Update... Sept 27, 2007

Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won’t you be… my neighbor? Hi neighbor!

I am sure you are all imagining Fred Rogers in his freshly donned grey sweater and lacing up his navy keds right about now. I know I am. I used to love Mr. Rogers, and that little train that took you to the castle and land where all those hand puppets lived… I need to get one of those installed in my house. Anyway, the great thing about that show was the clarity of it all, there was nothing to wonder about… nothing to guess. You watched the show and once it was over, it was over. You could put it behind you.

Now, there is something that I have left sort of “out there” if you will. I don’t leave a lot of loose ends in my life, no dangling participles for me… thank you very much. I generally live my life, and my updates, with completeness. I like it that way. So, I find myself needing to go ahead and circle back to the “update…” that was written on June 18th of this year. Aunt Martha had taken a look at the dating scene, and upon observation found some interesting people, men actually, in that scene.

All the world is a stage… and I guess everyone’s life is a three act play. Act I – your youth, this starts at birth and the termination of this act varies from person to person… but if it lasts too long having a kid of your own definitely ends this act. Act II – your adult life, this is the part of your life where you wonder where your childhood went, and you save for your old age… it is a transitional period where you know you started out in diapers and you are heading back to them. Act III – your old age, this is where you get to spend the money that you saved but you also need to be judicious about that spending simply b/c you never know when you are going to land in a retirement home eating food that should never be pureed, which is expensive on its own and I plan on having some extra cash to bribe the nursing staff with… you see those nurses have access to EVERYONE’S medications. And even though my doctor didn’t prescribe me any happy pills those nurses could “accidentally” put one in my translucent pill cup. Start thinking of your angles now while you have more of your faculties. So, what does all of this mean? It means that the “Dating Scene” generally occupies the first scene of Act II.

So here goes… I had actually learned about several men that were in the dating pool. One of these men had embarked upon a “Summer of Hot”. This is an excerpt from that update…

Man #2… Is nearly thirty, he is twenty-nine so is he staring thirty in the face. This sterling example of male maturity has definitely taken up where Seinfeld’s George Costanza left off. Now, bear in mind that George Costanza was a fictional character that was brought to fruition with the sole purpose of entertaining… not teaching, “Seinfeld” was not an educational program and I think maybe we need to start putting disclaimers on fictional sit-coms… “Do Not Try This At Home” streaming along the bottom of the screen. Apparently, George and his “Summer of George” has spawned the idea that this young, for lack of better or more fitting term, man to go ahead and embark upon his “Summer of Hot”. He is surrounding himself with only “hot” women for the entire summer. Yes, be forewarned, this guy is out there! He is not dating you to date you… he is dating you because you are hot. But make no bones about it, he will not be dating you for long. Now, this guy has become a source of constant entertainment for his fellow co-workers. He has also disclosed that he “only has one more summer of hot” in him. Apparently a “summer of hot” takes a lot out of a person. Now, I do believe that the “summer of hot” can only be acted upon by a man. I don’t think a woman, especially one of my advanced years, could embrace a “summer of hot” with much efficacy. I think if I wanted to start a “summer of bald” or a “summer of beer guts” or even a “summer of divorced and over thirty-five” I think I could be successful in surrounding myself with one of the extremely narrow sects of the population. But why limit myself, when I could date any number of those and really mix it up! I am sure that these woman (bless their hearts) are hot, but from what has been related to me is that they aren’t the brightest of women. So this man, is purposefully exposing himself to mind-numbing conversation of plastic surgery, why waxing is better than shaving, and the latest scoop on MTV’s “The Real World” in order to have some eye candy. My guess is that his “Summer of Hot” may need to be followed by a “Fall of Reading”… otherwise he may not be able to communicate still with the rest of us.

I checked my calendar recently and noticed… the summer is over!!! Which means the “summer of hot” has come to a close. I have always been a curious little creature, and as I thought about the summer being over… I started wondering how the “summer of hot” went. I wondered if this “summer of hot” was all it was cracked up to be. Was the journey into “hotness” something the cleansed the soul? Tainted the spirit? Dumbed down the brain? Or just drained the wallet? I had to know… I had to find out… I had to talk to the man that had walked the path. So I did. Here it is… the post mortem on the “summer of hot”.

Now remember the “summer of hot” means that you go where hot people go and do the things that hot people do, and immerse your life in this Paris Hilton lifestyle… “yeah, that’s hot”. This journey did not go as it was planned. The “summer of hot” turned into the “summer of sog” due to the torrential down pours that we had this summer. So the idea of hanging out at the lake with all these hot women running around… well, didn’t happen in the frequency that it should have. It did happen though. He did go to a water hole of some kind and see hot women take off their bikini tops and jump from a low bridge into the water. Now, these women did this for free. At least the dancers at the bars are getting paid! At least they are parlaying their exhibitions into a cash generating business… these girls… got nothing for their efforts. This is why “girls gone wild” has been so lucrative. The guy that films that… he is living the “summer of hot” and getting paid to do it!!! I am sure every man wishes he was him, don’t you love capitalism!!! I digress, anyway with all the rain there weren’t never ending supply of women in bikinis. So, what do you do when you cant go outside… you go to the bar!

This is rich… so this guy goes to the bar… and there he is sitting at a table, the table next to him has two women occupying it… and both are drinking. There is a salsa band playing (there should always be a salsa band in a ‘summer of hot’ story) and one of the girls is very “hot”. She has dark hair, olive colored skin and bright blue eyes (those could be colored contacts but who knows, more importantly who cares… this is the ‘summer of hot’ and you don’t scrutinize in that situation). Anyway, her wing man is there and she is not hot. This woman is reported to look a lot like Angelina Jolie. Btw, when men tell stories about a hot girl… that hot girl ALWAYS ends up looking like Angelina Jolie, even if in real life she looks like and IS Mary Lou Retton. The hot girl gets up to dance, and it is looking at our warrior of hot and is dancing to her salsa music. She keeps dance. She keeps staring. So what does our hero do, he decides it would be a very “summer of hot” thing to do to go over and start up a conversation with Mrs. Pitt the international hot woman of mystery. After about an hour she asks him to walk her to her car because she has to go… and he said that “as a gentleman he walked her to her car”. Does anyone else buy that? “As a gentleman”? I don’t think so… I would venture to say, as a “horn dog” this was his last chance for any sort of physical contact with this epitome of hotness. He said that he walked her and then BOOM! They started making out like high school kids at prom. After they came up for air and dried themselves off they exchanged phone numbers. He fully expected to be seeing her again, and making out again I am sure. Did she call, no. Did she text message, yes. The content… “I had a really good time, but I have a boyfriend and a son and I cannot do anything else with you”. Whoa! A boyfriend and a son… yeah, she has enough men in her life… move on!!! Side note: I think the whole text messaging people important information like that is pretty cowardly. You know… stand up and be counted!!! Do you think Angelina Jolie would text message Brad, “I just adopted another kid, hope you don’t mind... it's a green one! I have always wanted a green one!”. No way.

The “summer of hot” came to a close with an ironic twist. This man had been looking for hotness all summer, seeking it out in order to bathe in it, and on the very last day, in the very last hour, with the very last moments hanging in the air… he met someone he is dating. Is she an aspiring actress? No. Is she an underwear model? No. Is she a Hooters waitress? No. She is a teacher!!! The “summer of hot” may indeed be followed by a “fall of reading”… God, I love it when I am right!!!!

There you go people… you want a summer of hot… hit the PTA meetings and start trolling the staff!!!

That is all from my cube… hope your cube comes with a door!

Peace, love, and “end scene!”
Martha