrow.
d) To work on the novel that I have begun and hopefully finish it – again… hoping I don’t die tomorrow.
e) To keep my new year’s resolutions – this is a double whammy, b/c it falls into a recursive pattern this is one of the most dangerous resolutions to make.
Those are mine, please feel free to send me yours… I may pass them along to the rest of the world in my next update, you never know.
I would like to touch on one other subject before I close this New Years Update, and that subject is
Two of my nephews however, are in middle school, and they have begun to “date”. Which means that text message girls on their cell phone, email them over “myspace” and occasionally pass them in the hall at school. One of my nephews just recently had a girlfriend, she was an older woman, yep… she was a freshman in high school! Hubba hubba. So, he and his girlfriend date for a couple of months. I think they actually saw each other a total of four times, because they obviously didn’t go to school together. But about a month ago, the incredibly foreseeable happened, she ended up breaking up with him, and this was the devastating blow. He cried, it is tough to see a man cry, but tougher to see a near man cry… he is trying so hard to be a man and not cry but failing miserably and blubbering all over the place. He moaned and groaned. He said that he had “waited his whole life for her” and that “before I met her there was a whole in my heart and it was filled with her” and even moreso… “I am going to wait for her!” Wait for her? She didn’t get deployed to Iraq, she broke up with him. Wait? I really think this kid is watching way too much Oprah or something. He was actually going to go to her house and watch “Sense and Sensibility”… I almost took his man-card away from him for that. He is setting some bad precedence there. Next thing you know he will be watching “Steel Magnolias” and renting all four seasons of “Allie McBeal” on DVD!!!
Fortunately he calmed down and has come to grips with the fact that this “relationship” is over. But we were all out to dinner after Christmas, and he received a text message to his phone. I asked him who text messaged him and he said “Crystal”. My mother, trying her best to quickly catch up, asked “Who is that?” and he replied “My ex.” The words hung in the air like the stench from a rotting carcass. I couldn’t laugh. I couldn’t throw up. I had to sit there steal-faced and let the comment go unnoticed. But it was there… he had said it. And nothing was going to make it go away.
My mother and I get in the car later by ourselves and really had a good laugh or two over that. The kid felt like he had been divorced, and he had barely been involved in any kind of “relationship” with this girl. It was a riot. I really hope his next relationship goes as quickly so that he can see that at his age a “girlfriend” is something that is “easy come easy go”, “here today gone tomorrow”, they are like Kleenex… there is always more in the box.
Well, that is all from me for this fine Friday afternoon. I hope you have a wonderful New Year. I hope you keep all of your resolutions, or die trying!
Peace, love, and the year of the pig… oink oink!!
Martha
Update... Dec 19, 2006
Good morning and a very Merry Christmas to one and all. This may be my last update for the year, so let’s shut this year down with a laugh or two! Bring on the update!
This holiday season has been busy, busy I tell you. This past weekend really embodies how extraordinarily busy things have gotten. So, I get up Saturday morning at 6:45am. It is amazing how still and quiet the world is on Saturday mornings at that hour. I have these really loud and rambunctious kids that live next door to me, and they are always outside running around and making noise, leaving their bikes laying around (in my yard no less) and even doing some harmless vandalism every now and again. So this morning, away to my window I flew like a flash twisted the blinds open and stepped over some trash and what to my wondering eye did appear, a still fallen morning so silent and clear. No children. No runners. No mailmen were there. Just me and thoughts, and my bed ridden hair.
I immediately started to contemplate all that I had to do. Let’s see, I was co-hosting a Christmas party at Bella’s that evening, and then I was hosting the “1st Annual Newton Christmas Brunch” the following morning. I needed to get started on the occupation of the day. So, I surveyed all that I had to do.
There are two things in this world that I battle in just trying to keep my house clean. Those two things are mail and laundry. It is really strange, both of them seem to have reproductive capabilities. I can create a nice pile of laundry, it will be small and easily fit into the corner, before I know it is a huge mass of clothes, that has taken over the corner, and is now encroaching on the rest of the room. It is like The Blob. It is going to just ooze out over something and consume it. Then there is mail. It is AMAZING how much mail I get, and the worst part of it is that it is never from anyone I know personally. All of the mail that I get is from bill collectors, people wanting to become bill collectors (people selling maid service, carpet cleaning services, lawn maintenance services, mortgage refinance services, terminator services… are you seeing the service theme?), I get coupons for things I would never buy, I get magazines I will never read, I get course catalogues from colleges I will never attend, and of course I get well over a million credit card applications I will never fill out. In other words, my mailbox is more like a stop over for this stuff before it hits the trash. The little door on my mailbox has “MAIL” embossed on it, I should get a new little door that has “TRASH” embossed on it, because after all there is more trash going in there, there actual mail. But just like the laundry, the mail has to go into a pile before it is sorted through and goes in the garbage. And this pile resides on my dining room table, the formal dining room table. I put the mail in a nice pile in the middle of the table, and that pile begins to reproduce, it begins to take over the space on the top of this table, and before you know it this table that could easily accommodate the feeding of 6 people, can no longer be seen under the mass of paper work. The odd thing about it is that the mail never disturbs the center piece that is sitting in the middle of the table. It merely surrounds it, so this center piece looks like an island floating in a sea of mail.
Anyway, I have over the past 3 weeks waged war on my laundry and mail. Just like the war on terrorism, this is a war that is never going to end. It will never be over, and I know this, I am planning on being 90 years old and telling my nursing home attendant to please get my laundry done, because I am at still at war! I am winning this war, and my little home is clean. The mail no longer stops over on the dining room table, nope it has an express ticket to the trash. The laundry actually accumulates in a basket, and gets done at the end of the weekend on Sunday morning, but this weekend I am having brunch on Sunday, so it is Saturday morning and I am doing laundry. I have a 9am hair appointment with Eugene, who happens to be the greatest hair stylist I have ever been to, so I have to get my laundry done early. I speed through my laundry there is only a load to do, because I have been waging war. While that load is in the washing machine, I do my ironing, only a few pieces… that war is really paying off. I finish up my ironing, and head down to Eugene’s. I have been habitually late getting to my hair appointments in the last few months, but this morning I am not only on time, but I have enough time to swing through Starbucks and get myself a coffee and a reduced fat cinnamon swirl coffee cake. You have to save calories where you can, so yes… I got the reduced fat coffee cake, probably didn’t make that big a difference, but it is better than nothing. So, I get my hair done… two hours after sitting in the chair, I look like me again! Maybe even better! I get home around 11:20 or so, and have enough time to drink some water, change clothes and head to the gym for a 24Tease class.
This is a class designed to teach you how to do like a strip tease kind of dance and workout at the same time. It was a little awkward, and even a little stupid at times, but I didn’t feel like a got a good workout in, so I headed home afterward and did 3 miles around my neighborhood, now I was tired. I had a snack, tuna… needed protein, and began to make my apple bread for my brunch the next morning. I check the clock on the microwave… 2:15pm. I make the bread, put it in the oven and head to Cingular b/c my cell phone is no longer working. I walk in and the 20 year old behind the counter, resets my phone and I am heading back home. It is now nearly 3pm, and the bread is going to be done in 30 mins. I get home, change again into something a little more comfy and now I am on outfit number 3 for the day and it is only 3:15. Ding! The bread is out of the oven… I am telling you the house smelled amazing. The bread was looking good, and I was feeling pretty positive about having brunch the next day. I look at my watch, 3:45… I let the bread cool and headed to Wal-Mart to pick up mini-quiches for my brunch (my mother’s suggestion). I swiftly got to Wal-Mart, looked at some digital cameras for my nephew for his Christmas present, and then went to check out. Wal-Mart at this time of year is a zoo… complete with monkeys. The monkeys were everywhere… especially in the checkout line. I went to self-checkout thinking… this will be quicker. Nope. One of the monkeys had gotten the idea of going to the self-checkout with 400 dollars with a groceries in the cart. Who does that? Self checkout is mainly for the people who have one or two items and want to get out of there. I really don’t believe it was designed for those feeling like they need a challenge in their life, and checking their groceries and bagging them is really what they had in mind when developing these little kiosks. This monkey was taking forever, and then to add insult to injury the monkey needed a price check!!! The monkey called over the ape that was supervising self check out and the two of them looked like there were staring at a math problem. The scene was ridiculous. I finally leave the zoo and head home. 5:15.
The Christmas party was scheduled to start at 8:30pm. And me being the procrastinator that I am, still hadn’t bought the food for the party I was hosting in three hours, at Bella’s home which is 45 minutes away. But never fear… I have been up since 6:45am and have been working at life all day…even managing to get in a workout!!! I am Wonder Woman at this point, and me that golden rope that no dastardly villain can escape! I go ahead and get ready for the party. Black pants, black and white shiny shiny shirt, black heals and jewelry. Yep, outfit number 4. I jump into the bat-mobile, ok… it was my car, but I did just pay to get the front headlight replaced, for a mere 265 dollars, damn xenon headlights. I speed down the tollway, on my way to get food for the party. I screech into the Central Market parking lot, and take the place by storm, I even found a watermelon that was needed… and it was December! There was no stopping me. I get to Bella’s house and begin arranging the food. By 8:30pm, the food was on the table, looking as if it had jumped out of the Martha Stewart Living magazine, and I was lounging comfortably on the couch, watermelon martini in hand. I am the walrus!
The party was a huge success, there was food, there was wine, there were people, and there was laughter. A good time was had by all. I left Bella’s and headed home, and landed into bed at 1:30am. I had missed my bed, and I really think that my bed missed me. It had been 19 hours since we had last seen each other, and it was time to get reacquainted. The reunion was joyous… but short! Yep, the alarm buzzed off at 7:30am on Sunday and it was time for brunch. Or at least time to make it.
