Update... Dec 19, 2006

Good morning and a very Merry Christmas to one and all. This may be my last update for the year, so let’s shut this year down with a laugh or two! Bring on the update!

This holiday season has been busy, busy I tell you. This past weekend really embodies how extraordinarily busy things have gotten. So, I get up Saturday morning at 6:45am. It is amazing how still and quiet the world is on Saturday mornings at that hour. I have these really loud and rambunctious kids that live next door to me, and they are always outside running around and making noise, leaving their bikes laying around (in my yard no less) and even doing some harmless vandalism every now and again. So this morning, away to my window I flew like a flash twisted the blinds open and stepped over some trash and what to my wondering eye did appear, a still fallen morning so silent and clear. No children. No runners. No mailmen were there. Just me and thoughts, and my bed ridden hair.

I immediately started to contemplate all that I had to do. Let’s see, I was co-hosting a Christmas party at Bella’s that evening, and then I was hosting the “1st Annual Newton Christmas Brunch” the following morning. I needed to get started on the occupation of the day. So, I surveyed all that I had to do.

There are two things in this world that I battle in just trying to keep my house clean. Those two things are mail and laundry. It is really strange, both of them seem to have reproductive capabilities. I can create a nice pile of laundry, it will be small and easily fit into the corner, before I know it is a huge mass of clothes, that has taken over the corner, and is now encroaching on the rest of the room. It is like The Blob. It is going to just ooze out over something and consume it. Then there is mail. It is AMAZING how much mail I get, and the worst part of it is that it is never from anyone I know personally. All of the mail that I get is from bill collectors, people wanting to become bill collectors (people selling maid service, carpet cleaning services, lawn maintenance services, mortgage refinance services, terminator services… are you seeing the service theme?), I get coupons for things I would never buy, I get magazines I will never read, I get course catalogues from colleges I will never attend, and of course I get well over a million credit card applications I will never fill out. In other words, my mailbox is more like a stop over for this stuff before it hits the trash. The little door on my mailbox has “MAIL” embossed on it, I should get a new little door that has “TRASH” embossed on it, because after all there is more trash going in there, there actual mail. But just like the laundry, the mail has to go into a pile before it is sorted through and goes in the garbage. And this pile resides on my dining room table, the formal dining room table. I put the mail in a nice pile in the middle of the table, and that pile begins to reproduce, it begins to take over the space on the top of this table, and before you know it this table that could easily accommodate the feeding of 6 people, can no longer be seen under the mass of paper work. The odd thing about it is that the mail never disturbs the center piece that is sitting in the middle of the table. It merely surrounds it, so this center piece looks like an island floating in a sea of mail.

Anyway, I have over the past 3 weeks waged war on my laundry and mail. Just like the war on terrorism, this is a war that is never going to end. It will never be over, and I know this, I am planning on being 90 years old and telling my nursing home attendant to please get my laundry done, because I am at still at war! I am winning this war, and my little home is clean. The mail no longer stops over on the dining room table, nope it has an express ticket to the trash. The laundry actually accumulates in a basket, and gets done at the end of the weekend on Sunday morning, but this weekend I am having brunch on Sunday, so it is Saturday morning and I am doing laundry. I have a 9am hair appointment with Eugene, who happens to be the greatest hair stylist I have ever been to, so I have to get my laundry done early. I speed through my laundry there is only a load to do, because I have been waging war. While that load is in the washing machine, I do my ironing, only a few pieces… that war is really paying off. I finish up my ironing, and head down to Eugene’s. I have been habitually late getting to my hair appointments in the last few months, but this morning I am not only on time, but I have enough time to swing through Starbucks and get myself a coffee and a reduced fat cinnamon swirl coffee cake. You have to save calories where you can, so yes… I got the reduced fat coffee cake, probably didn’t make that big a difference, but it is better than nothing. So, I get my hair done… two hours after sitting in the chair, I look like me again! Maybe even better! I get home around 11:20 or so, and have enough time to drink some water, change clothes and head to the gym for a 24Tease class.

This is a class designed to teach you how to do like a strip tease kind of dance and workout at the same time. It was a little awkward, and even a little stupid at times, but I didn’t feel like a got a good workout in, so I headed home afterward and did 3 miles around my neighborhood, now I was tired. I had a snack, tuna… needed protein, and began to make my apple bread for my brunch the next morning. I check the clock on the microwave… 2:15pm. I make the bread, put it in the oven and head to Cingular b/c my cell phone is no longer working. I walk in and the 20 year old behind the counter, resets my phone and I am heading back home. It is now nearly 3pm, and the bread is going to be done in 30 mins. I get home, change again into something a little more comfy and now I am on outfit number 3 for the day and it is only 3:15. Ding! The bread is out of the oven… I am telling you the house smelled amazing. The bread was looking good, and I was feeling pretty positive about having brunch the next day. I look at my watch, 3:45… I let the bread cool and headed to Wal-Mart to pick up mini-quiches for my brunch (my mother’s suggestion). I swiftly got to Wal-Mart, looked at some digital cameras for my nephew for his Christmas present, and then went to check out. Wal-Mart at this time of year is a zoo… complete with monkeys. The monkeys were everywhere… especially in the checkout line. I went to self-checkout thinking… this will be quicker. Nope. One of the monkeys had gotten the idea of going to the self-checkout with 400 dollars with a groceries in the cart. Who does that? Self checkout is mainly for the people who have one or two items and want to get out of there. I really don’t believe it was designed for those feeling like they need a challenge in their life, and checking their groceries and bagging them is really what they had in mind when developing these little kiosks. This monkey was taking forever, and then to add insult to injury the monkey needed a price check!!! The monkey called over the ape that was supervising self check out and the two of them looked like there were staring at a math problem. The scene was ridiculous. I finally leave the zoo and head home. 5:15.

