This is something that I have never done before, I have never written more than one “update…” in a week. I didn’t think I had it in me, I didn’t think I was capable of such of feat, for the love of money I didn’t think I would ever find myself so inspired by my only little life that within the span of less than a week I could produce a recounting of two things… that may or may not be mildly interesting. But here we are, inspired again!! Inspired to put finger to keyboard, I could say pen to paper… but that has really never been the case, and I don’t want people who are just reading this to think it ever was the case… I try to be up front, honest, and gain people’s trust, I could be a politician… other than the simple fact that I am not a great liar and the idea of sex with someone that reports into me isn’t appealing, I could do that job.
Quick side bar: Does anyone use pen and paper anymore, can you imagine the day when it comes that the only people that have pens are bankers. We are gonna get there folks! Schools are starting to use computers in the classroom more and more, and I predict that sooner or later… you will go to the bank, sign a form establishing your identity, give them your finger print which they will record and every time you need cash, you go to the ATM, put your finger on a pad and BOOM! Insta-cash. Think about it.. did you ever hear Captain Kirk say “Hey Spock, you gotta pen?” or even Jean-Luke Picard say “An entire Starship Enterprise, and I cant get a pen?!?! I can ask for coffee and it comes flying out of a wall, but we cant beam us up a bic?!?!?” No, it didn’t happen.
Anyway, this is the first semi-weekly “update…” in the nearly two year history of these installments,
I had the fortune to go to a “girls dinner” last night. Now you are probably thinking, “girls dinner”, how old was everyone there? Could you people drink? I believe that when women collect in groups it is a “girls” event, you feel your youth, you feel young, and free and maybe even a little silly! I love it. The other nice thing about “girl” events is that women really do sympathize and care about each other and can feel free to express that. If two men are together and one tells the other, “yeah, just broke up with my girlfriend of two years.” his buddy, who has known him probably since grade school, looks up at him and says “Sorry man. Geez, I thought you had only been dating a couple of months… anyway you wanna go to Hooters?” Same scenario, two women… one says, “I just broke up with my boyfriend.” The other, again having known her for years, says “Oh my God! What happened? Haven’t you two been dating for two years? Didn’t you think he was ‘the one’? Didn’t you just go to his parents house last week? Did he break up with you? What was said? Are you ok? Why don’t we go to my house rent some movies get some pizza delivered, eat some girl scout cookies and talk. I am so sorry, I don’t want to call him a total asshole since I know you cared for him, but right now I think that it sucks and if he broke up with you, then he is a total asshole, but if you broke up with him then he was the asshole who drove to that, geez I just cant believe it. You’re better off!” This is what women do, we sympathize with each other, we talk about what is going on in our lives, our feelings, not our BBQ grills.
So, at dinner last night I had the fortune of being able to share with Blanchie, Karen, and Diane all that is going on in my world and they shared all that was going on in theirs. We went to Bugattis, now I had never been to Bugattis, so this was a great new experience. Diane had been to Bugattis before, it was like “Cheers” and she was Norm… everybody new her name! She walks in the door and the fanfare begins, the owner comes out to greet her with a friendly hug and some smart conversation, waiters begin to appear from no where to say “hello” and welcome their favored patron back, I thought they were going to bring out the fatted calf and kill it right there in the bar, but no… they just went ahead and sat us.
So, let’s see what was said shall we? I have been taking acting classes recently. I just started a comedy acting class this week. On Monday I walked into this class ready to have fun, and oh my God I did!! I left the class exhausted, sweating, laughing and so completely electrified I felt like I had been on drugs for two hours solid! It was great. I disclosed my fun to my fellow dinner mates, as I slowly drank my martini. Well, we started to talk about men… yes, we did… I know you’re shocked. Anyway, we talked about how some men really cant express their feelings or really even communicate well, and then Blanchie says in the most matter-of-fact tone, “You don’t really need to communicate with men, that isn’t what they are good for, they are good for one thing and one thing only… therefore you meet a man that you like, you can just say ‘Lay down let’s talk!’”. This has been permanently burned on my brain now… Lay down let’s talk. This phrase and this phrase alone could start the next sexual revolution! You thought the sixties were sexy… they got nothing on Blanchie. So, now I am sitting in my chair, having finished my martini and started on my oh-so-yummy-cant-believe-how-good-this-tastes-but-don’t-want-to-drink-it-too-fast-to-avoid-brain-freeze bellini! The bellinis at Bugattis are AMAZING!!! Everyone should have them, everyone should know how good they are… I am now thinking of that Christmas Coca-Cola commercial… “I’d like to buy the world a bellini, and keep it company” (if you’re still reading this I know you are singing). Yep, a kindler, gentler, world. But let’s get back to what was being said… “Lay down let’s talk”. I am thinking to myself, this woman could be my hero! We could get t-shirts made, really market this idea. I think men around the globe would really rally around this idea J This is a world-wide pleasing concept, big or small, gay or straight, living in a village in the middle of Namibia or even with your cousins in Arkansas… everyone can get behind this idea.
The conversation is fast and witty, but always filled with inquiry, we women love our details and when the specific detail that we are interested in is not offered up… we will ask for it. It is amazing, like death, taxes and gravity. I have no idea why the FBI doesn’t hire a fleet of women to be their entire interrogation department… this is something we were born to do, just like the colt that stands within moments of being born, women are asking questions the minute they can talk. You think your little one year old daughter said, “Dada”… when she really said, “Dada?” and the underlying meaning was “Dada, why are you just standing there when I need to be changed!”
Finally this brings me to where all “updates…” should be! The mall. Karen is sitting across from me at the table, she looks chic. She could have stepped out of catalog, completely update-to-date and stylish in not only her wardrobe, but her accessories, and hairstyle… the triple threat! She starts to talk about the Nordstrom anniversary sale, which I have noticed not only the billboards on the tollway, but perused their website looking for some killer deals.
Well, she said that she took Blanchie with her to the pre-sales event. What? A “pre-sales event”. Being a woman the question flies out of my mouth, “what exactly is that?”. And she says pretty casually that they had mailed her an invitation for herself and a guest to come and shop before the sale began and that the items would be charged on the day the sale starts for the sale price. Now, you have to be in my chair at this moment, I picture in my head this courier arriving at her door in a beautiful black suit, he is handsome, he is wearing white gloves, and the invitation to the Cinderella Ball is perched carefully in one of them. The gloves are obviously so that the oils from his hand do not muss the invitation. She answers the door, white doves fly as she does, he bends low at the waist presenting the card with his eyes avoiding hers. She plucks the parcel from his hand, spins once around, and shuts the door. It turns out it was delivered through the regular postal service though. Anyway, the store closes on Sunday at 6pm, and they arrive at 7pm… the riff-raff is out of the store now and they can shop in peace. They are offered complimentary martinis as they entire, as well as any beer or wine, and if your martini glass runs dry never fear there are waiter circling the floor with pitchers at the ready to solve that little party foul. This is the way to shop folks! I think all stores should do this… you let me shop with a drink in my hand and I would do a lot more damage and have a better time. The buyers remorse wouldn’t hit me until the next day, and I would be too hung over to worry about it. Maybe the bars need to start opening a small shoe department near the restrooms, if you cant bring the booze to the store, bring the store to the booze.
We spent the rest of the evening really just laughing and talking, and now I am at work again… and as I sit here I remember that it is evenings like that, that keep me toiling in my cube. If it wasn’t for great conversation and questions galore… there wouldn’t be much point in it all.
That’s all for me again!
Peace, love, and the Vulcan Mind Meld,
Martha
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