It was the mad dash, my mother made it over at 9:30am, donuts in hand, God bless that woman. She and I whipped together an entire feast in a little over two hours. By the time everyone arrived… the food hit the table. We had the mini quiches, that I had painfully acquired at Wal-Mart (this is why I go to Target), we had a garlic-cheese grits casserole, sausage balls, hot crab muffins, pecan tussies, the apple bread w/cinnamon butter, mimosas, peach champagne, and even a bloody mary bar… get me one of those! I needed a drink, and my brother-in-law came to the rescue. The bloody mary was delicious and man did I need it. We all loved the brunch, and we are looking forward to next year… I think my mom is hoping I am a bit more organized. I thought it was strange that during the actual meal she had an oxygen tank near by that she would breathe out of occasionally. Maybe that was my imagination… not sure.
Greg and Chris stayed behind in order for me to do some work for them on my laptop. By 7:30pm… yes, it was dark outside, they left. I went to the gym, to get my workout in, and was back home and out of the shower by 10pm. I walked into my bedroom and it was like my bed grew arms, for when I looked at it, it seemed to hold these arms out as if to say “Come here, it will all be ok. You need a rest”. And I did. I think I was asleep at 10:01pm.
Well, I sped through Monday at work, and went to the symphony last night with my mother. This is yearly tradition, we have been doing it 9 years running. We went to Pappas Bros. Steakhouse for dinner. We sit down and I am asking the waitress about the wine list, and she asks me… “Do you know who I am?” and I say “No.” and she replies, “Are you sure?” (I am getting somewhere with this, I promise) and I say “Yes.” At this point I am a little annoyed, I just want my wine and my steak. She finally asks “What is your name?” and I say “Martha”. She said “I am Christie Guy from high school!” She seemed elated to figure out our extremely weak connection. Christie was a cheerleader in high school and too good to be friends with the likes of me. She was the type that stuck her nose in the air and simply passed the rest of us by, as if to say, “You’re not worthy of knowing me”. But now here we are, fourteen years later. She is married with three kids. She is about 40 pounds (rough estimate) over weight. And is WAITING on me. I like my justice served piping hot! And you know what… I got a huge plate of it last night, served up well, even enough for my mom to share it with me! Outside of that, we had a great time. The dinner was spectacular, the service was… well, it was just good to be waited on, and the symphony was I think one of the best we have seen. I got to bed around 10:30pm.
My bed has really been missing me the past few days, I don’t think I have really been investing enough in that relationship, but I am hoping to rectify that in short order. I hope that this holiday season has brought you a smile or two. Until next time…
Peace, love, and time for yourself!
Martha
This holiday season has been busy, busy I tell you. This past weekend really embodies how extraordinarily busy things have gotten. So, I get up Saturday morning at 6:45am. It is amazing how still and quiet the world is on Saturday mornings at that hour. I have these really loud and rambunctious kids that live next door to me, and they are always outside running around and making noise, leaving their bikes laying around (in my yard no less) and even doing some harmless vandalism every now and again. So this morning, away to my window I flew like a flash twisted the blinds open and stepped over some trash and what to my wondering eye did appear, a still fallen morning so silent and clear. No children. No runners. No mailmen were there. Just me and thoughts, and my bed ridden hair.
I immediately started to contemplate all that I had to do. Let’s see, I was co-hosting a Christmas party at Bella’s that evening, and then I was hosting the “1st Annual Newton Christmas Brunch” the following morning. I needed to get started on the occupation of the day. So, I surveyed all that I had to do.
There are two things in this world that I battle in just trying to keep my house clean. Those two things are mail and laundry. It is really strange, both of them seem to have reproductive capabilities. I can create a nice pile of laundry, it will be small and easily fit into the corner, before I know it is a huge mass of clothes, that has taken over the corner, and is now encroaching on the rest of the room. It is like The Blob. It is going to just ooze out over something and consume it. Then there is mail. It is AMAZING how much mail I get, and the worst part of it is that it is never from anyone I know personally. All of the mail that I get is from bill collectors, people wanting to become bill collectors (people selling maid service, carpet cleaning services, lawn maintenance services, mortgage refinance services, terminator services… are you seeing the service theme?), I get coupons for things I would never buy, I get magazines I will never read, I get course catalogues from colleges I will never attend, and of course I get well over a million credit card applications I will never fill out. In other words, my mailbox is more like a stop over for this stuff before it hits the trash. The little door on my mailbox has “MAIL” embossed on it, I should get a new little door that has “TRASH” embossed on it, because after all there is more trash going in there, there actual mail. But just like the laundry, the mail has to go into a pile before it is sorted through and goes in the garbage. And this pile resides on my dining room table, the formal dining room table. I put the mail in a nice pile in the middle of the table, and that pile begins to reproduce, it begins to take over the space on the top of this table, and before you know it this table that could easily accommodate the feeding of 6 people, can no longer be seen under the mass of paper work. The odd thing about it is that the mail never disturbs the center piece that is sitting in the middle of the table. It merely surrounds it, so this center piece looks like an island floating in a sea of mail.
Anyway, I have over the past 3 weeks waged war on my laundry and mail. Just like the war on terrorism, this is a war that is never going to end. It will never be over, and I know this, I am planning on being 90 years old and telling my nursing home attendant to please get my laundry done, because I am at still at war! I am winning this war, and my little home is clean. The mail no longer stops over on the dining room table, nope it has an express ticket to the trash. The laundry actually accumulates in a basket, and gets done at the end of the weekend on Sunday morning, but this weekend I am having brunch on Sunday, so it is Saturday morning and I am doing laundry. I have a 9am hair appointment with Eugene, who happens to be the greatest hair stylist I have ever been to, so I have to get my laundry done early. I speed through my laundry there is only a load to do, because I have been waging war. While that load is in the washing machine, I do my ironing, only a few pieces… that war is really paying off. I finish up my ironing, and head down to Eugene’s. I have been habitually late getting to my hair appointments in the last few months, but this morning I am not only on time, but I have enough time to swing through Starbucks and get myself a coffee and a reduced fat cinnamon swirl coffee cake. You have to save calories where you can, so yes… I got the reduced fat coffee cake, probably didn’t make that big a difference, but it is better than nothing. So, I get my hair done… two hours after sitting in the chair, I look like me again! Maybe even better! I get home around 11:20 or so, and have enough time to drink some water, change clothes and head to the gym for a 24Tease class.
This is a class designed to teach you how to do like a strip tease kind of dance and workout at the same time. It was a little awkward, and even a little stupid at times, but I didn’t feel like a got a good workout in, so I headed home afterward and did 3 miles around my neighborhood, now I was tired. I had a snack, tuna… needed protein, and began to make my apple bread for my brunch the next morning. I check the clock on the microwave… 2:15pm. I make the bread, put it in the oven and head to Cingular b/c my cell phone is no longer working. I walk in and the 20 year old behind the counter, resets my phone and I am heading back home. It is now nearly 3pm, and the bread is going to be done in 30 mins. I get home, change again into something a little more comfy and now I am on outfit number 3 for the day and it is only 3:15. Ding! The bread is out of the oven… I am telling you the house smelled amazing. The bread was looking good, and I was feeling pretty positive about having brunch the next day. I look at my watch, 3:45… I let the bread cool and headed to Wal-Mart to pick up mini-quiches for my brunch (my mother’s suggestion). I swiftly got to Wal-Mart, looked at some digital cameras for my nephew for his Christmas present, and then went to check out. Wal-Mart at this time of year is a zoo… complete with monkeys. The monkeys were everywhere… especially in the checkout line. I went to self-checkout thinking… this will be quicker. Nope. One of the monkeys had gotten the idea of going to the self-checkout with 400 dollars with a groceries in the cart. Who does that? Self checkout is mainly for the people who have one or two items and want to get out of there. I really don’t believe it was designed for those feeling like they need a challenge in their life, and checking their groceries and bagging them is really what they had in mind when developing these little kiosks. This monkey was taking forever, and then to add insult to injury the monkey needed a price check!!! The monkey called over the ape that was supervising self check out and the two of them looked like there were staring at a math problem. The scene was ridiculous. I finally leave the zoo and head home. 5:15.
The Christmas party was scheduled to start at 8:30pm. And me being the procrastinator that I am, still hadn’t bought the food for the party I was hosting in three hours, at Bella’s home which is 45 minutes away. But never fear… I have been up since 6:45am and have been working at life all day…even managing to get in a workout!!! I am Wonder Woman at this point, and me that golden rope that no dastardly villain can escape! I go ahead and get ready for the party. Black pants, black and white shiny shiny shirt, black heals and jewelry. Yep, outfit number 4. I jump into the bat-mobile, ok… it was my car, but I did just pay to get the front headlight replaced, for a mere 265 dollars, damn xenon headlights. I speed down the tollway, on my way to get food for the party. I screech into the Central Market parking lot, and take the place by storm, I even found a watermelon that was needed… and it was December! There was no stopping me. I get to Bella’s house and begin arranging the food. By 8:30pm, the food was on the table, looking as if it had jumped out of the Martha Stewart Living magazine, and I was lounging comfortably on the couch, watermelon martini in hand. I am the walrus!
The party was a huge success, there was food, there was wine, there were people, and there was laughter. A good time was had by all. I left Bella’s and headed home, and landed into bed at 1:30am. I had missed my bed, and I really think that my bed missed me. It had been 19 hours since we had last seen each other, and it was time to get reacquainted. The reunion was joyous… but short! Yep, the alarm buzzed off at 7:30am on Sunday and it was time for brunch. Or at least time to make it.
