Update... Feb 14, 2006

Happy Valentine’s Day to one and all!!!

Well, this “update” is going to be more of an editorial than a true update. I am rummaging around in my purse trying to find my soap box… wallet… cell phone… lipstick… lipstick… lip gloss… nope, no soap box. I must have left it at home with my pulpit and the latest Dr. Phil book (I didn’t even know that guy could read let alone write, go figure!)

Anyway it is Valentine’s Day. A day that florists, perfume manufacturers, and restaurants look forward to all year!! Why do they look forward to this? Because men are going to have spend massive amounts of money on flowers that will die, perfume that will never be worn, and a dinner that will be consumed and forgotten. I found out in college that Rudolph… the red nosed reindeer… was actually concocted by the marketing department of Montgomery Wards. Yes, a retailer folks!!! Now if a retail giant can make up a reindeer, and force him into pop-culture, why does it not stand to reason that these same retailers came up with Valentine’s Day? I haven’t checked the annals of history but I am pretty certain the pilgrims weren’t sitting around freezing their puts off on the east coast trying to celebrate V-Day. No, they were trying not to die. They were hiding from Indians and trying to cure cholera, these people had bigger fish to fry. This is a made up holiday, but lets look at what this year has brought us shall we?

Now, you are probably thinking… “she’s bitter”. I am not bitter, far from it. I am content. I am a romantic, masquerading as a cynic, masquerading as a realist, but ultimately I am an observer. So here goes.

I have several friends who have significant others this year… actually come to think of it nearly ALL of my friends have a significant other this year. Many of them are doing dinner, and several of them are going on romantic getaway trips. Some are going to St. Lucia, others to Fredericksburg, and one is even going to a super duper secret location that I believe is going to be exotic Fort Worth. Now, here is the kicker. Some of these trips and plans were actually made by the men… some were not! This is where women really need to ease up. If you gently suggest to your man that you would like to go away for a romantic coupley weekend, and he doesn’t plan it; do NOT take it upon yourself to plan it. Initiative is rewarded at work not with men, put that to good use at your job… you could get a raise. If a man plans a trip then he is in. He is involved, and generally has at least the accommodations and logistics covered. He may not plan every minute of the weekend, and most likely come dinner time on Saturday evening, he will say “There has to be some place to eat around here, what do you feel like?” But if he doesn’t plan it and you do, then he isn’t in. He isn’t involved, and he most likely packing his game boy, pda, and trying to figure out if he can fit his Hi-Def TV into the car just in case this quaint little B&B that “she” picked out doesn’t have Hi-Def. He has also checked the television schedule to make sure that he can catch his favorite college basketball team that is playing a totally inconsequential game, and is planning on you going shopping or “something”/”anything” while he watches the game. So, let’s review… if he asks you to go to St.Lucia and has already booked and paid for everything, grab your bikini and go! If he hasn’t planned anything and hasn’t taken note of your not so subtle hints, make sure you have your girl scout cookies in the freezer and a good chick flick on hand it could be a lonely little holiday.

Now, there is the flowers issue. It is amazing that on February 13th a dozen roses cost 40 bucks… give or take. But 24 hours later they cost double that. The up side to this, is that these illustrious flowers that you have purchased have an added pink Styrofoam heart glued to a pixy stick, that says “I love you” in big red cursive letters. I guess that is where all the extra cost comes in. Those things must be really expensive to make, guess they haven’t been able to offshore the production of those, and drop the cost down to a half a cent. Don’t you love the global economy? Anyway, this office in short order is going to start being a florist. Now, this is something I have had to witness for years. And you know what, it does get a little old. In some cases the women who have gotten flowers will actually come by another woman’s desk to see if she got flowers (usually the party of the first part is married while the party of the second part is single). Now when she notices that all signs of botany of conspicuously absent from this poor forgotten girls desk, she starts the sympathy. Usually including statements like “There’s always next year” and “Oh its no big deal, don’t worry”. I am sure they think they are being nice and sweet, but it doesn’t help. So please, just pass my desk and don’t say anything. Now, I will say that I have gotten flowers in the last decade. It has happened. I remember the valentine’s day that I actually received flowers at work, was a few years back (not going to tell you how many) and they were pink carnations. I will say that again, Pink Carnations. Yes, there were like three of them in a pink bud vase… with some heather. And a card. The card was the saving grace. But I did get some interesting looks from the other women who were proudly displaying there roses on their desk, I have even seen a woman with like 3 dozen roses in one vase… I think the vase was custom made though, and she had to have help carrying to the car, and maybe even a visit to the chiropractor afterwards… that is really just speculation though.

Now the guys have their own bag of issues when it comes to flowers.. They have to deal with the question of what do. Do I send Roses, if so, how many and what color? Do I have them delivered or take them over to her myself? Is this coming on too strong, or not strong enough? If roses are too soon in the relationship are tulips a valid alternative or should I go with nothing at all? For all the men in the world, I say this… Don’t send carnations (please re-read prior paragraph!) you may even want to opt out of flowers and a few days before this holiday you could say the words that she loves to hear… “Honey, let’s go to the mall, get you something nice.” This will give her something to wear on the holiday! Something like a new necklace or a great outfit or new earrings. She can wear them to work on that day, and proudly display her new, loving bought for her, durable gift!!! The gift that keeps on giving, and is present and combating the flowers that are so cliché and surrounding her. Just a thought.

If you find yourself without a Valentine this year, never fear there are ways to combat the trauma of all of this. And rocking back and forth in a corner muttering “Why me?” isn’t it. Go get yourself a new outfit. Take yourself out to a nice dinner. Stay in and dominate the remote control, have an imaginary friend next to you and really take it away from them! You could go to a bar and find yourself a Valentine… try not to get a used Valentine, you know the guy who dropped his girlfriend off after dinner and headed to the bar… they are out there, learn how to spot them!

I could go on, but I am sure you need to plan a trip, pick some flowers, or start on that ice sculpture. Hope your holiday is a great one!

Peace, love, and pink carnations,
Martha