The Christmas party was scheduled to start at 8:30pm. And me being the procrastinator that I am, still hadn’t bought the food for the party I was hosting in three hours, at Bella’s home which is 45 minutes away. But never fear… I have been up since 6:45am and have been working at life all day…even managing to get in a workout!!! I am Wonder Woman at this point, and me that golden rope that no dastardly villain can escape! I go ahead and get ready for the party. Black pants, black and white shiny shiny shirt, black heals and jewelry. Yep, outfit number 4. I jump into the bat-mobile, ok… it was my car, but I did just pay to get the front headlight replaced, for a mere 265 dollars, damn xenon headlights. I speed down the tollway, on my way to get food for the party. I screech into the Central Market parking lot, and take the place by storm, I even found a watermelon that was needed… and it was December! There was no stopping me. I get to Bella’s house and begin arranging the food. By 8:30pm, the food was on the table, looking as if it had jumped out of the Martha Stewart Living magazine, and I was lounging comfortably on the couch, watermelon martini in hand. I am the walrus!

The party was a huge success, there was food, there was wine, there were people, and there was laughter. A good time was had by all. I left Bella’s and headed home, and landed into bed at 1:30am. I had missed my bed, and I really think that my bed missed me. It had been 19 hours since we had last seen each other, and it was time to get reacquainted. The reunion was joyous… but short! Yep, the alarm buzzed off at 7:30am on Sunday and it was time for brunch. Or at least time to make it.

It was the mad dash, my mother made it over at 9:30am, donuts in hand, God bless that woman. She and I whipped together an entire feast in a little over two hours. By the time everyone arrived… the food hit the table. We had the mini quiches, that I had painfully acquired at Wal-Mart (this is why I go to Target), we had a garlic-cheese grits casserole, sausage balls, hot crab muffins, pecan tussies, the apple bread w/cinnamon butter, mimosas, peach champagne, and even a bloody mary bar… get me one of those! I needed a drink, and my brother-in-law came to the rescue. The bloody mary was delicious and man did I need it. We all loved the brunch, and we are looking forward to next year… I think my mom is hoping I am a bit more organized. I thought it was strange that during the actual meal she had an oxygen tank near by that she would breathe out of occasionally. Maybe that was my imagination… not sure.

Greg and Chris stayed behind in order for me to do some work for them on my laptop. By 7:30pm… yes, it was dark outside, they left. I went to the gym, to get my workout in, and was back home and out of the shower by 10pm. I walked into my bedroom and it was like my bed grew arms, for when I looked at it, it seemed to hold these arms out as if to say “Come here, it will all be ok. You need a rest”. And I did. I think I was asleep at 10:01pm.


Well, I sped through Monday at work, and went to the symphony last night with my mother. This is yearly tradition, we have been doing it 9 years running. We went to Pappas Bros. Steakhouse for dinner. We sit down and I am asking the waitress about the wine list, and she asks me… “Do you know who I am?” and I say “No.” and she replies, “Are you sure?” (I am getting somewhere with this, I promise) and I say “Yes.” At this point I am a little annoyed, I just want my wine and my steak. She finally asks “What is your name?” and I say “Martha”. She said “I am Christie Guy from high school!” She seemed elated to figure out our extremely weak connection. Christie was a cheerleader in high school and too good to be friends with the likes of me. She was the type that stuck her nose in the air and simply passed the rest of us by, as if to say, “You’re not worthy of knowing me”. But now here we are, fourteen years later. She is married with three kids. She is about 40 pounds (rough estimate) over weight. And is WAITING on me. I like my justice served piping hot! And you know what… I got a huge plate of it last night, served up well, even enough for my mom to share it with me! Outside of that, we had a great time. The dinner was spectacular, the service was… well, it was just good to be waited on, and the symphony was I think one of the best we have seen. I got to bed around 10:30pm.

My bed has really been missing me the past few days, I don’t think I have really been investing enough in that relationship, but I am hoping to rectify that in short order. I hope that this holiday season has brought you a smile or two. Until next time…

Peace, love, and time for yourself!
Martha