It was the mad dash, my mother made it over at 9:30am, donuts in hand, God bless that woman. She and I whipped together an entire feast in a little over two hours. By the time everyone arrived… the food hit the table. We had the mini quiches, that I had painfully acquired at Wal-Mart (this is why I go to Target), we had a garlic-cheese grits casserole, sausage balls, hot crab muffins, pecan tussies, the apple bread w/cinnamon butter, mimosas, peach champagne, and even a bloody mary bar… get me one of those! I needed a drink, and my brother-in-law came to the rescue. The bloody mary was delicious and man did I need it. We all loved the brunch, and we are looking forward to next year… I think my mom is hoping I am a bit more organized. I thought it was strange that during the actual meal she had an oxygen tank near by that she would breathe out of occasionally. Maybe that was my imagination… not sure.
Greg and Chris stayed behind in order for me to do some work for them on my laptop. By 7:30pm… yes, it was dark outside, they left. I went to the gym, to get my workout in, and was back home and out of the shower by 10pm. I walked into my bedroom and it was like my bed grew arms, for when I looked at it, it seemed to hold these arms out as if to say “Come here, it will all be ok. You need a rest”. And I did. I think I was asleep at 10:01pm.
Well, I sped through Monday at work, and went to the symphony last night with my mother. This is yearly tradition, we have been doing it 9 years running. We went to Pappas Bros. Steakhouse for dinner. We sit down and I am asking the waitress about the wine list, and she asks me… “Do you know who I am?” and I say “No.” and she replies, “Are you sure?” (I am getting somewhere with this, I promise) and I say “Yes.” At this point I am a little annoyed, I just want my wine and my steak. She finally asks “What is your name?” and I say “Martha”. She said “I am Christie Guy from high school!” She seemed elated to figure out our extremely weak connection. Christie was a cheerleader in high school and too good to be friends with the likes of me. She was the type that stuck her nose in the air and simply passed the rest of us by, as if to say, “You’re not worthy of knowing me”. But now here we are, fourteen years later. She is married with three kids. She is about 40 pounds (rough estimate) over weight. And is WAITING on me. I like my justice served piping hot! And you know what… I got a huge plate of it last night, served up well, even enough for my mom to share it with me! Outside of that, we had a great time. The dinner was spectacular, the service was… well, it was just good to be waited on, and the symphony was I think one of the best we have seen. I got to bed around 10:30pm.
My bed has really been missing me the past few days, I don’t think I have really been investing enough in that relationship, but I am hoping to rectify that in short order. I hope that this holiday season has brought you a smile or two. Until next time…
Peace, love, and time for yourself!
Martha
Update... Dec 5, 2006
Good morning to one and all!
Yet another holiday is upon me, staring me in the face actually, and I am happy to announce that this holiday brings with it something that very few holidays do… not one, but TWO big, beautiful days off of work! Yes folks it is a four day weekend for Aunt Martha. I have examined many holidays for you over the past year (and then some) so let’s talk about Turkey Day.
Thanksgiving is a wonderful time of year, especially in Texas. Up North, in let’s say the wilds of New Jersey, people are freezing their butts off! Yep, they just fall right off. It’s crazy. Chicago has already gotten snow this year… you heard me… snow! But in Texas, it isn’t like that… we get the holiday chill without the freezer burn, its great! I can bundle up and drink hot chocolate. I can enjoy my hot chocolate. When you are in Maine, and someone hands you nice steaming cup of hot chocolate… it is a harder proposition, and you don’t enjoy it. First they hand it to you, and you find yourself gripping the cup as tightly as you can (without crushing it in your hulk-like grip, sending scalding hot chocolate all over you) because the mittens (or gloves you are wearing) are causing this cup to slide precariously out of your hands. Now, the hot chocolate you are holding is at a piping hot eight million degrees, and there is a 100% chance that if you take a sip now, it will burn your tongue, the back of your throat, and those lips that are now in a permanent state of being chapped, but if you don’t drink it now… it will be cold in about 35 seconds, and what is the point of drinking cold chocolate, when you are freezing? So, you take that cup that you are gripping with one hand, with the other hand you push the scarves and hats and ski masks around your face, desperately trying to find your mouth that you are going to expose to the air (which will hurt b/c they are chapped) and then burn the heck out of them! It is crazy. Now, in Texas. You aren’t wearing gloves, and if you (especially in Dallas) they are designer gloves, most likely leather with a cashmere lining, and they easily handle the hot chocolate. You feel no immediate pressure to drink from the cup, you feel that you can take your time, blow on it a bit, because it isn’t going to get cold on its own any time soon. So take your time… enjoy the holiday hot chocolate.
But I digress, where was I again? Ah yes, Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving has some real merits, the most important being the four day weekend. You see many people will argue, but you get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off… yes, but those two days can fall in the middle of the week, Thanksgiving is a GUARANTEED four day weekend, there is no way around it. You have to hand it to our founding fathers when they put this holiday together, they knew what they were doing. They may have been sitting around in the continental congress, with those big, white, curly wigs on, and someone said… “Hey, as long as we are putting some laws down, deciding on what we are going to call this nation of ours, figuring out how to steal more land from the natives, we really need to put some thought into this Thanksgiving feast thing. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but come the end of the year… I am dragging ass a little bit. I could use me a four day weekend. So, how about we don’t do this whole, fourth of July thing, and make it a set date… I get why we are doing “the fourth of July”, but this is just an excuse to have a big meal, so lets think outside the box a bit. Kinda like Easter, they have a whole little formula for that holiday, we could do the same thing, they call it a “floating feast”. I love that, Thanksgiving… the floating feast. I think we should just do it on a Thursday, end of the year… and call it a four day weekend. Who’s with me?” These guys knew what they were doing! So, there you have it. Even if Christmas and Christmas Eve fall and the weekend and they just so happen to give you the four day holiday you are so desperately in need of, they come with four days worth of family obligations. Oh yeah… you have the presents you have to assemble, buy batteries for, and in some cases replace b/c one of the other siblings has destroyed a newly received treasure. You also have the after Christmas sales that are a family must at my house. You have the get togethers. You may even have a family sing-a-long on the day after… you never know, people have some crazy Christmas traditions. Christmas has the hustle, the bustle, and the fan fair. Not Thanksgiving… you eat… that’s it. You don’t HAVE to do anything else. The only other thing to do around Thanksgiving (which is optional, for some people in this world, not for me) is to watch football.
That is icing on the cake!!! The cake was good by itself, a four day weekend of good food and tons of left-overs, but throw in the Cowboy game, and then the Aggies vs. Texas… that is sheer Utopia!!! Does it get any better? Yes, it does. If the Aggies win, that is when I feel like the year could just come to a close… I have done enough, seen enough, lived through enough this year… bring on 2007! I don’t have to have Christmas, why? Because Christmas came early! Santa brought me a win over Texas. I don’t need anything else… don’t need diamonds, furs, or a new Lexus GS350… hint, hint… I am content to let the year go. It has happened in the last decade that my beloved Aggies have defeated Texas, it was 1998 and I was there for that game. Yes, I can stand up and be counted!!! I was there, in full maroon regalia, to watch my Aggies beat the ever livin’, ever lovin’, compound, complex, hell outta tu!!! It was fantastic… and now, I am hopeful again. I am hopeful that my Aggies will be triumphant. I am hoping that they will just win the game, the score could be 13-10, it could be 21-20… I don’t care how big the margin is… I don’t care if it is one point win, or a twenty point win (although the latter would give me some big-time bragging rights, that I could use) I just want the win. Is that too much to ask?
Bit I’ll digress again. Where, was I again, again? Ah, yes Thanksgiving! Now, there are few holidays in this world where being single is really an asset. This social status is really working for you instead of against you, it is your ace in the hole. Now, there are so many holidays that a significant other really is nice, sometimes even necessary, to make the holiday more enjoyable… There’s Christmas, nice to have someone to shop for, nice to have someone to see lights with, even go see a Christmas show… maybe send a Christmas card. There’s Valentine’s day… do I need to say anything here? Fourth of July… someone to go see fireworks with. And the list go on. But not at Thanksgiving! Nope, being single can be a good thing. I am sure you are asking yourself “Why would she say that? Is she finally just cracked up?” No, being single at Thanksgiving immediately does one thing for you… it means you are NOT, I repeat NOT, hosting Thanksgiving dinner!!! No my single friends you are going to be a guest!!! I love being a guest! My Uncle Ed calls himself “America’s Guest”… so I think being a guest, really suits me, its in my genes! I can bring a bottle of wine, maybe make a dessert… something small. Do I have to clean my house in order for scads of people to come over and really mess it up? No, no one is coming over, no one is going to drop wine on my carpet, food on my couches, or wipe the muddy feet on my doorstep! Nope, I’m single! So, what do all single people in the world do on a holiday such as this… they go to either a married family member’s home, or they join their married friends, or they go to their friends family’s house. It is the ONE holiday that you WANT, neigh, you YEARN to be single!! And low and behold, I am! Yahtzee!!!
Well, I am going to go ahead and close out this little update! There is always more to share, and come next week… I am sure I will gain a few, so there will be more of me to share!!! Until next time, enjoy your turkey… and try eating it at someone else’s home, trust me it tastes better!!!
Peace, Love, and four day weekends,
Martha
Yet another holiday is upon me, staring me in the face actually, and I am happy to announce that this holiday brings with it something that very few holidays do… not one, but TWO big, beautiful days off of work! Yes folks it is a four day weekend for Aunt Martha. I have examined many holidays for you over the past year (and then some) so let’s talk about Turkey Day.
