Update... Feb 14, 2007

Yes… It is Valentine’s Day again. Ugh-gain!!! This thing keeps making its way into my calendar year after year. How is that? So I submit…

Well, Happy Wednesday everyone! I am sorry, I should say, Happy “the ides of February” Eve. Both of those designations seem to be as inconsequential as Valentine’s Day so let’s celebrate those.

Many of you know how I feel about Valentine’s Day. I think it is truly amazing that this day is actually something that is celebrated by everyone who has been fortunate enough to not live in a third world country. You see, in a third world country you are trying not to get eaten by a lion, hyena, or your next tent-opening neighbor (was gonna say “next door”, but who are we kidding). But here we are in the United States, and we celebrate St. Valentine’s Day. Saint… Valentine. Now, does anyone know what religion designated this martyr as a “saint”… anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Yep, it was the Catholics folks, but everyone is participating… Catholics, Protestants, even Democrats! They are all in full swing trying to get through Valentine’s Day with their relationships in tact.

Now, let’s look at this folks. This guy dies. He was a martyr so I am assuming that his death was NOT a pleasant experience and he didn’t go quietly in his sleep. He performs… well at least three miracles… is beatified and BOOM finally canonized as a saint. Poor guy exited this world in a painful manner and has been spending his after life trying to get to the end of that little rainbow to be a saint, and working hard to do so. It’s finally over, he is there… a saint, WOOHOO, he made it!!! He’s in the club! Now, he can hang out with all the other saints in heaven… I am assuming there is some sort of space designated just for them to sit around and talk. Like an Elks Lodge, Officers Club, or something to that effect… “Saints Only” sign hanging on the door. So imagine, he is there key to the Saints Washroom in his hand, and several of the other saint are talking about people praying to them and what they are saying. “Hey Jude, guess it has been another day of lost causes, eh?” and you might hear “Hey Christopher, you still hearing about the snow and people’s travel plans?” but I would imagine good old Saint Valentine is pretty much kicked back most of the year. His prayer list is probably pretty short… Which brings me to, if you want to pray to someone… he may have some extra time on his hands, this could be the short line at the grocery store you never see… just a tip. But then Valentine’s Day rolls around… and what happens, he has all kinds of men probably praying that they survive the day with their wallets in tact, on the other hand he has women praying to him that they survive the day with their dignity and sanity in tact (this is regardless of whether or not they are seeing anyone). Yeah, this guy is only getting complaints. All of the other saints have feast days… ALL OF THEM, but only this guy got saddled with the Scarlet Letter… or should we say, the Scarlet Day! You don’t see people celebrating St. Rita’s Day or St. Michael’s Day. No, those days are buried in the Catholic calendar… and no one knows about them. But St. V… he jumped into the mainstream and has been hearing about it ever since. Poor guy.

I think we should do something about this! I think we should right the wrong! I think we should take a vote! Who wants to vote “Valentine’s Day” off the island? Let’s get this thing back to being exclusively on Catholic calendar, let’s put this where it belongs… securely and concretely in obscurity. There are some BIG TIME benefits to this. So, let’s consider a few benefits of getting rid of it. And then we shall see if there is any downside to getting rid of it.

I would like to start our “Pro” List with the obvious. Money. Yep, money. Valentine’s Day used to be going to the grocery store and getting those “valentines” that were little index cards that were white, pink and red that you put each one of the kids names in your class on, and stuffed it into the extremely cheap envelope that came with it, and handed them out. That was it. Now, there might have been the kid in the class whose parents wanted to show everyone that they had more money and would give a sucker with the cards, but that was an extreme case. Nowadays, V-Day is Donald Trump expensive. You have “weekend getaways”… what are you getting away from, Christmas and New Year’s just passed, you should be getting back to work, not getting away. These little getaways range from going to San Antonio all the way to going to Paris… “the city of love” and most likely one of the biggest voting blocks in favor of keeping V-Day… because they get the money!!! Money is being spent on flowers, dinners, presents, diamonds, spa services, single engine aircraft… you name it this is a capitalist’s dream day! Another “pro” for booting this holiday off the calendar is the lack of relationship issues that ensue. There are massive fights about v-day, there are disappointments galore, and even if you are the happiest couple in the world you find yourself anxious and nervous about this day… did I get her what she wanted? Did I meet her expectations? Does he like the dinner I made? Did he like the Leatherman that I got him? The list is infinitely long. So let’s re-cap… if there is no v-day people get to retire 10 years earlier, your relationship has no more added pressure, and you do not have a hundred questions rambling around in your own brain. V-day brings out your insecurities… and they shouldn’t be brought out, that is why they are “insecurities” and not “out-securities”.

Now, the con-list for getting rid of this holiday… Let see you don’t get a day off work, so there is no con there. You don’t find yourself at on a random Wednesday night, not being able to get a table at every restaurant in Dallas. Hmmm… and if your sweetie sends you a bouquet of flowers… you have a chance (a pretty good chance) of being the only one with flowers that day! I cant really think of a “con” to have it off the calendar. I try and I try… but nope, nothing.

So, write your congressman, contact the Vatican, or send out an “Update…” do what you feel you need to but get the word out.

Peace, love, and Leathermans,
Martha


PS – there have been several people request last years “v-day” update it is attached if you would like to read it.