Update... June 18, 2007

It has been a while since I have sent out an “update”, but yes… I am still alive. I am like a bad penny, I just keep turning up.

So let’s see what is going on in the life of Martha, shall we?

Well, I have been taking a peek at the dating scene… it is just a peek though. And I have to tell you, if you are looking at it from an observation point it is really interesting. So, there I am perched high in my life guard seat surveying the dating pool. I have to tell you there are some crazy swimmers in the water. Let me give you three examples of some men that in this pool.

Man #1… This man is in his thirties and just trying to make his way through life, just like the rest of us salmon it is a straight swim upstream. Apparently he was a little exhausted and a little tired of trying to find “Mrs. Right”, so what did he do? Did he try match.com, eHarmony, or any of the million of internet dating services? Nope. Did he trying joining a church group, volleyball league, or knitting club? Nope. What did our hero decide to do? He decided that dating was too much for him, and that if you can order pizza, movie tickets, and even cars online… you should just order a wife! So, he became a patron of “RussianBrides.com” and they were happy to relieve him of his hard earned cash, and provide him with a bride that did in fact marry him, who does NOT speak English. This woman lives in his house, cooks his meals, cleans his toilet, and is still in the process of learning the language. I don’t know, nor did I ask about their sex life… but if she is providing the cooking and the cleaning, me thinks she is providing the other wifely duties. I guess the nice thing about being Russian is that she could be literally screaming some other man’s name in the throes of passion and her husband would have no clue.

Man #2… Is nearly thirty, he is twenty-nine so is he staring thirty in the face. This sterling example of male maturity has definitely taken up where Seinfeld’s George Costanza left off. Now, bear in mind that George Costanza was a fictional character that was brought to fruition with the sole purpose of entertaining… not teaching, “Seinfeld” was not an educational program and I think maybe we need to start putting disclaimers on fictional sit-coms… “Do Not Try This At Home” streaming along the bottom of the screen. Apparently, George and his “Summer of George” has spawned the idea that this young, for lack of better or more fitting term, man to go ahead and embark upon his “Summer of Hot”. He is surrounding himself with only “hot” women for the entire summer. Yes, be forewarned, this guy is out there! He is not dating you to date you… he is dating you because you are hot. But make no bones about it, he will not be dating you for long. Now, this guy has become a source of constant entertainment for his fellow co-workers. He has also disclosed that he “only has one more summer of hot” in him. Apparently a “summer of hot” takes a lot out of a person. Now, I do believe that the “summer of hot” can only be acted upon by a man. I don’t think a woman, especially one of my advanced years, could embrace a “summer of hot” with much efficacy. I think if I wanted to start a “summer of bald” or a “summer of beer guts” or even a “summer of divorced and over thirty-five” I think I could be successful in surrounding myself with one of the extremely narrow sects of the population. But why limit myself, when I could date any number of those and really mix it up! I am sure that these woman (bless their hearts) are hot, but from what has been related to me is that they aren’t the brightest of women. So this man, is purposefully exposing himself to mind-numbing conversation of plastic surgery, why waxing is better than shaving, and the latest scoop on MTV’s “The Real World” in order to have some eye candy. My guess is that his “Summer of Hot” may need to be followed by a “Fall of Reading”… otherwise he may not be able to communicate still with the rest of us.

Man #3… I save what I consider to be the weirdest for last. Apparently many people encounter this type of man, but I guess there is always time to re-hash this stereotype. He is the Dr Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde of the dating world. This man talks a good game, but then completely contradicts himself. Weird, right? This is the through observation but it is craziness nonetheless. He says “I don’t want to date someone who has a bunch of baggage and ex-boyfriends hanging around” I find that to be a fairly productive statement. Then down the road he divulges that he recently (within the past several weeks) has slept with an ex-girlfriend. What? I guess what is good for the goose isn’t good for the gander. What happened to no baggage? What happened to no ex’s hanging around? He also says how he doesn’t understand women and how they constantly split the check, and how guys don’t do that. Apparently guys don’t split the check, if two men go out… one of them pays and they other one gets the check the next time. I didn’t realize there was such a protocol between men. I guess this trait is passed along in the Y chromosome and that is why we, mere females, don’t do that. This is all according to this guy… Anyway, come to find out he doesn’t pay for women when they go out on dates! Nope, he splits the check. Now, I would love to see him go out with one of his buddies. It would be interesting if he split the check with a fellow male, or if he picked it up! Apparently this guy doesn’t take rejection well either, when told that his companionship was no longer required or wanted, he went from yelling angrily over the phone to trying to sweet talk his way back in the proverbial door. The conversation swung from “YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!” to “Baby, you know we have a connection” This guy could be suffering from multiple personalities syndrome. But be aware he is out there! He is in the dating pool!!!

So, many people have asked me “Why aren’t you married?” and I think that is a strange question that is always conceived to be rhetorical, but the inquirer usually pauses for an answer of some kind. I really think I need to formulate a better answer than “I work in a morgue and the men I run into are real dead beats”. But I will say this, I look at the dating pool and it not only seems shallow, but so do some of the fish in it. I may just go ahead and move to Russia and get on the “RussianBrides.com” I am sure I would be a big hit… under my profile I could put, “ALREADY KNOWS ENGLISH!!!” I could be snatched up in the first day!! There could be a bidding war! But for now… just gonna stay in my cube and observe.


Peace, love and your “summer of ________”!!!
Martha