Thanksgiving is a wonderful time of year, especially in Texas. Up North, in let’s say the wilds of New Jersey, people are freezing their butts off! Yep, they just fall right off. It’s crazy. Chicago has already gotten snow this year… you heard me… snow! But in Texas, it isn’t like that… we get the holiday chill without the freezer burn, its great! I can bundle up and drink hot chocolate. I can enjoy my hot chocolate. When you are in Maine, and someone hands you nice steaming cup of hot chocolate… it is a harder proposition, and you don’t enjoy it. First they hand it to you, and you find yourself gripping the cup as tightly as you can (without crushing it in your hulk-like grip, sending scalding hot chocolate all over you) because the mittens (or gloves you are wearing) are causing this cup to slide precariously out of your hands. Now, the hot chocolate you are holding is at a piping hot eight million degrees, and there is a 100% chance that if you take a sip now, it will burn your tongue, the back of your throat, and those lips that are now in a permanent state of being chapped, but if you don’t drink it now… it will be cold in about 35 seconds, and what is the point of drinking cold chocolate, when you are freezing? So, you take that cup that you are gripping with one hand, with the other hand you push the scarves and hats and ski masks around your face, desperately trying to find your mouth that you are going to expose to the air (which will hurt b/c they are chapped) and then burn the heck out of them! It is crazy. Now, in Texas. You aren’t wearing gloves, and if you (especially in Dallas) they are designer gloves, most likely leather with a cashmere lining, and they easily handle the hot chocolate. You feel no immediate pressure to drink from the cup, you feel that you can take your time, blow on it a bit, because it isn’t going to get cold on its own any time soon. So take your time… enjoy the holiday hot chocolate.
But I digress, where was I again? Ah yes, Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving has some real merits, the most important being the four day weekend. You see many people will argue, but you get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off… yes, but those two days can fall in the middle of the week, Thanksgiving is a GUARANTEED four day weekend, there is no way around it. You have to hand it to our founding fathers when they put this holiday together, they knew what they were doing. They may have been sitting around in the continental congress, with those big, white, curly wigs on, and someone said… “Hey, as long as we are putting some laws down, deciding on what we are going to call this nation of ours, figuring out how to steal more land from the natives, we really need to put some thought into this Thanksgiving feast thing. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but come the end of the year… I am dragging ass a little bit. I could use me a four day weekend. So, how about we don’t do this whole, fourth of July thing, and make it a set date… I get why we are doing “the fourth of July”, but this is just an excuse to have a big meal, so lets think outside the box a bit. Kinda like Easter, they have a whole little formula for that holiday, we could do the same thing, they call it a “floating feast”. I love that, Thanksgiving… the floating feast. I think we should just do it on a Thursday, end of the year… and call it a four day weekend. Who’s with me?” These guys knew what they were doing! So, there you have it. Even if Christmas and Christmas Eve fall and the weekend and they just so happen to give you the four day holiday you are so desperately in need of, they come with four days worth of family obligations. Oh yeah… you have the presents you have to assemble, buy batteries for, and in some cases replace b/c one of the other siblings has destroyed a newly received treasure. You also have the after Christmas sales that are a family must at my house. You have the get togethers. You may even have a family sing-a-long on the day after… you never know, people have some crazy Christmas traditions. Christmas has the hustle, the bustle, and the fan fair. Not Thanksgiving… you eat… that’s it. You don’t HAVE to do anything else. The only other thing to do around Thanksgiving (which is optional, for some people in this world, not for me) is to watch football.
That is icing on the cake!!! The cake was good by itself, a four day weekend of good food and tons of left-overs, but throw in the Cowboy game, and then the Aggies vs. Texas… that is sheer Utopia!!! Does it get any better? Yes, it does. If the Aggies win, that is when I feel like the year could just come to a close… I have done enough, seen enough, lived through enough this year… bring on 2007! I don’t have to have Christmas, why? Because Christmas came early! Santa brought me a win over Texas. I don’t need anything else… don’t need diamonds, furs, or a new Lexus GS350… hint, hint… I am content to let the year go. It has happened in the last decade that my beloved Aggies have defeated Texas, it was 1998 and I was there for that game. Yes, I can stand up and be counted!!! I was there, in full maroon regalia, to watch my Aggies beat the ever livin’, ever lovin’, compound, complex, hell outta tu!!! It was fantastic… and now, I am hopeful again. I am hopeful that my Aggies will be triumphant. I am hoping that they will just win the game, the score could be 13-10, it could be 21-20… I don’t care how big the margin is… I don’t care if it is one point win, or a twenty point win (although the latter would give me some big-time bragging rights, that I could use) I just want the win. Is that too much to ask?
Bit I’ll digress again. Where, was I again, again? Ah, yes Thanksgiving! Now, there are few holidays in this world where being single is really an asset. This social status is really working for you instead of against you, it is your ace in the hole. Now, there are so many holidays that a significant other really is nice, sometimes even necessary, to make the holiday more enjoyable… There’s Christmas, nice to have someone to shop for, nice to have someone to see lights with, even go see a Christmas show… maybe send a Christmas card. There’s Valentine’s day… do I need to say anything here? Fourth of July… someone to go see fireworks with. And the list go on. But not at Thanksgiving! Nope, being single can be a good thing. I am sure you are asking yourself “Why would she say that? Is she finally just cracked up?” No, being single at Thanksgiving immediately does one thing for you… it means you are NOT, I repeat NOT, hosting Thanksgiving dinner!!! No my single friends you are going to be a guest!!! I love being a guest! My Uncle Ed calls himself “America’s Guest”… so I think being a guest, really suits me, its in my genes! I can bring a bottle of wine, maybe make a dessert… something small. Do I have to clean my house in order for scads of people to come over and really mess it up? No, no one is coming over, no one is going to drop wine on my carpet, food on my couches, or wipe the muddy feet on my doorstep! Nope, I’m single! So, what do all single people in the world do on a holiday such as this… they go to either a married family member’s home, or they join their married friends, or they go to their friends family’s house. It is the ONE holiday that you WANT, neigh, you YEARN to be single!! And low and behold, I am! Yahtzee!!!
Well, I am going to go ahead and close out this little update! There is always more to share, and come next week… I am sure I will gain a few, so there will be more of me to share!!! Until next time, enjoy your turkey… and try eating it at someone else’s home, trust me it tastes better!!!
Peace, Love, and four day weekends,
Martha
Update... Nov 17, 2006
Good morning to one and all!
Yet another holiday is upon me, staring me in the face actually, and I am happy to announce that this holiday brings with it something that very few holidays do… not one, but TWO big, beautiful days off of work! Yes folks it is a four day weekend for Aunt Martha. I have examined many holidays for you over the past year (and then some) so let’s talk about Turkey Day.
Thanksgiving is a wonderful time of year, especially in Texas. Up North, in let’s say the wilds of New Jersey, people are freezing their butts off! Yep, they just fall right off. It’s crazy. Chicago has already gotten snow this year… you heard me… snow! But in Texas, it isn’t like that… we get the holiday chill without the freezer burn, its great! I can bundle up and drink hot chocolate. I can enjoy my hot chocolate. When you are in Maine, and someone hands you nice steaming cup of hot chocolate… it is a harder proposition, and you don’t enjoy it. First they hand it to you, and you find yourself gripping the cup as tightly as you can (without crushing it in your hulk-like grip, sending scalding hot chocolate all over you) because the mittens (or gloves you are wearing) are causing this cup to slide precariously out of your hands. Now, the hot chocolate you are holding is at a piping hot eight million degrees, and there is a 100% chance that if you take a sip now, it will burn your tongue, the back of your throat, and those lips that are now in a permanent state of being chapped, but if you don’t drink it now… it will be cold in about 35 seconds, and what is the point of drinking cold chocolate, when you are freezing? So, you take that cup that you are gripping with one hand, with the other hand you push the scarves and hats and ski masks around your face, desperately trying to find your mouth that you are going to expose to the air (which will hurt b/c they are chapped) and then burn the heck out of them! It is crazy. Now, in Texas. You aren’t wearing gloves, and if you (especially in Dallas) they are designer gloves, most likely leather with a cashmere lining, and they easily handle the hot chocolate. You feel no immediate pressure to drink from the cup, you feel that you can take your time, blow on it a bit, because it isn’t going to get cold on its own any time soon. So take your time… enjoy the holiday hot chocolate.
But I digress, where was I again? Ah yes, Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving has some real merits, the most important being the four day weekend. You see many people will argue, but you get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off… yes, but those two days can fall in the middle of the week, Thanksgiving is a GUARANTEED four day weekend, there is no way around it. You have to hand it to our founding fathers when they put this holiday together, they knew what they were doing. They may have been sitting around in the continental congress, with those big, white, curly wigs on, and someone said… “Hey, as long as we are putting some laws down, deciding on what we are going to call this nation of ours, figuring out how to steal more land from the natives, we really need to put some thought into this Thanksgiving feast thing. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but come the end of the year… I am dragging ass a little bit. I could use me a four day weekend. So, how about we don’t do this whole, fourth of July thing, and make it a set date… I get why we are doing “the fourth of July”, but this is just an excuse to have a big meal, so lets think outside the box a bit. Kinda like Easter, they have a whole little formula for that holiday, we could do the same thing, they call it a “floating feast”. I love that, Thanksgiving… the floating feast. I think we should just do it on a Thursday, end of the year… and call it a four day weekend. Who’s with me?” These guys knew what they were doing! So, there you have it. Even if Christmas and Christmas Eve fall and the weekend and they just so happen to give you the four day holiday you are so desperately in need of, they come with four days worth of family obligations. Oh yeah… you have the presents you have to assemble, buy batteries for, and in some cases replace b/c one of the other siblings has destroyed a newly received treasure. You also have the after Christmas sales that are a family must at my house. You have the get togethers. You may even have a family sing-a-long on the day after… you never know, people have some crazy Christmas traditions. Christmas has the hustle, the bustle, and the fan fair. Not Thanksgiving… you eat… that’s it. You don’t HAVE to do anything else. The only other thing to do around Thanksgiving (which is optional, for some people in this world, not for me) is to watch football.
