Update... Feb 2, 2006

Good morning friends and family!

Well, it has definitely been far too long since I have reached out and touched someone… although HR has yet to catch me! Anyway, I thought I would send out an update. Here we go!

So, we all know that I have been sucked into the black hole called “Reality TV”. Yes, I am afraid it has even happened to me, I have three degrees, a responsible job, and I watch reality tv… ugh! First it was “The Bachelor” and now I have added “American Idol” to my list of shows that I shouldn’t be watching but am slightly addicted to. I don’t know what it is about these shows, but I plan my evenings around them. I actually will push off other things! At least “The Bachelor” is only once a week, but “American Idol” that is a true commitment… it is on several times a week, and that takes up a lot of time people. Say, it with me… “I NEED TIVO”. I think TiVo could be the answer to my little prayers and my time crunch problems. Not only is hard to be single… it is harder to be single and keep up with Reality TV. I have my priorities so the men will just have to wait.


I must say that I did not come to these shows solely on my own… no sir. I had help! I actually pushed off a social dinner with two friends, Karen and Debbie for the sake of “The Bachelor”. He needed me!! The reply to weak, but firm excuse, from Karen was “That’s ok, b/c I will be watching ‘American Idol’ the next night”. This was the hook for me. If Karen likes ‘American Idol’ and she seems like a stable, well-rounded person… maybe it isn’t so bad. Maybe it is a good show. Maybe I should watch. Maybe I should have 3 nights a weeks sucked into watching a British guy bash the untalented and unwanted. Maybe I could get fashion tips from Paula Abdul and finally learn who that other guy is. You know, what’s his name. I swear, everyone can tell you about Paula and Simon… but no one knows that other guys name. I have seen 3 episodes now… and still don’t his name. But I must say it is a good show. The people who try out, what are they thinking? Most of these people cant sing their way out of church, let alone be an ‘American Idol’. They are just bad, and they put themselves in front of Simon who is just itching to tell you how bad you are. I think this guy is great, a little mean but great. I think you need to tell people… “you stink, go work at the Gap and stop having delusions about being rich and famous, you can fold t-shirts… go in peace and fold those shirts” People should know their limits… what they can do and what they cant. You would think they would hear themselves in the shower, and think, “you know, that doesn’t really sound that good, and isn’t that weird that the mirror just cracked?” But no, they think they can sing. One drunken night at a karyoke bar does not make you the next pop star sensation! My favorite was last week, this poor guy thought he could sing because he was related to someone who had been on a previous season of ‘American Idol’. How does that work? My mother can sew, she can mend things, make dresses from scratch, heck the woman can probably make the water and then walk on it, but I have to cart my clothes over to her house for her to so on my buttons that fall off. I am related to her, but couldn’t begin to tell you how she does what she does. Just because you are related to someone doesn’t mean you can do what they do. Just because your brother is a surgeon doesn’t mean you can walk into an OR and start cutting people open. You need talent and training of YOUR OWN! This guy was bad, so bad. It was painful to listen to, and even painful to watch as his face contorted while he strained to make these noises come out of him. So if you have some real time on your hands or TiVo please tune in… you may just hear the next great star!

“The Bachelor” is a whole other story. And I am sorry to say, that I have sucked people into this. I have sucked in Chris, my brother’s fiancé, I have sucked in Bella (who I love to talk to about it, she is so funny), and I have sucked in Nicole and her boyfriend Hernan!!!! That is a major accomplishment, that shows you the power of this show. There is a boy watching it. We all scream at the screen during a scary movie, “Don’t go in there!”… “Get out of the bathtub he is in the house!”…”Why are you in a dark and scary forest on Friday the 13th, with nothing but flashlight with low batteries… where is your gun?!?!”… you know that kind of stuff. This show is like that. You talk to the TV you are invested. The words come flying out of your mouth, like it is interactive TV. “No, no, no, no, no! Please stop talking… stop telling him how you want to have babies”. The commercials come and the words fly. “I cannot believe what a b!tch she is!” “What a HO!” I haven’t used the word “ho” since… I don’t know like, totally, like the late like ‘80s, but in this case it totally fits. I am so involved, so invested, so completely wrapped up in it, that it sucks that it is only on once a week. I pray that they change the format so that it will be like American idol, it will show more than once a week, and we can call in and vote some of these total bimbos off the show. I don’t think men are good at picking women, they don’t have good instincts when it comes to picking a good woman. They shop for women like you would a horse… does it look fit? How are the hind quarters? Good teeth… check the teeth? Do you think she can go the distance? Now, women can spot another good woman. Is she honest, sincere, nice looking, keeps herself up, a good conversationalist, has a good family, is down to earth, and isn’t a complete bitch. We are a bit more thorough… so why shouldn’t we get a vote when it comes to the bachelor…. I say make it interactive, make it so that I have some real skin in the game… I wouldn’t mind paying 75 cents to have my voice heard, and heard LOUD and CLEAR!

Well, that is all I have from my end for now… I know, I know… I need a date for juicier updates… if you know of any “bachelors” let me know!!!! Although I am not free during my reality tv!

Peace, love, and remote controls to myself!
Martha