That is icing on the cake!!! The cake was good by itself, a four day weekend of good food and tons of left-overs, but throw in the Cowboy game, and then the Aggies vs. Texas… that is sheer Utopia!!! Does it get any better? Yes, it does. If the Aggies win, that is when I feel like the year could just come to a close… I have done enough, seen enough, lived through enough this year… bring on 2007! I don’t have to have Christmas, why? Because Christmas came early! Santa brought me a win over Texas. I don’t need anything else… don’t need diamonds, furs, or a new Lexus GS350… hint, hint… I am content to let the year go. It has happened in the last decade that my beloved Aggies have defeated Texas, it was 1998 and I was there for that game. Yes, I can stand up and be counted!!! I was there, in full maroon regalia, to watch my Aggies beat the ever livin’, ever lovin’, compound, complex, hell outta tu!!! It was fantastic… and now, I am hopeful again. I am hopeful that my Aggies will be triumphant. I am hoping that they will just win the game, the score could be 13-10, it could be 21-20… I don’t care how big the margin is… I don’t care if it is one point win, or a twenty point win (although the latter would give me some big-time bragging rights, that I could use) I just want the win. Is that too much to ask?
Bit I’ll digress again. Where, was I again, again? Ah, yes Thanksgiving! Now, there are few holidays in this world where being single is really an asset. This social status is really working for you instead of against you, it is your ace in the hole. Now, there are so many holidays that a significant other really is nice, sometimes even necessary, to make the holiday more enjoyable… There’s Christmas, nice to have someone to shop for, nice to have someone to see lights with, even go see a Christmas show… maybe send a Christmas card. There’s Valentine’s day… do I need to say anything here? Fourth of July… someone to go see fireworks with. And the list go on. But not at Thanksgiving! Nope, being single can be a good thing. I am sure you are asking yourself “Why would she say that? Is she finally just cracked up?” No, being single at Thanksgiving immediately does one thing for you… it means you are NOT, I repeat NOT, hosting Thanksgiving dinner!!! No my single friends you are going to be a guest!!! I love being a guest! My Uncle Ed calls himself “America’s Guest”… so I think being a guest, really suits me, its in my genes! I can bring a bottle of wine, maybe make a dessert… something small. Do I have to clean my house in order for scads of people to come over and really mess it up? No, no one is coming over, no one is going to drop wine on my carpet, food on my couches, or wipe the muddy feet on my doorstep! Nope, I’m single! So, what do all single people in the world do on a holiday such as this… they go to either a married family member’s home, or they join their married friends, or they go to their friends family’s house. It is the ONE holiday that you WANT, neigh, you YEARN to be single!! And low and behold, I am! Yahtzee!!!
Well, I am going to go ahead and close out this little update! There is always more to share, and come next week… I am sure I will gain a few, so there will be more of me to share!!! Until next time, enjoy your turkey… and try eating it at someone else’s home, trust me it tastes better!!!
Peace, Love, and four day weekends,
Martha
Yet another holiday is upon me, staring me in the face actually, and I am happy to announce that this holiday brings with it something that very few holidays do… not one, but TWO big, beautiful days off of work! Yes folks it is a four day weekend for Aunt Martha. I have examined many holidays for you over the past year (and then some) so let’s talk about Turkey Day.
Thanksgiving is a wonderful time of year, especially in Texas. Up North, in let’s say the wilds of New Jersey, people are freezing their butts off! Yep, they just fall right off. It’s crazy. Chicago has already gotten snow this year… you heard me… snow! But in Texas, it isn’t like that… we get the holiday chill without the freezer burn, its great! I can bundle up and drink hot chocolate. I can enjoy my hot chocolate. When you are in Maine, and someone hands you nice steaming cup of hot chocolate… it is a harder proposition, and you don’t enjoy it. First they hand it to you, and you find yourself gripping the cup as tightly as you can (without crushing it in your hulk-like grip, sending scalding hot chocolate all over you) because the mittens (or gloves you are wearing) are causing this cup to slide precariously out of your hands. Now, the hot chocolate you are holding is at a piping hot eight million degrees, and there is a 100% chance that if you take a sip now, it will burn your tongue, the back of your throat, and those lips that are now in a permanent state of being chapped, but if you don’t drink it now… it will be cold in about 35 seconds, and what is the point of drinking cold chocolate, when you are freezing? So, you take that cup that you are gripping with one hand, with the other hand you push the scarves and hats and ski masks around your face, desperately trying to find your mouth that you are going to expose to the air (which will hurt b/c they are chapped) and then burn the heck out of them! It is crazy. Now, in Texas. You aren’t wearing gloves, and if you (especially in Dallas) they are designer gloves, most likely leather with a cashmere lining, and they easily handle the hot chocolate. You feel no immediate pressure to drink from the cup, you feel that you can take your time, blow on it a bit, because it isn’t going to get cold on its own any time soon. So take your time… enjoy the holiday hot chocolate.
But I digress, where was I again? Ah yes, Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving has some real merits, the most important being the four day weekend. You see many people will argue, but you get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off… yes, but those two days can fall in the middle of the week, Thanksgiving is a GUARANTEED four day weekend, there is no way around it. You have to hand it to our founding fathers when they put this holiday together, they knew what they were doing. They may have been sitting around in the continental congress, with those big, white, curly wigs on, and someone said… “Hey, as long as we are putting some laws down, deciding on what we are going to call this nation of ours, figuring out how to steal more land from the natives, we really need to put some thought into this Thanksgiving feast thing. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but come the end of the year… I am dragging ass a little bit. I could use me a four day weekend. So, how about we don’t do this whole, fourth of July thing, and make it a set date… I get why we are doing “the fourth of July”, but this is just an excuse to have a big meal, so lets think outside the box a bit. Kinda like Easter, they have a whole little formula for that holiday, we could do the same thing, they call it a “floating feast”. I love that, Thanksgiving… the floating feast. I think we should just do it on a Thursday, end of the year… and call it a four day weekend. Who’s with me?” These guys knew what they were doing! So, there you have it. Even if Christmas and Christmas Eve fall and the weekend and they just so happen to give you the four day holiday you are so desperately in need of, they come with four days worth of family obligations. Oh yeah… you have the presents you have to assemble, buy batteries for, and in some cases replace b/c one of the other siblings has destroyed a newly received treasure. You also have the after Christmas sales that are a family must at my house. You have the get togethers. You may even have a family sing-a-long on the day after… you never know, people have some crazy Christmas traditions. Christmas has the hustle, the bustle, and the fan fair. Not Thanksgiving… you eat… that’s it. You don’t HAVE to do anything else. The only other thing to do around Thanksgiving (which is optional, for some people in this world, not for me) is to watch football.
That is icing on the cake!!! The cake was good by itself, a four day weekend of good food and tons of left-overs, but throw in the Cowboy game, and then the Aggies vs. Texas… that is sheer Utopia!!! Does it get any better? Yes, it does. If the Aggies win, that is when I feel like the year could just come to a close… I have done enough, seen enough, lived through enough this year… bring on 2007! I don’t have to have Christmas, why? Because Christmas came early! Santa brought me a win over Texas. I don’t need anything else… don’t need diamonds, furs, or a new Lexus GS350… hint, hint… I am content to let the year go. It has happened in the last decade that my beloved Aggies have defeated Texas, it was 1998 and I was there for that game. Yes, I can stand up and be counted!!! I was there, in full maroon regalia, to watch my Aggies beat the ever livin’, ever lovin’, compound, complex, hell outta tu!!! It was fantastic… and now, I am hopeful again. I am hopeful that my Aggies will be triumphant. I am hoping that they will just win the game, the score could be 13-10, it could be 21-20… I don’t care how big the margin is… I don’t care if it is one point win, or a twenty point win (although the latter would give me some big-time bragging rights, that I could use) I just want the win. Is that too much to ask?
Bit I’ll digress again. Where, was I again, again? Ah, yes Thanksgiving! Now, there are few holidays in this world where being single is really an asset. This social status is really working for you instead of against you, it is your ace in the hole. Now, there are so many holidays that a significant other really is nice, sometimes even necessary, to make the holiday more enjoyable… There’s Christmas, nice to have someone to shop for, nice to have someone to see lights with, even go see a Christmas show… maybe send a Christmas card. There’s Valentine’s day… do I need to say anything here? Fourth of July… someone to go see fireworks with. And the list go on. But not at Thanksgiving! Nope, being single can be a good thing. I am sure you are asking yourself “Why would she say that? Is she finally just cracked up?” No, being single at Thanksgiving immediately does one thing for you… it means you are NOT, I repeat NOT, hosting Thanksgiving dinner!!! No my single friends you are going to be a guest!!! I love being a guest! My Uncle Ed calls himself “America’s Guest”… so I think being a guest, really suits me, its in my genes! I can bring a bottle of wine, maybe make a dessert… something small. Do I have to clean my house in order for scads of people to come over and really mess it up? No, no one is coming over, no one is going to drop wine on my carpet, food on my couches, or wipe the muddy feet on my doorstep! Nope, I’m single! So, what do all single people in the world do on a holiday such as this… they go to either a married family member’s home, or they join their married friends, or they go to their friends family’s house. It is the ONE holiday that you WANT, neigh, you YEARN to be single!! And low and behold, I am! Yahtzee!!!
Well, I am going to go ahead and close out this little update! There is always more to share, and come next week… I am sure I will gain a few, so there will be more of me to share!!! Until next time, enjoy your turkey… and try eating it at someone else’s home, trust me it tastes better!!!
Peace, Love, and four day weekends,
Martha
Update... Nov 7, 2006
Good afternoon to one and all!!! I have been traveling again. Here and there and everywhere in between… I should get a job in the travel industry, but that may require me learning a new language and I don’t have English mastered yet so that is probably a lofty goal. Anyway, lots to tell this update so fasten your seat belts it is gonna be quick!!!
Well, they say a rolling stone gathers no moss… but I will tell you this, drop that same stone out in the middle of Phoenix, and sitting still that thing will gather no moss. As a matter of fact and inquiry it will only gather bugs and dust. That is what they have in Phoenix, bugs and dust, and if your subdivision is downwind of a farm, you also have the added bonus of manure smell. And let me tell you, manure baking in the hot Arizona sun is not a great smell. I don’t care if you call it fertilizer, it is still manure and it still smells like manure. Let me clarify my point.
So, I headed out to Phoenix for my nephew’s 10th birthday bonanza. Nearly all celebrations in my family turn into full-fledged bonanzas, I am not sure how we do it, but we always seem to manage. God love us. Anyway, I headed out on Friday. I had my birthday gift for Mason, my mother’s birthday gift card for Mason, and my sister’s lovingly written check for Mason, as well as my nieces handcrafted birthday cards! I was ready. Now the 10th birthday is a big birthday. You are entering in to double digit years, something you will never do again. And I have now been warned that entering into triple digits isn’t filled with nearly the pomp and circumstance, nope you get to be 100, and generally the few people that are still alive that know you, wheel themselves into you retire home, their iron lungs in tow, and try to watch you eat your birthday yogurt. You don’t get cake anymore, you cant digest it, nor can you chew it… didn’t know cake needed that much chewing, but you are now relegated to the simple notion that the easier the food is to swallow the better. You don’t even open your gifts anymore, because people aren’t buying you gifts. Nope, you made to 100 and you have a funny looking paper crown strapped to your head, you are eating yogurt and everyone is trying to remind you it’s your birthday and convince you that you look great in your hospital bed and there is no need to get up on their account. But let’s get back to turn 10 shall we?
For those of you who don’t know, my brother, yes my twin brother, Mark, has been promoted to District Manager. This is HUGE!!! He is has become “Mr. Big Time”, “Mr. Important”, “Mr. Have Company Credit Card will Travel”. His company moved him out to Phoenix to take his new position a little over six weeks ago, and the rest of his family just recently joined him in the past couple of weeks. Mendy, “Mrs. Big Time”, spent the last week unpacking their stuff and setting up their brand new house. Mark and Mendy (yes, those are their real names and they have heard that joke before) bought a house outside of Phoenix. When I say “outside of Phoenix” I mean an hour outside of Phoenix. You actually have to drive thru and entire Indian reservation to get to their little city of Maricopa, which for the record has no sit down restaurants or Starbucks! They bought a brand new house, it is stucko (all homes out there are stucko) it has a tile roof, and no grass. Instead of grass they have rocks, and none of these rocks have moss on them. I checked. Anyway, they had visited the sub-division a few times before they closed. Coincidentally enough, the next time they went to the sub-division after they closed there was a pungent stench in the air. Yep, manure. They are down wind from a farm or a manure processing plant, they say it is a farm, but seriously you feel like you are trapped in a baby’s diaper, it is rank! So, this is what I am thinking, I am thinking that they wont let people come out to see the homes on days when “the winds a-blowin” because NO ONE would buy house then. So, they get you out there on a nice calm day and lure you in with terrific incentives and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Those sneaky little builders, but they closed and they say that it will be better in a couple years. A couple of years? I might try to sue my way out of that deal, but overall the house is wonderful, on the inside, and when you shut the windows and doors you cant smell the outside, so it is a great place!
Mason and Mitchell just started school the Monday before I came out to visit, therefore Mason’s tenth birthday party was going to be just family, so Aunt Martha was going to make sure she was there! I came in Friday evening and my flight was delayed, so I didn’t get to Phoenix until 9pm, didn’t get my bag until 9:30, maybe 9:45, come to think of it… it was more like 10:45. It took FOREVER. I think since everyone is checking their luggage it is now taking 20 times longer for them to get the luggage off the planes and on to the baggage merry-go-rounds. It was painful to stand there and wonder if my bag was ever going to make it, but it finally showed up, and we headed to the car. I got in the car and the kids were telling me about Phoenix and their new school. Mendy told me that Mitchell (my seven year old nephew) told him that he “loves his new school!”. She said he came home the first day and said “this is the greatest school! You can have pizza everyday if you want, they let you play on the playground three times a day, and there are four girls in my class that like me… and one ‘em is cute!” This kid was born to be in Phoenix. He went trick-or-treating this year in Phoenix, and he wrote in his paper at school that he dressed up as “somebody scary” and that next year he was going to dress up as “somebody VERY scary”. You gotta love that. Mitchell is a very pleasing child and my brother Mark has nicknamed him, Begonia. Many of you reading this have been dubbed something other than your given name by my brother Mark (personally he has given me about ten of them and trust me he isn’t done), and if you haven’t you just need to know that these nicknames are random, they do not shorten your name (as most nicknames do… Kimberly, Kim… Jennifer, Jenny… no with my brother it is Mitchell, Beef Begonia) they lengthen your name. They sometimes come with a song that will be sung for you at random times, and generally Mark is the only one that knows where the nickname comes from. This is something that we all find endearing in the Newton clan, we like the nicknames and the songs, but I have to tell you, I have had a boyfriend or two that at first didn’t like the nickname they were given, but ultimately they warmed up to it and loved it!!! Stick with me, and you could get one too ;)
Anyway, we went out to eat the first evening to a Greek restaurant, the kids were NOT happy. Mason didn’t eat anything, this kid hadn’t eaten since lunch and it is closing in on 10pm. He was not eating, and you couldn’t talk him into it. He had decided to be Ghandi. He was not eating Greek food, he would not eat it here or there, he would not put it in his hair, he did not like hummus and lamb, he did not want them Sam I am. He went the entire meal watching us eat. He just kept saying, “I waaaaaaaaaant to gooooooooooo”. That kid is stubborn. Mitchell tried to follow his brother’s lead. At first he had his head on the table and was saying he wasn’t eating either, but finally the pita bread got him. He took a bite, and he liked it!!! He said it tasted “like a tortilla with butter, cinnamon, sugar, and bacon on it”. Interesting, that’s all I have to say about that. Anyway, we finally leave the restaurant with three to-go boxes full of food and head home. Mendy makes Mason three sandwiches, and he eats them all… he was staaaaaaaaaaaaaarving. Now, you have to examine that situation, he was more stubborn than starving, that says a lot for that kids strength of will. You aren’t talkin’ him into anything.
The next day we went to the Arizona State Fair. This isn’t the Texas State Fair, but it was good enough. We had a lot of fun, but we left early enough so that Mason could open his birthday gifts. Now that will put any soon-to-be ten year old in a great mood, and Mason was no exception. This kid was excited. We put all of the gifts in the middle of the floor in the living room and he starts tearing into them. He opens mine first, iPod Nano! It’s a crowd pleaser… and I ask him if he wants to me to load it up with songs from my laptop… he says “uh, yeah”. He tears open the next gift, Nana got him “Guitar Hero” for the PS2. You gotta love that Nana, she knows the way to that kid’s heart. He was pumped. Could the gifts get any better? Then his parents look at him and say “Mason, we took you to the fair today, you got the watch you wanted from us, and we also bought you tickets the Suns vs the Mavs on Thursday!” This was the best birthday ever!!! Mason was thrilled. The tickets were the crowning glory, they were by far the best gift he got! He couldn’t believe he was going to see the Mavs play in Phoenix. Ten is going to be a great year for this kid, it is starting off with electronic equipment, new video games, money and gifts cards, and the Mavs game, what will eleven bring?
The next morning we finally get the PS2 unboxed and setup upstairs so that we could all play “Guitar Hero” and when I say “we could all play” I mean, Mason. This kid didn’t want anyone to have a turn. Apparently when you’re 10 your gifts are for your use only. This kid walked around with his ear phones in his ears and his iPod in his pocket. I don’t know if he has taken the earphones out of his ears yet. But we watched him play the video game and even muscled in a few turns for me and Mitchell (hey, I’m a Toys-R-Us kid too!) and then it was time to go have lunch and head back to the airport. The fun was over! The weekend was finished. We went to eat Mexican food for lunch (Mason picked, and he ate, this was exciting to see!). The thing that they have out in Arizona, is this spicy bean dip! This stuff is great, and it is free!!! They give you salsa and this spicy bean dip for free with your chips, I love this stuff. It has beans (duh…) and cheese and chilies all pureed into this dip. Man, it was tasty. So, if you head out to the desert, I highly recommend that. Although be forewarned, that they do not have Tex-Mex out there and the Mexican food you think you are ordering, may not be what you find sitting in front of you… just a tip, from your friendly traveler!
Well, that is it for this time! Hope you are all doing well!!
Peace, love, Beef Begonias!!!
Martha
Well, they say a rolling stone gathers no moss… but I will tell you this, drop that same stone out in the middle of Phoenix, and sitting still that thing will gather no moss. As a matter of fact and inquiry it will only gather bugs and dust. That is what they have in Phoenix, bugs and dust, and if your subdivision is downwind of a farm, you also have the added bonus of manure smell. And let me tell you, manure baking in the hot Arizona sun is not a great smell. I don’t care if you call it fertilizer, it is still manure and it still smells like manure. Let me clarify my point.
So, I headed out to Phoenix for my nephew’s 10th birthday bonanza. Nearly all celebrations in my family turn into full-fledged bonanzas, I am not sure how we do it, but we always seem to manage. God love us. Anyway, I headed out on Friday. I had my birthday gift for Mason, my mother’s birthday gift card for Mason, and my sister’s lovingly written check for Mason, as well as my nieces handcrafted birthday cards! I was ready. Now the 10th birthday is a big birthday. You are entering in to double digit years, something you will never do again. And I have now been warned that entering into triple digits isn’t filled with nearly the pomp and circumstance, nope you get to be 100, and generally the few people that are still alive that know you, wheel themselves into you retire home, their iron lungs in tow, and try to watch you eat your birthday yogurt. You don’t get cake anymore, you cant digest it, nor can you chew it… didn’t know cake needed that much chewing, but you are now relegated to the simple notion that the easier the food is to swallow the better. You don’t even open your gifts anymore, because people aren’t buying you gifts. Nope, you made to 100 and you have a funny looking paper crown strapped to your head, you are eating yogurt and everyone is trying to remind you it’s your birthday and convince you that you look great in your hospital bed and there is no need to get up on their account. But let’s get back to turn 10 shall we?
For those of you who don’t know, my brother, yes my twin brother, Mark, has been promoted to District Manager. This is HUGE!!! He is has become “Mr. Big Time”, “Mr. Important”, “Mr. Have Company Credit Card will Travel”. His company moved him out to Phoenix to take his new position a little over six weeks ago, and the rest of his family just recently joined him in the past couple of weeks. Mendy, “Mrs. Big Time”, spent the last week unpacking their stuff and setting up their brand new house. Mark and Mendy (yes, those are their real names and they have heard that joke before) bought a house outside of Phoenix. When I say “outside of Phoenix” I mean an hour outside of Phoenix. You actually have to drive thru and entire Indian reservation to get to their little city of Maricopa, which for the record has no sit down restaurants or Starbucks! They bought a brand new house, it is stucko (all homes out there are stucko) it has a tile roof, and no grass. Instead of grass they have rocks, and none of these rocks have moss on them. I checked. Anyway, they had visited the sub-division a few times before they closed. Coincidentally enough, the next time they went to the sub-division after they closed there was a pungent stench in the air. Yep, manure. They are down wind from a farm or a manure processing plant, they say it is a farm, but seriously you feel like you are trapped in a baby’s diaper, it is rank! So, this is what I am thinking, I am thinking that they wont let people come out to see the homes on days when “the winds a-blowin” because NO ONE would buy house then. So, they get you out there on a nice calm day and lure you in with terrific incentives and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Those sneaky little builders, but they closed and they say that it will be better in a couple years. A couple of years? I might try to sue my way out of that deal, but overall the house is wonderful, on the inside, and when you shut the windows and doors you cant smell the outside, so it is a great place!
Mason and Mitchell just started school the Monday before I came out to visit, therefore Mason’s tenth birthday party was going to be just family, so Aunt Martha was going to make sure she was there! I came in Friday evening and my flight was delayed, so I didn’t get to Phoenix until 9pm, didn’t get my bag until 9:30, maybe 9:45, come to think of it… it was more like 10:45. It took FOREVER. I think since everyone is checking their luggage it is now taking 20 times longer for them to get the luggage off the planes and on to the baggage merry-go-rounds. It was painful to stand there and wonder if my bag was ever going to make it, but it finally showed up, and we headed to the car. I got in the car and the kids were telling me about Phoenix and their new school. Mendy told me that Mitchell (my seven year old nephew) told him that he “loves his new school!”. She said he came home the first day and said “this is the greatest school! You can have pizza everyday if you want, they let you play on the playground three times a day, and there are four girls in my class that like me… and one ‘em is cute!” This kid was born to be in Phoenix. He went trick-or-treating this year in Phoenix, and he wrote in his paper at school that he dressed up as “somebody scary” and that next year he was going to dress up as “somebody VERY scary”. You gotta love that. Mitchell is a very pleasing child and my brother Mark has nicknamed him, Begonia. Many of you reading this have been dubbed something other than your given name by my brother Mark (personally he has given me about ten of them and trust me he isn’t done), and if you haven’t you just need to know that these nicknames are random, they do not shorten your name (as most nicknames do… Kimberly, Kim… Jennifer, Jenny… no with my brother it is Mitchell, Beef Begonia) they lengthen your name. They sometimes come with a song that will be sung for you at random times, and generally Mark is the only one that knows where the nickname comes from. This is something that we all find endearing in the Newton clan, we like the nicknames and the songs, but I have to tell you, I have had a boyfriend or two that at first didn’t like the nickname they were given, but ultimately they warmed up to it and loved it!!! Stick with me, and you could get one too ;)
Anyway, we went out to eat the first evening to a Greek restaurant, the kids were NOT happy. Mason didn’t eat anything, this kid hadn’t eaten since lunch and it is closing in on 10pm. He was not eating, and you couldn’t talk him into it. He had decided to be Ghandi. He was not eating Greek food, he would not eat it here or there, he would not put it in his hair, he did not like hummus and lamb, he did not want them Sam I am. He went the entire meal watching us eat. He just kept saying, “I waaaaaaaaaant to gooooooooooo”. That kid is stubborn. Mitchell tried to follow his brother’s lead. At first he had his head on the table and was saying he wasn’t eating either, but finally the pita bread got him. He took a bite, and he liked it!!! He said it tasted “like a tortilla with butter, cinnamon, sugar, and bacon on it”. Interesting, that’s all I have to say about that. Anyway, we finally leave the restaurant with three to-go boxes full of food and head home. Mendy makes Mason three sandwiches, and he eats them all… he was staaaaaaaaaaaaaarving. Now, you have to examine that situation, he was more stubborn than starving, that says a lot for that kids strength of will. You aren’t talkin’ him into anything.
The next day we went to the Arizona State Fair. This isn’t the Texas State Fair, but it was good enough. We had a lot of fun, but we left early enough so that Mason could open his birthday gifts. Now that will put any soon-to-be ten year old in a great mood, and Mason was no exception. This kid was excited. We put all of the gifts in the middle of the floor in the living room and he starts tearing into them. He opens mine first, iPod Nano! It’s a crowd pleaser… and I ask him if he wants to me to load it up with songs from my laptop… he says “uh, yeah”. He tears open the next gift, Nana got him “Guitar Hero” for the PS2. You gotta love that Nana, she knows the way to that kid’s heart. He was pumped. Could the gifts get any better? Then his parents look at him and say “Mason, we took you to the fair today, you got the watch you wanted from us, and we also bought you tickets the Suns vs the Mavs on Thursday!” This was the best birthday ever!!! Mason was thrilled. The tickets were the crowning glory, they were by far the best gift he got! He couldn’t believe he was going to see the Mavs play in Phoenix. Ten is going to be a great year for this kid, it is starting off with electronic equipment, new video games, money and gifts cards, and the Mavs game, what will eleven bring?
The next morning we finally get the PS2 unboxed and setup upstairs so that we could all play “Guitar Hero” and when I say “we could all play” I mean, Mason. This kid didn’t want anyone to have a turn. Apparently when you’re 10 your gifts are for your use only. This kid walked around with his ear phones in his ears and his iPod in his pocket. I don’t know if he has taken the earphones out of his ears yet. But we watched him play the video game and even muscled in a few turns for me and Mitchell (hey, I’m a Toys-R-Us kid too!) and then it was time to go have lunch and head back to the airport. The fun was over! The weekend was finished. We went to eat Mexican food for lunch (Mason picked, and he ate, this was exciting to see!). The thing that they have out in Arizona, is this spicy bean dip! This stuff is great, and it is free!!! They give you salsa and this spicy bean dip for free with your chips, I love this stuff. It has beans (duh…) and cheese and chilies all pureed into this dip. Man, it was tasty. So, if you head out to the desert, I highly recommend that. Although be forewarned, that they do not have Tex-Mex out there and the Mexican food you think you are ordering, may not be what you find sitting in front of you… just a tip, from your friendly traveler!
Well, that is it for this time! Hope you are all doing well!!
Peace, love, Beef Begonias!!!
Martha
Update... Oct 16, 2006
I know it is amazing that I can get another one of these out in such a short amount of time! It feels like just yesterday that I sent one of these out… ok, ok, enough patting myself on the back… let’s jump right in!!
Ok, so I am at that inauspicious place in my life where I am trying to buy a new car. This is never a good place to be if you are not a go-zillionaire. If you find yourself with unlimited means, then buying a new car is never a stressful thing. You merely go online, pick out the Mercedes/BMW/Lamborghini/Bentley tell them what color you would like, and the options and have some guy deliver it to your house. That is it! Now, if you aren’t Bill Gates, you are like the rest of us… who are completely tortured with weighing your budget against what you REALLY want. And that is where I am folks, caught at the corner of not-wanting-to-go-broke and luxury-costs-too-much.
I have been looking at used cars. Why? You might be wondering, because I have bought a new car once before. The car I have now I bought brand new. It was a great experience. I loved it! It was the first car I have ever owned that had air-conditioning and a radio at the same time! This was my definition of luxury at the time. It had leather seats, that smelled yummy. It had cruise control. It had lights that worked and were did not need to be manually operated (I had one car that needed that). It seat heaters, which are now a MUST for any car that I own. It had a sunroof. I am truly surprised it didn’t come with a chauffeur, that is what I really need. Anyway, so now that I am replacing it, I am trying to be economical rather than emotional. I love cars, and it is hard for me to shop for cars, because when I look at a car, I don’t see transportation, I see art. It is truly an experience for me and a love that my father passed on to me. Unfortunately, I like expensive art. I don’t consider a Camry to be a fine piece of art. A Ford Festiva is more a planter to me. However, a Bentley Continental GT Coupe, now that is what I call ART! I think I would look so happen’ behind the steering wheel of this car, and would find myself at one with the vehicle. If I died, I would get a plot big enough to bury the car with me in the driver’s seat. I would go crashing through those pearly gates at around 250mph!!! St. Peter would have to catch me!
Now, we have all heard the stories of people getting GREAT deals on a car. I am not sure if these are urban legends or not, but I am a dreamer and, Lord love me, I want to believe these stories are true. You have all heard these stories… it doesn’t matter who you are you have heard at least one of them. And the story of a great car deal always involves three parties (obviously) the purchaser, the seller, and the most amazing car you can think of. The “purchaser” is always somebody that somebody knows, or is somebody that your Mother read about in the newspaper. I must admit I have never been able to break into this illustrious group, although I would love to become their newest memeber. These people have found the needle in the haystack, they actually had the needle jump out of the haystack and land in their pocket!!! Who are these people? Anyway, then there is the “seller”. I am sure you are asking yourself right about now, “what type of person is the seller?” Well, sit tight and let me tell you. The seller almost always falls into one of two categories. The first category is the little old lady. Yep, how cliché is that? It is always the little old lady who has the Porsche laying around in her garage that she doesn’t need anymore, or she has the 1967 Mercedes Gullwing in the shed, she thinks should go to a good home. A) where did Grandma these cars from? B) Why doesn’t she have any of her children trying to take these cars from her? The other type of seller, is the recently-separated-oh-so-bitter-gonna-really-screw-that-bastard-over jilted wife. Now, these women are hard to find but can you get a good car deal from them. They are selling brand new Astin Marten’s for under 50 bucks!!! These women don’t care about the car or the money, they just want that man to lose his toys… “he traded me in for a new toy, guess he wont miss this one!” They are ruthless, god bless them… everyone.
So, now that I think about all of this these are the steps that could be taken in order to put yourself in the path of one of these great deals. At this point it is just a theory, so don’t blame me if you try this and it doesn’t work, but if it does… call me!!! In order to meet an elderly woman needing to rid herself of a pesky, ultra-nice sports coupe, you could volunteer at an “assisted living” community. Not a retirement home, they are too far gone at that point and someone could come after you citing “lack of capacity” and take the car that you swindled fair and square. So, go assisted-living. Be on the “welcome committee”. This way you get a roster of all patrons that are going to be checking in. Then you could look around and see if they are having a garage sale or anything like that before coming in, you may want to just swing by their house and see if a brand new BMW is sitting on the front lawn with a big “FOR SALE” sign in it. If it has the word “CHEAP”, on the sign even better!!!! At this point you need to have some cash on you, try to make this a “cash and carry” transaction, no paper trail for you! Her loving son comes by and says “Mom, what happened to the Ferrari?” and she can say “Some wonderful young man came by and offered me 300 dollars cash to take it! So I took the money and handed him the keys and the title.” No paper trail! She will be happy with the 300 dollars and you will be happy with your needle from the haystack, her son however will be hunting you down, so you may want to park the Ferrari and only drive it around at night for a while, just a suggestion.
There is another option if you don’t want to take advantage of the elderly. You don’t have to take advantage of the elderly, you can take advantage of the soon-to-be-divorcee. Shouldn’t something good come from divorce? Shouldn’t someone be made happy? Why shouldn’t that someone be you? So, what you might want to do is start scouring the court records for newly applied for divorces. You want to come swooping in when they are really mad, and have had no time to start forgiving (this is what I have heard folks, I don’t make the news I simply report it). I believe they also give you the zip code of where they reside, this is great! You can look up all the really good zip codes! Don’t go down to a seedy part of town, heck why bother? You need to go to where the other half lives… wander over the tracks, to where the grass is greener. If you happen to find yourself in front of a multi-million dollar home with an NSX parked out front with a “FOR SALE” sign on it… Jackpot!!! Again, have the cash on you… you need to make sure she doesn’t change her mind later and try to contact you. Guilt is a powerful and ugly thing. If she wielded it correctly and effectively you could end up giving back what you rightfully bought! Don’t let this happen to you.
Well, wish me luck!!!
Peace, love, and low car payments,
Martha
Ok, so I am at that inauspicious place in my life where I am trying to buy a new car. This is never a good place to be if you are not a go-zillionaire. If you find yourself with unlimited means, then buying a new car is never a stressful thing. You merely go online, pick out the Mercedes/BMW/Lamborghini/Bentley tell them what color you would like, and the options and have some guy deliver it to your house. That is it! Now, if you aren’t Bill Gates, you are like the rest of us… who are completely tortured with weighing your budget against what you REALLY want. And that is where I am folks, caught at the corner of not-wanting-to-go-broke and luxury-costs-too-much.
I have been looking at used cars. Why? You might be wondering, because I have bought a new car once before. The car I have now I bought brand new. It was a great experience. I loved it! It was the first car I have ever owned that had air-conditioning and a radio at the same time! This was my definition of luxury at the time. It had leather seats, that smelled yummy. It had cruise control. It had lights that worked and were did not need to be manually operated (I had one car that needed that). It seat heaters, which are now a MUST for any car that I own. It had a sunroof. I am truly surprised it didn’t come with a chauffeur, that is what I really need. Anyway, so now that I am replacing it, I am trying to be economical rather than emotional. I love cars, and it is hard for me to shop for cars, because when I look at a car, I don’t see transportation, I see art. It is truly an experience for me and a love that my father passed on to me. Unfortunately, I like expensive art. I don’t consider a Camry to be a fine piece of art. A Ford Festiva is more a planter to me. However, a Bentley Continental GT Coupe, now that is what I call ART! I think I would look so happen’ behind the steering wheel of this car, and would find myself at one with the vehicle. If I died, I would get a plot big enough to bury the car with me in the driver’s seat. I would go crashing through those pearly gates at around 250mph!!! St. Peter would have to catch me!
Now, we have all heard the stories of people getting GREAT deals on a car. I am not sure if these are urban legends or not, but I am a dreamer and, Lord love me, I want to believe these stories are true. You have all heard these stories… it doesn’t matter who you are you have heard at least one of them. And the story of a great car deal always involves three parties (obviously) the purchaser, the seller, and the most amazing car you can think of. The “purchaser” is always somebody that somebody knows, or is somebody that your Mother read about in the newspaper. I must admit I have never been able to break into this illustrious group, although I would love to become their newest memeber. These people have found the needle in the haystack, they actually had the needle jump out of the haystack and land in their pocket!!! Who are these people? Anyway, then there is the “seller”. I am sure you are asking yourself right about now, “what type of person is the seller?” Well, sit tight and let me tell you. The seller almost always falls into one of two categories. The first category is the little old lady. Yep, how cliché is that? It is always the little old lady who has the Porsche laying around in her garage that she doesn’t need anymore, or she has the 1967 Mercedes Gullwing in the shed, she thinks should go to a good home. A) where did Grandma these cars from? B) Why doesn’t she have any of her children trying to take these cars from her? The other type of seller, is the recently-separated-oh-so-bitter-gonna-really-screw-that-bastard-over jilted wife. Now, these women are hard to find but can you get a good car deal from them. They are selling brand new Astin Marten’s for under 50 bucks!!! These women don’t care about the car or the money, they just want that man to lose his toys… “he traded me in for a new toy, guess he wont miss this one!” They are ruthless, god bless them… everyone.
So, now that I think about all of this these are the steps that could be taken in order to put yourself in the path of one of these great deals. At this point it is just a theory, so don’t blame me if you try this and it doesn’t work, but if it does… call me!!! In order to meet an elderly woman needing to rid herself of a pesky, ultra-nice sports coupe, you could volunteer at an “assisted living” community. Not a retirement home, they are too far gone at that point and someone could come after you citing “lack of capacity” and take the car that you swindled fair and square. So, go assisted-living. Be on the “welcome committee”. This way you get a roster of all patrons that are going to be checking in. Then you could look around and see if they are having a garage sale or anything like that before coming in, you may want to just swing by their house and see if a brand new BMW is sitting on the front lawn with a big “FOR SALE” sign in it. If it has the word “CHEAP”, on the sign even better!!!! At this point you need to have some cash on you, try to make this a “cash and carry” transaction, no paper trail for you! Her loving son comes by and says “Mom, what happened to the Ferrari?” and she can say “Some wonderful young man came by and offered me 300 dollars cash to take it! So I took the money and handed him the keys and the title.” No paper trail! She will be happy with the 300 dollars and you will be happy with your needle from the haystack, her son however will be hunting you down, so you may want to park the Ferrari and only drive it around at night for a while, just a suggestion.
There is another option if you don’t want to take advantage of the elderly. You don’t have to take advantage of the elderly, you can take advantage of the soon-to-be-divorcee. Shouldn’t something good come from divorce? Shouldn’t someone be made happy? Why shouldn’t that someone be you? So, what you might want to do is start scouring the court records for newly applied for divorces. You want to come swooping in when they are really mad, and have had no time to start forgiving (this is what I have heard folks, I don’t make the news I simply report it). I believe they also give you the zip code of where they reside, this is great! You can look up all the really good zip codes! Don’t go down to a seedy part of town, heck why bother? You need to go to where the other half lives… wander over the tracks, to where the grass is greener. If you happen to find yourself in front of a multi-million dollar home with an NSX parked out front with a “FOR SALE” sign on it… Jackpot!!! Again, have the cash on you… you need to make sure she doesn’t change her mind later and try to contact you. Guilt is a powerful and ugly thing. If she wielded it correctly and effectively you could end up giving back what you rightfully bought! Don’t let this happen to you.
Well, wish me luck!!!
Peace, love, and low car payments,
Martha
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